A
female
age
41-50,
*ostnlonely
writes:hi, where do i start? i am currently in a relationship that is not going too well in the bedroom department. We have been together for just over 3 years now, not a great 3 years if im honest, i think this all comes down to him, at first our sex life was great, he taught me a few things and i come to realise that I was a little more adventurous than i thought. But over time problems started arising, i come to find out that he was constantly on dating sites whenever given the chance, he was not just chatting up these women, he was also going to meet them. To cut a long story short he cheated on me, so i left him, 3 months later we got back together and moved into a house together, things were going really well, until after around a month i found out that he had cheated on me again the day before we moved i together, i confronted him about it and he said he was really sorry and he did not think i would find out, he was just getting it outof his system. Well with me loving him i thought this is a fresh start and it happened before we moved in together at least the cards were laid on the table and there will be no more of this. But sex became rare almost non existent, not due to me, as you would think it would be, seeing as he had cheated on me twice! but he was always watching porn, this was hard for me, i do understand that men need to do this kind of thing but his was far too often and he would not come anywhere near me, he admitted to me that he does have a problem and starting next month he starts a course for people addicted to porn, which is a step in the right direction. Anyway after about 3 months of him moving in with me, he moved out into his own place as he said he needed space and privacy, i went along with it as they say you need to be understanding in a relationship and you cant change people you can only change yourself, so i thought id let him have the space he needs and thing may eventually work out... was i wrong he got back on the net chatting up women and meeting them etc.. yes i did go snooping, do you blame me after his history! i confronted him and his reply was that i should not be checking up on him and i should mind my own business. I decided it was time for the final talk to tell him how i feel and what i will not tolerate anymore if he wants me and loves me as much as he says he does then he will try harder, he will help me to get this relationship on the right track and i will do what ever it takes too. so he moved back in, he stopped going on dating sites though he still watches a lot of porn, but thats the next step i suppose, so things are going great he is proving his love for me, BUT there is still no sex, i hate to be a nag but had to talk to him about this as it is really affecting me, first of all he said he has lost his sex drive, then it was because he has things he needs to sort out for himself once he has then things will get back to how it was in the beginning, then he said that he thinks he has a lump in his testical, i was really worried and i urged him to go to the doctors but he would not go, it has been about 6 weeks since he told me and i have still not managed to get him to go, i was really worried about it up until the other day when i found out it was all another lie, one of his excuses for not wanting sex with me, may i just say that it has been 6 months now, i have not mentioned sex i just thought he would come to me in his own time, when he is ready, but like i said the other day the subjet on sex come up, not only did i find out that he does not have a lump but he said that the reason he does not want sex with me is because im too skinny and have no tits and ass, so that was a smack in the face as this is me, this is my body.I've tried to put weight on and cant, the thing is i have always been this size since before we even met, it was not a problem to him before so why is it now? Am I wasting my time in this relationship, will I ever be what he wants or does this not exsist? HELP!!!
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addicted to porn, cheated on me, got back together, his ex, moved in, moved out, porn, sex drive, sex life, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lostnlonely +, writes (16 November 2009):
lostnlonely is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi again, thanks for the advice i am really grateful and i suppose deep down i knew what replies id get, but its not as easy as just splitting up with him, i love him. i did not mention in m previous message that i have 4 children who have had a bad start in life due to their violent father, after about 3 years of my split with him, i decided to set up a profile on a dating site on the net, as i did not get out much and was ready to begin to find mr right, i guess this was the wrong place to look and should have known that men on these sites will always be on these sites, this is where i met my current partner but we lived 300 miles apart, after 6 months or so i moved to be with him, i left all my friends and family behind, but hey i was starting a new life, my kids love him they all get on really well, i suppose my point is that where i live now i have no family, no friends how do i get through a break up? i do have my children yes, but i cant expect them to get me through this, i dont want them to see me in the state i know i will be in if we split, i cant move back to my home town as the childrens father is still there and i know that he will soon find out where i live and come round harrasing me and making my life a misery as he did in the past, i had numerous injunctions out on him and they dont stop him he has been to prison 3 times, but at the end of his sentence would find me and would not let me get on with my life, one of the sentences was for 18 months, this is when i fled while i had the chance. is there some kind of magic wand to make my partner be faithful, to make him be happy with spending his life with me and just me? we get on really well other than in the bedroom, he has not been on the net for about 6 months now, he starts his meetings for his porn addiction next month, is this not a sign that he is willing to change? i would hate for us to split up never knowing that things would have turned out alright in the end
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 November 2009):
You should never change for someone, especially like this man. He cheated, came back, moved out, and has now een asking you to change for him! You're not something to be moulded, you're you and you should be YOU! There will be a lovely guy out there who will accept you for you, so go find him. Get away from this vile man! He doens't love you, he loves something he is changing you into, and nobody on here can tell you what that is. Get away from him and find someone who will love you for who you are.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 to be very, very blunt,m yes you are wating your time. Based on his previous history I would say he is was always cheating, is still cheating and will always cheat.
You sound like a nice person, I think you deserve a lot better than the treatment this waste of space has been handing out to you.
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