A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:why is my wifes guy friend so important to her?My wife and I are pretty rocky right now. I don't know how to handle her spending so much time talking to her guy friends(one in particular). Its to the point where I have a lot of rage built up inside. Im pretty sure she doesn't cheat(sexually) but the time away from her even when shes in the same room with me is ripping my heart out. When I try talking about this shy gets mad and avoids the topic and instead cries that I dont trust her. What should I do I love my wife very much but im not sure how to handle this im turning into a jealous jerk?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): There are some things that are not explained in this post. Have she and this male friend close before the two of you? If the answer is yes, then you can't expect her to stop talking to him. If not, then for the sake of the marriage, she should stop talking to him because it's causing problems and strain in your marriage. I clearly see a communication problem. Do you talk to your wife in a calm and loving voice or are you accusatory because of the "rage" that is building up inside? If it is the latter of the two, then she is not going to talk to you. No one can communicate effectively like that and you are never going to get any answers. Now if you take the advice from one of the posters about playing tit for tat, believe me when I tell you, it will backfire. Not only will it put additional strain on your marriage, but there will be no trust for neither party. Your wife will no longer trust you. You will only push her closer to this male friend and probably push her into his bed. Is that what you want? Highly doubt it. The best advice I could give is to take her out on a romantic setting, woo her and gently bring up the subject. Please don't start demanding answers. Keep trying though. Best of luck to you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Have you told your wife that YOU LOVE HER?
Has she caught you in a conversation with someone of the opposite sex that has made her doubt your loyalty to her?
If so, there's your answer as to why she is talking to another guy-she's insecure and jealous because she doesn't think she trusts you anymore.
Start going out as if on dates. Make HER feel special again. Don't take her for granted. Talk to her. Tell her about your day. Ask her about hers. Rebuild the relationship from the ground up.
I'm going by a similar dame that confided in me and her main beef was being taken for granted and not trusting her partner. If this has nothing to do with your case then you'll have to ask her to get together with you and discuss why she is not into you anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): She probably gets from this friend something that she does not get from you. Perhaps some emotional support or connection. How long have they known each other? Have you met him before? What sort of things do they talk about? Are the conversations intimate, emotionally related or work related? You said you're in the same room as she talks to him so I imagine you might be able to overhear at least part of the conversation. If your wife has something to hide, she probably would not talk to this friend so openly in front of you. I don't agree with the last reply about seeing your female friends. Getting her to become jealous will only backfire and drive her even farther away. You should communicate with her. But when you do, do not word it in such a way that appears as though you don't trust her or are accusing her. Don't criticize her actions because that will only trigger her defense mechanism, and she will avoid talking about it. Do not make yourself look jealous or possessive. Instead, calmly ask that she listens to what you have to say, and tell her how you've been feeling lately, focus on how you feel neglected and hurt.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (17 October 2009):
 Simple. Tell her you'd like to start seeing and hanging out with your female friends, and, if you don't have any tell her you'll put an ad in an internet dating site. Seriously.
Obviously she doesn't see that she's neglecting you, or worse ignoring you.
One other possible solution, is simply take a trip for a weekend and accidentally forget to tell her. Maybe leave a post-it note somewhere in the house and just go for 3 or 4 days.
If she notices you're missing, she might concede that she's not paying attention to you.
Otherwise, I'd hire a lawyer and get out of it. This doesn't sound normal at all.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 October 2009):
Ask her how she feels about the relationship you're in and listen to her. Don't push her. In the meantime, let her go with her male friends. If she's searching for attention there, perhaps she doesn't feel completely loved at home. Speak to her about it and ask if you can do more. And listen.
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