A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This past September I broke up with my fiancee. We were dating for five years. We broke up in the worse possible way because we are still spending time with one another and behaving like a couple. However we no longer refer to ourselves as bofriend/ girlfriend (fiancee) and we no longer live together. About three months ago I became sexually involved with one of my ex's friends. The man whom I became involved with is married. We have been secretly seeing each other. Last night I got a little drunk and made the careless mistake of text messaging "I miss you" to him. His wife found the message and started to ask all sorts of questions. She had him phone me and leave a message. He played dumb to knowing what the text message was about. I covered my mistake by telling my ex, and the man I've been seeing, and his wife that it was a mistake and in my drunken state I had been trying to text a friend of mine and must have clicked on the wrong name. It appears that everyone involved has bought the story. Do you think it is wise to continue seeing this man?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Angela.B  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 You, and your married man, have had a very close shave. Next time you probably won't be as lucky.
I think you know the answer to your question already. Are you wise to be involved with a married man? No, of course not.
Just what are you hoping to get out of this relationship? He's certainly not going to be offering you love and commitment (and lets be honest, they never leave their wives no matter what they say and even if they did, would you want a long term relationship with someone that would?), and if it's just fun for you is it fair on the others involves to be having your fun at the expense of ruining their marriage?
And then there's the issue of your relationship with your ex. If you've broken up why are you continuing to act like a couple?
It sounds to me like you have two unhealthy relationships going on, and you are letting your ex have his fun without receiving anything in return and Mr Married is certainly having his bit on the side... where are your needs in all of this?
You really need to get away from both of these selfish men, and look for someone more suitable to have a relationship with - a relationship where you are not being taken advantage of and where your needs are just as important as his.
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