A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi, i have been in a relationship now for three and a half years, we live 2 hours drive away from each other, and we see each other once a month now on average.I have three children from a previous relationship and he has two. in the beginning he would travel up to mine mainly only occasionally would i go to his as it was more convienient for the children, he was happy to do it and we would split the cost.about one year ago his son went to live with him, and he told me that he could not come as often as he was more limited now. i understood with having my own children so i said i would go down there every other weekend and he agreed that he would come the weekend inbetween.as time went on it was maily me doing the travelling and i liked it as it was a change for the kids and we would go on the train which they love.after 7 months of this or so he told me that he could not afford to come to mine, i told him that i didnt mind as i was happy to go there.not long after that he told me we were finished as he thought we diddnt make a good match.i made a fool of myself and gave many reasons why i thought we were good together almost begging really, but he was adamant.so we broke up, and i never heard a word from him for two months. i took it hard and although i did start to pick myself up i wasnt over him when he text me and answered him being polite and nice.a month later he came to visit me and somehow since then we have fallen back into seeing each other, every five weeks or so.i do still love him, he has asked me down to his, i have not been yet. he has been up to see me four times in all over four months or so.when he is here he is all talk about us doing this and that in the future and i do feel happy, but when he is not here i get occasional texts asking what ive been up too, never anything about us or the plans he talks about when he is here.maybe i am doing things wrong i do not know, do i start to go down to his and visit and be loving in phone calls and texts? i did that before hand and he finished with me. Its like he is a different person when he is at mine to when he is at home.he has alot of work colleagues but no close friends, and he will travel to meet up with some of them for coffee, but mostly females.his emails to them are flirty but work related and always end with a few kisses. he cheated on me in the beginning around 7 months into the relationship, it went on for 1 month until i found out. the other woman ended it once she found out about me.when he is here he says "he realises now what he has lost"... he says he loves me.i have all these feeling for him still, but i am playing it cool as i just do not know what the true situation is. could he have realised what he lost? am i being made a fool of?any tips to find out for sure?any advice either way would be appreciated.thankyou
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broke up, cheated on me, flirt, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010): once a cheater, always a cheater..
you already make yourself look like a fool before. do you want to do it again? learn from your mistake k..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): He tuned out of your relationship some time ago so move on and find someone who loves you.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (10 April 2010):
 I don't honestly feel this relationship is right for you. I am sure that deep down you know it doesn't give you the future you hope for. As much as I am loathe to quote from those dreadful 'how to do dating' books, it seems you have been making all the running in this relationship and have been too available to him. He cheated on you then you take him back. He says he cannot be bothered making an effort to travel to your home, you go there instead. He wants to quit the relationship, you beg him to stay. He texts you and you let him pick up where he left off...it is hardly a relationship of equals and it must be confusing for your children too. I really appreciate that you may think you love him, but you honestly deserve someone who treats you nicely. He hasn't been in touch for a while and he probably missed the sexual contact. If he meets someone else I sense that he would drop you like hot coal. I would put an end to this relationship now for the sake of your long term happiness. Basically if you stay with him and settle for what he offers then you will never be single and available to men who ought to treat you better and always make time in their busy schedule for you.
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A
female
reader, lautnerlove  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 I think you need to tell hsim to forget about you you need to tell him how you feel but that he causes you to much pain to forget about you also need to talk to your children and see if they even like him
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