A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guysI am a happily married 31 year old woman, i have been with my husband for 10 years and feel like our relationship couldnt get any stronger. However, i spend more and more time fantastizing about other men, about the romance, about that amazing passionate toe curling kiss, being thrown against the wall by another man, by in my head, a few different actors, and 1 male crush i have always had. I worry that if put in a position by another man, that i may not be able to resist. What is wrong with me? I couldnt imagine not being with my husband, and i know that doing anything would ruin the last 10 years of a wonderful relationship. Sometimes i fantasize about asking my husband to have an open relationship, but i know this would go very wrong and would wreck our relationship. Please help.
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): Anyone with half a brain and a shred of humility knows that an affair or outside encounters will do nothing but destroy any chance of happiness you and your partner have.Look... Things get stale. Sex gets ordinary. Do you think even for a second that those older couples who are still in love after 50 years didn't have a few ups and downs and slow points? Of course they did. But they kept the romance up, kept trying new things sexually probably and learned that a few moments of excitement is in no way a good substitute for a lifetime of happiness, along with the occasional boring parts.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 sounds to me like marriage has gotten common place and stale and boring... nothing unusual for folks.
you want a hot night of romance and being pounded and WANTED not "did you pay the electric bill and what's for dinner?"
Would having a hot fantasy with your spouse work?
would you want HIM to want you that way?
if so try this: set up a night away at a local hotel with a bar.
have him get a room (you have nothing to do with this part)
you go out get your hair done, get a great dress and some good shoes... go to the bar, sit at the bar and wait for some stranger (who is actually your spouse pretending) to pick you up.
once he hits on you properly he can suggest "we slip upstairs to my room"
make sure to be alone in the elevator for some hot and heavy necking...
go to his room and have wild sex.
then you go home.
he can stay or meet you at home later.
won't fix all that's broken but may help the need to be thrown against the wall and pounded.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (8 July 2015):
 Well, if these feelings that you are having are new, meaning you did not have wild fantasies before, it may mean that you are not getting enough romance with your husband. After 10 years, things often become an expected routine, with sex and romance reduced to mechanical action on specific days you both have established as mutually acceptable with certain things in the bedroom deemed a taboo.
I am not sure that such is your case, but if it is, you maybe rebelling against that routine. So, yes, you are correct that an "open" relationship would ruin all you've built and not just because your man would leave you over it but also, after you do all that's in the fantasy, you are left with nobody to actually love who will love you back.
For all we know, your man maybe stuck in the same routine: busy working, concerned with providing for his woman and the household, and, in the midst of the life's rush, forgetting why his woman is attached to him in the first place. This is typical of men because, to guys, it comes natural to romance a woman in order to gain her attachment but, guys compartmentalize all they do so believe their romancing is done once the attachment has been achieved. Well, women are wired a little different, as your post says.
This may take some time for any guy to accept so yours may be hard about it too. But it is necessary step in order to restart romance with him. I've seen many women become infatuated all over again with just a few new gestures of attention by their husbands. Figure out which ones will do the trick for you as have your man do them.
Instead of thinking and working on realizing your fantasies with strange men, work on your guy to reboot your romance. There are absolutely no barriers between you and your man that could prevent you both from pleasing each other even more than any one of your fantasies. As a married woman, that is your first obligation and your fantasies should be seen as that call to change up things in your intimate relationship.
So the basic strategy should be for you to think up new things that would make you and your man romantically happy then figure out how to get your guy to do that.
...............................
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (8 July 2015):
 fantasizing is one thing , but putting it into action is another. thinking about, and of asking your to have a open relationship would destroy the 10 years you two have built. it is human nature to sometimes think of and fantasize of the opposite sex being with you, i guess it is a ego boost? i resent thought of " being on a nude beach with my wife and a hot woman next to us ask me to rub her down with oil" with my wife watching. one thing to fantasize , and another thing to act on those thoughts. some times those thoughts can leave you feeling guilty if you are thinking of crossing the line and act on them and look at cheating on your marriage partner. "a male crush you may know", and going out and acting on that desire for the fantacy to come true , you may want to look at the danger of those thoughts and the temptation of acting on them.
...............................
A
male
reader, Anthony E +, writes (8 July 2015):
 I broke up with my girlfriend of four years recently and experienced similar feelings and fantasies about other women. Looking back now I can now see that I was doing this because things weren't right and I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationship. I found myself fantasising about how it might feel to be with my boss's partner and other weird thoughts. In my case though, these thoughts were symptoms of a relationship which was no longer serving its purpose and had gone the distance. Once we split, the feelings vanished. Yet in your case you say you have a strong and rewarding marriage. Maybe all you need to do is talk to your husband and work out what you need to do to make this side of your marriage work too. If you truly love him it's maybe just a simple matter of working through a few things. If however you have doubts as to whether or not you do still love him then it may be necessary to have a serious chat with yourself and work out if the marriage is still working for you. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): No your not wrong . More and more women are realising it's ok for us to want more than just the man we married. Just like men have done to us for Millenia. Now the double standard is slowly disappearing it's becoming more acceptable for women to think about their options. Marriage is especially hard on women as we give up our bodies go have babies and our youth and bodies are all men value, so we practically become worthless by marrying whilst men are perceived as having more value in maturity and financial resources. God knows they are always ogling a newer you, get improved version ,of their wivesIt's smart for a woman to take her sexual pleasures where and when she can. Just don't get caught
...............................
|
