A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:general question. would you guys be frustrated if your girlfriend/boyfriend was going out of town for a week and you had planned in advance to spend the night before together, but it took them FOREVER to finally come over?my girlfriend has known she was going out of town for 3 months. it's not like it snuck up on her and she didn't have time to plan to pack and prepare. and she was off all day yesterday and today but here it is after midnight and i STILL don't know when i'm gonna see her. she's still at her moms getting all of her stuff ready. am i wrong for being frustrated? i'm taking her to the airport at 6 in the morning so we basically have NO time together. i don't want to be pissed as it's our last chance to see each other for a week. but i'm actually pretty hurt she didn't care to prepare so she could actually see me. seems pretty thoughtless. opinions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Good luck with resolving the varying expectations and habits! TCK often hate goodbyes and do everything they can to avoid them… just sayin'. I hope it all works out for you.
And get some sleep, for heaven's sake. ;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhaha yep! she sure is! :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 March 2013):
Is she a third culture kid? If she is, she will know what I mean. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhahaha i don't know, where are you from?? :P i actually am phenominally good at staying up all night. i usually stay up really late (4 am roughly) most nights just because i have a job that requires me getting off late at night. and she works with me, so we are both accustomed to it. this is second-nature to us. lol. but i appreciate the concern. and i promise to try not to smash into you. :)to address the consistency thing. that's what i failed to convey as the real problem here. i don't think it's malicious on her part and i don't think she's blowing me off intentionally. i really just think she's AWFUL at biding her time and squeezing everything in appropriately. she's got a lot on her plate: school, work, me, family. and so sometimes i feel like she's inconsistent in her plans with me. and it's not always her fault, i don't suppose. i understand things pop up, and since she's not a good planner, which i can relate to, plans wind up changing. sometimes i beat myself up for getting upset at her for her last minute cancelling, telling myself i need to be more patient and understanding because she is so busy. other times i tell myself i have a right to be mad, seeing as how sometimes i can't feel secure with her completely in that regard. hence the question in the first place. i wanted to know if i was over-reacting or justified for feeling frustrtion before i expressed it to her.also, she swears it's partially a cultural thing. she grew up in saudi arabia where she says nobody abided by time like they do in the united states. "i'll be over shortly" could mean anywhere from ten minutes to 5 hours.we both talked it over and agreed that she will work on communicating time better and i'll work on my patience. because this is a recurring problem for us and the only thing we ever fight about. but since it's just about weekly that plans are being changed, it's a weekly fight. so it's something we both need to work on. thanks again!! sorry for the long update.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2013):
If this is an ongoing issue that she chooses not to address, I think you may want to decide if you can tolerate this level of inconsistency. I think So Very Confused has a point about no longer making plans with her. That may prompt a lifestyle change for her, in terms of deciding to become more accountable for her time and the choices she makes managing it….
Now, a nag. (What else is an agony aunt for?) The leading cause of accidents on US roads isn't alcohol, so much as… distracted drivers, followed by fatigued drivers! Alcohol comes in third.
Pulling an all-nighter then driving her to the airport then driving back home. Please tell me you aren't on the roads around my town. Last thing I need is an exhausted emotional person causing an accident….
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2013):
 oh well wait... if her consistent pattern is to cancel plans at the last minute you have a bigger issue....
Personally I would grow tired of someone canceling plans on a regular basis and I'd stop making plans with them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys. OP here. thanks for the advice. i actually didn't expect to hear the responses i got, so it was definitely an eye opener for me. thank you.
one last bit of information i failed to mention. the cancelling of plans or changing of them drastically last minute is probably a weekly thing. this wasn't the first time, so i guess it's becoming a tad more frustrating than it would be if this were the first time it happened.
i try to be patient, but it's hard for me to understand because i'm nowhere near being an organized person myself, but yet my plans always stay consistent. and if i had to cancel, i would give her notice. she's bad about this. we'll have plans and then she'll cancel them last minute very frequently. all day she had kept saying it would only be another hour max. that was beginning at 4:30 pm. well by 1:00 am she was ready for me to come pick her up. if she had just communicated at 4:30 it was not gonna be until late, i wouldn't have cared.
anyway, i also wanted to mention that our plan was to pull an all-nighter together and me take her to the airport early. that's why i was still expecting her to come over. she was gonna stay up all night with me at my house per her request, not mine.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2013):
 It's only a week. Try 13 months.
I'm guessing this is not totally uncommon for her to be a little unorganized?
Personally, before I had kids if I was travelling somewhere I preferred to have a little time to myself to mentally prepare myself for the trip. BUT My bags would have been packed days ahead (part from toiletries and maybe shoes).
It doesn't mean she doesn't love you or didn't want to spend time with you, she most likely didn't worry about it since YOU were taking her to the airport.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2013):
Maybe she's not an organized person?
You want to take it personally, that's your choice, but I expect she wasn't deliberately slighting you.
I know where she is, I'm a notorious last minute packer as well, I wait till the last possible minute. It has nothing to do with how she feels about you.
If being with a procrastinator is going to cause you personal affront, you may want to take a longer look at your compatibility overall.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2013):
it's just a week... you get to kiss her goodbye at the airport this morning....
some folks leave packing till the last minute... it's not a reflection on you or the relationship, it's just her style.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Its only a week, she is only going for a week, what's the problem, you are going to see her when you drive her to the airport, what's the problem??
Regardless how well prepared some people can be to pack and get ready to go away, even for a week, there are often lots of last minute things that need to be done, and time gets away.
You are making too much of this, especially as it it only going to be a week and you will be seeing her in the morning.
I am concerned that it is after mid night and you are still expecting her to come on over, even though she probably needs to get in some decent sleep. Have you considered she might be tired??
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Chill,my friend, yes it's disappointing, it is always disappointing when something does not go according to our expectations, but, really, she is only going away for a week ! Seven days, not seven months.
Maybe she is not the organized type, maybe something popped up last minute as it always happens when one takes a trip,maybe her mom too wants extra time with her , but , whatever is it, do you want to make a fuss for a couple of hours together less.... when you'll be together again in a week ?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): Hey
Dont beat urself up over this, may be she found some important last minute things to be done before gone for a week. Why dont u talk to her when u both are not in a foul mood and take it from there.
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