A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you see this situation? Am I wrong for being mad about them? We have a vacation house that we come to from another state approximately 6-7 times a year. Ussualy for kids holidays, just a short break away from work, long weekends, etc. We ve been doing it for 14 years and made few friends, families with kids our kids age. One couple in particular was always a little off, and by that I mean there mini conflicts with them but more like misunderstanding. This time though it was not misunderstanding. It was their daughters birthday, 10, she is exactly my daughter's age. They invited other families with kids, but not us. We don't know how this happens but this is a fact. And of course other kids told my daughter, and she came to me asking why she was not invited. Very unpleasant. The whole 10 days we spend there we invited them couple times, they never came. And so we left home. Recently we rented small one room guests house to a lady, who this family recommended. She is a sweet lady, a friend of their friend. Because she is a friend of a friend, we let her use our pool.with previous tenants we never let anyone use our pool. We had accidents before with one tenants child peeing in it, and it cost us lot of money to clean it and refill. We told her that we really like her to keep the area clean when she uses the pool, and be carefull not to leave any food outside as it attracts outside and stray cats, and raccoons. The minute we left, she is having a party there. And who does she invite? This family who never even made an effort to see us when we were there. We have cameras outside so we can see everything on our cellphone even if we are away. First when we looked at it we saw a dog of the family running around, peeing everywhere. And then we saw their 4 years old, sitting on the edge of the pool without anyone watching her. I called her immediately. She sounded very scared, and said she didn't know she can't invite anyone, and also added " but I thought you guys were friends". I said, it doesn't even matter if we are friends or not, you are not renting the whole house from us, you are just renting your room. I let you use the pool only because I liked you, but you can't especially without asking invite people ( there was also a neighbor with his wife), and use my grill that I cleaned well before we left, and let a dog run around peeing everywhere, and especially a child near the pool . What if god forbid something happens, and I will be held responsible? I asked to stop the party, it's already was 11:30 pm anyway, because neighbors will complain and also because I was really unhappy with this situation. She said ok. I was 100% sure that she obeyed, I couldn't even imagine that she would go against me. Before we went to bed, my husband looked at the phone again, and he said: you are not going to believe this, they are still there with music playing, and them having drinks and so on. Here I got really pissed. I called her again, and said if she doesn't stop it, I will call police. 10 mi utes later they were gone, it was already well passed midnight. The next day, the wife calls me. She said that she doesn't even want to hear my name anymore, our relationship is over, she thought we were friends, but after this evening she erases us out of their lives. I told her about the birthday party, how sad my daughter was that she was not invited for no reason at all, and if they were indeed good friends they would never do anything like that. Also how they didn't even come see us the whole time, and came to our tenant party the very next day we left. Also I told her that even that won't bother me as much but the fact that their friend, our tenant didnt even ask me for permission. Also I forgot to mention, that we looked at the camera later on, and there were at least 5 cats there on a table finishing leftovers of food. As I warned her would happen if she doesn't clean all well. Well, now the tenant is all apologetic and scared that I will kick her out because of this, buti assured her that if it never happens again, she is fine. But this family is also friends with other families. And with me not being there I am a bit worried that they will start spreading this story from their point of view, and will turn everyone against us. Also my husband and my mother told me I was a little crazy with this police thing.What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): I hate to fly in the face of CMMP but pool liability is not a waivable issue. You have a pool you must be diligent in ensuring that all precautions are taken for safety.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 May 2014):
 You should check with your insurance company as well. If you are using it as a rental property then your policy needs to reflect that.
As for the former friends, don't talk about them to anyone. Just be polite if you run into them on the street, and don't spend any more time worrying about them.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 May 2014):
 The liability issues are simple. Anyone who is injured on your property has a case against you. That includes any guests whether they're your friend or a friend of a friend, their children, relatives, neighbours, the postman, the metre reader and in many jurisdictions, a stranger who breaks into your home and trips over a toy. Even if you win the case, your insurer will have to spend considerable time and money defending the action. Waivers mean nothing.
I think what this tenant did was sneaky and immature and personally, I think she should go, but lease or no, she is a tenant and you can't just turf her out. Besides, as you've said,knowing that you won't hesitate to speak up for yourself, she might be more inclined to respect the boundaries.
A lease is a must and the lack of one is a bit of a surprise, considering you care enough about your home to install surveillance cameras (smart move by the way).
This is a wake up call and I think you should speak to an attorney and find out exactly what your rights and responsibilities are.
As for the 'friends', I'd just quietly write them off. Don't gossip about them and if you do cross paths, be businesslike (formal but courteous). This will blow over in time. Most folks value their property and will understand your concern for yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): Thank you all for answering.
Just to clarify more: we don't rent it out as vacation property. It's a summer house for us, not for our tenants. Tenants live there year around, they sign a lease for 1 year. Cameras only monitor front part of the house where the entrance is and it covers pool area and little gazebo with grill.
Also, the family who didnt invite our daughter is not neighbors . They a re friends with our tenant. She ALSO invited neighbors, husband and wife, who she literally just met the day before.
I will see more how she acts in a future but I don't think she will do parties again knowing that we an see everything. The main reason why we have her as a tenant because we thought she is older, and she won't be partying like a 20 something years old. Our previous tenants were a young couple that had friends coming over all the time, and then when we came back we found garbage everywhere and 1000s of cigarets butts.
