A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I am a 24 year old female who has been with my boyfriend going on 7 years. He was my first proper relationship and the only person I have had sex with. Everything between my boyfriend and I is what I presume all anyone could ever ask for. He is caring, generous, attractive, understanding, devoted and funny. We both have the same life goals, similar careers and similar interests. However recently I developed a crush on a new friend (bob). Bob is not my type, we don't have many common interests and I don't want a relationship with him, but we have a lot of chemistry. Recently bob tried to kiss me and although I stopped him I know inside that I really wanted to kiss him too. I wonder if my wandering eyes or my desire to be physical with bob are a reflection of a hidden problem in my current relationship. I do worry that I am curious about what it would be like to be physical with other people because I never have been. I know that my boyfriend is my best friend and that what we have makes for a great lasting relationship. But I worry that if ever thing was actually perfect, why did I wanna kiss bob.Is this just a crush that will pass? Or is it something bigger? Am I second guessing getting tied in this too young and never having life experiences. I don't want to give up my boyfriend for something fleeting but what if i need to have these experiences. Thanks for any help
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male
reader, LAcreme  +, writes (22 March 2015):
 I think what you feel is absolutely normal. You will always want to know what intimacy feels like outside your boyfriend. This escapist mode is very popular amongst the one-partner peeps, such that even after marriage, that feeling remains. Somehow, it helps in self-discovery and helping you appreciate your partner more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): 'Everything between my boyfriend and I is what I presume all anyone could ever ask for.'It's all well and good if what you have is what all ANYONE could ever ask for. But does what you have satisfy YOU? Are you happy? Without comparing to what you could have or what your friends have, can you honestly say you go to bed with a smile every night just because you're with him?'I do worry that I am curious about what it would be like to be physical with other people because I never have been.'This is normal. I've been with my partner 5 years, I'm the same age as you and I too speculate and wonder all the time what specific people would be like in bed. I've had more than a handful of sexual partners before my partner by the way. So let me reassure you that curiosity is not something that dies with having experienced someone else. You will never bed every man out there so there will always be room for curiosity. Curiosity is not bad. It's natural. Acknowledge it as the passing reflex that it is.I have found many men attractive even after I'd met the love of my life. That doesn't make him any less attractive or any less perfect. It doesn't mean I'm not happy. I look forward to going home to him every night and sharing my passions and fantasies with him. We have an amazing relationship! What we have amounts to more than the rubbing of genitals (which is what it would be if you had casual flings)'Is this just a crush that will pass?' That depends on you.We are animals after all. Chemistry comes down to pheromones and biological factors that you have no control over.What you can control is how far you take these crushes. It's up to you to make sure you don't spend time alone or develop the emotional intimacy that will fuel the crush. Keep your distance, keep it professional, keep it public. This guy would not have dared to kiss you if you hadn't given him some come hither signals. So my advice is to reassess your boundaries with other men. You don't owe it to anyone to be their friend, especially if they've shown interest in you. Don't hesitate to cut people like this out of your life. There'll be many and they are trouble ;-)Mostly, keep it exciting with your man. Get new hobbies, discover new places, meet new people as a couple. Things do plateau when there are no more mysteries to unravel about someone but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You settle into a comfortable companionship where you finish each other's sentences ;-) It's an amazing experience that is rare nowadays so unless you are miserable, I'd say nurture your beautiful relationship. You will reach this stage with the next relationship that you do have anyway. Unless you never get into another longterm relationship...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 March 2015):
 Having a BF, fiance or husband doesn't mean you go blind and deaf. YOU will still NOTICE other guys, your BF will still notice other girls.
You have been with your BF for 7 years. THAT is a long time. And you two have undoubtedly settled into a sort of relationship routine. It's lovely and familiar. Like you said BEST friends.
So when a guy like Bob "hits on you" it's different, it's NOT routine. If there is chemistry involved too, your LIBIDO will stand up and take notice. It's not unnatural or abnormal.
YOU did the right thing, however, but pushing him away and NOT indulging in the desires to kiss him. Because Bob doesn't respect you, or your relationship and you would have regretted it the moment you walked away.
My advice? Go out on date night with the BF. Remember things and places you used to visit, make out at, and then recreate some of those.
There is NO such thing as a "perfect" relationship. But what you have with your BF is a VERY VERY good match. You are not perfect, HE s not perfect. So it's not about your relationship lacking that made you pay attention to Bob. That was your BIOLOGY talking. Studies show that humans weren't "originally" monogamous. Men LESS than women. Monogamy is a choice. It was a way to keep a safe social structure.
And to be curious? WE ALL ARE.
IT IS OK that you noticed another guy, it's WHAT you do next that makes the difference.
But if you come to a point where you are WILLING to toss that 7 year relationship in the trash for a fling or ONS - then consider ending the relationship BEFORE going out there to do what you think you want to do.
You have something very few people get to have at your age. A long term HEALTHY relationship. So if you WANT it to work, cherish it, and KEEP working on it, bettering it.
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