I think though it is a good idea to put everything on a lease. Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 May 2014):
 Kick the tenant out OP, she's just going to create problems for you. You're the bad guy anyway for your neighbors, might as well really be one. The tenant seems irresponsible and you cant possibly keep an eye on her all the time. The unsupervised kid, the cats on the table, people partying in your house without permission...its just too much trouble and the tenant isn't really worth it. I say kick her out and as for the neighbor lady, just don't let her get to you. Some people are plain ill-mannered and just cant be bothered to be civil to others. It shows how spiteful she is when she left your daughter out of her child's birthday party, I mean come on, who involves kids in petty fights? Obviously its the likes of her and you really shouldn't be bothered with her anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): This OP.
What exactly am I jealous about,, female anon.?
Just to explain, cameras were nessesesary as when we had no one there there was a incident that our windows were broken. We didnt know, and we didnt even call police or someone to block windows as we didnt know.
We suspect it was an ex girfriend of previous tenant that broke windows.
Now when we have cameras we can monitore every nite if everythingis ok.
We were not checking on HER, we were checking as ussual if everything was fine. And no, we don't have cameras in a house, isn't it against the law?
About me trying to be friends with them. I was not TRYING to be friends with them. We WERE friends for more than 10 years.
Our kids were playing with each other since the day they were born. We still don't know the reason why they dismissed my daughter for the birthday party.
The fact did bothered me, it's obvious from my post, but it was not the main reason why I asked her to stop the party. The dog, the kid not supervised, the late hours on Sunday where all the neighbors need to go to work, and this new to us woman who desided to do what she wants while we are absent with our property. As far as usage of a pool: I told her why am letting her use it is because she is by herself, doesn't have a car. I also told her that ussualy I don't let tenants use our pool.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): I'm not sure what liability issues may be if someone drowns in your pool, but I would definitely find out by consulting a lawyer before renting the room again. It may be usual to set terms on what parts of a house someone can use when they rent a room, but it seems odd to restrict use of a pool in a summer rental- most people wouldn't accept that and would find something else.
I think the situation with the other family and your daughter should have been dealt with immediately because bad feelings had been building up obviously.
I would lose all of these people from your life, they don't seem like the nicest people. I think threatening to call the police and setting cameras up in the home is over the top and maybe a privacy violation as someone said. I would probably also ask the tenant to leave and move on from it all. Don't talk to anyone about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): It sounds to me what really fueled your anger was that she invited over the woman who didn't invite you to her kids birthday. As far as that woman is concerned you have to understand that not everyone is going to like you. It sucks I know, but its life. Its best to just be mature about it, dont hold a grudge, and just make up a little white lie to your daughter about why you didnt go to the birthday party. And more importantly, stop trying so hard to be friends with people who are ungrateful of your friendship. Tough shit for them. Next! As for the woman who rented your room, I think it is important to ask yourself what bothered you more, that she had friends over or that she had this woman in particular over? If it is the latter, then you owe her an apology. If however it truly has nothing to do with this woman and you genuinely did not want guests over and EXPLAINED this to her prior to moving in, then you have no reason to apologize and if she does it again then you may have to ask her to leave. In my personal opinion I find it absurd to rent out a room in a summer home and expect your tenant to not use the amenities available and to live like a hermit. Just cause she invited NICE people over, people you wish you were friends with and they used the grill? Really? I could understand if she brought homeless people over and they were sitting around smoking crack. And the cameras? Are there cameras inside too? Thats like a violation of privacy especially if she was unaware of this. If I were her I would move out immediately. I wouldn't take that. You need to loosen up and stop being so controlling to the point that it is irrational. Don't be surprised if these people are going around talking about you and warning people about you. I think your indignation is coming from pure jealousy more than anything else. Sorry for my bluntness, just my opinion.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 May 2014):
Sounds to me like no matter who's wrong or right it doesn't really matter. You obviously weren't that great of friends with this family in the first place and you definitely need to make the house rules clear to anyone who lives there.
For the record though, I would have been upset to. You may have over reacted a little, though, but not by much, it's hard to say without being there.
I'd have a pool liability waiver for renters to sign, then you can relax a little.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 May 2014):
 Kick the tenant out. She will be more problems then she is worth.
Second of all though, if you have no CLEAR and WRITTEN rules for tenants, and what you expect as far as behavior, you basically give the tenant carte blanche to do as they please.
SHE felt HER invitation to use the pool extended to her guests too. And YOU can't really dictate WHO she invites. That would be ridiculous (again why I would be kicking her out, it would JUST be easier).
Next time you rent out, you NEED to have a REALLY clear cut renter's agreement with whatever rules you wish then to adhere to.
OK, them not inviting your child is THEIR choice. They can INVITE whomever they like. Yeah, it's not nice having your kid being excluded from a birthday party, but my guess is the family rather not socialize with your family. And what is wrong in that? Their choice. They didn't NOT invite her to hurt her feelings. They probably didn't invite her because they didn't WANT to deal with you. (no offense)
Calling the police? I don't think that is totally going overboard, in the sense that she had already promised to end the party. And she didn't. BUT it was her FIRST offense as a renter (and again.. no renter's agreement/rules).IF a CHILD or even an adult had DROWNED during that party, YOU (even living out of state) can be held liable.
Sitting and monitoring her party and what she does... I find a tad creepy. I would NOT want to rent from you... ever. Not that I go around and do things that are inappropriate, I just wouldn't like the idea of being monitored.
As for the *wife*/neighbor-lady who "got mad at you" and her potentially spreading rumors. What can you do? Gag her? She will THINK, SAY, FEEL and DO as she pleases, you can't control her. I would JUST stop talking to her, no more drama-llama show.
It sounds like a "Much Ado About Nothing" thing where stuff gets blown out of proportions, because people don't talk like adults.
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