A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Over the Fourth of July my boyfriend got mad at me because he thought my American shorts I wanted to wear were too slutty so I didn't wear them but I could tell it kind of made him in a bad mood for awhile. We went to a park to watch fireworks with his brother and all had a few drinks. I said something that probably wasn't right but I got very frustrated that they were both talking about how there baby mamas want them right in front of me even though they don't want the girls. So I said "yeah you hate kids anyway" because my boyfriend always gets mad when I mention that kids we see in public are cute. He will say "I don't care about that stop." Then I told my boyfriends brother why my boyfriend doesn't like his ex and that it was becauE she is fat and that that is shallow since she is nice and his brother still likes her. I was on a rampage of insults. I also said how I would be making all this commission from my brother from his business becauE I am sooooop sick of them talking about how his brother makes so much money and how they always talk about making more money or owning a business blah blah. They obsess over money and always talk about weed. It gets annoying and maybe it because they grew up poor and I grew up pretty well off. Anyway I don't ever speak my mind like that I think I was just sick of how he treated me earlier and everything was just boiling. My boyfriend keeps saying his brother has always dated models before his recent ex and he is like obsessed with findin a "prettier" girl for him and I think that is soooo shallow. If he likes the girl who cares what my boyfriend thinks?! Anyway becauE of my tangent my boyfriend told me I have until the end of the month to move out but that we can still be together. How is this fair? He always yells at me and speaks his mind and I do it one time and this happens. He won't budge on the topic. He has been diagnosed with PTSD and he just got out of the army and I just got him Medicaid but he refuses to call a psychiatrist and get on anxiety pills until I move out when in reality if he got on them he wouldn't get mad about what I wear or say so much. Do other people get so tired of being oppressed for so long that one day they just snap like i did?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 July 2015):
 So move out!
You can't fix him. And you seem utterly unhappy being with him.
I know it's not easy to live with a person with PTSD, but since HE chooses to DO nothing about it, it WILL not get better and WHY submit yourself to that? Why settle for being his verbal punching bag? Staying with him and "snap" every now and then because you are fed up doesn't help YOU and it certainly doesn't help him.
I'm not saying HOW he treats you is OK - DO NOT get me wrong. BUT WHY stay? And don't say because I love him!! Because LOVE is not mutual verbal abuse. Love is not him manipulating you into not wearing what you want when you want. Love is not rubbing a babymomma in your face...
WANT more for yourself.
MAYBE him not having you around as his verbal punching bag, might open his eyes and GET the help he needs. HE needs to accept that and DO that on his own and FOR himself.
He just isn't ready to admit he needs help. And you shouldn't suffer for that. So yes, MOVE out.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 July 2015):
 Honeypie has excellent advice...
what is it you are asking?
I would not have changed my shorts. I would have worn them and hiked them up even higher... and added a skimpy top and CFM shoes.
I would be looking for a place to move if I was in your situation.
He is not going to get better without wanting to and without effort.
Your anger and behavior and questions indicate you want to see if this is fixable. IT's not. YOU can't fix him. You can only control and fix yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso he is getting VA money but spending it or saving it he said he might go to free anger classes they offer. I think what you don't understand is I'm not spoiled at all and I was very mature in public I was simply tired of the emotional and verbal abuse he calls me names daily if he doesn't get his way
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI DID NOT scream at him at the park I must not have clarified. I made two comments at the park under my breath which he hears and then yelled at him back at our apartment while his brother was there
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 July 2015):
I get that you got mad and went off. What I don't get is that YOU (A GROWN WOMAN) let a BF dictate what you are going to wear. SO what if he thinks your shorts are slutty? Are the shorts going to run of a screw a guy in front of him?
The shorts are NOT slutty - his MIND is. Because he thinks IF you wear those, YOU will get UNWANTED (unwanted for HIM) attention. THUS he criticize your clothes to manipulate you into not wearing them, AND it worked.
But going off on him and his brother because you felt chastised over a pair of shorts? Sorry, not a good excuse. I get that it probably was something that has been simmering a while, still... if you have ISSUES with your BF, you deal with them in private, not throw a fit or screaming tirade in a park where OTHERS are trying to enjoy 4th of July.
Like I said, YOU ARE A GROWN WOMAN - ACT like one.
I think moving out would be good for both of you. He has issues he is NOT willing to deal with. (BTW if he was medically discharged he might be able to get help through VA which is a million times better than medicaid, as they KNOW a lot more about how to handle PTSD soldiers/veterans.) And Anxiety "pill" and/or other meds is not always the right thing for someone with PTSD that would be for a Doctor to evaluate.
And he would STILL get mad over your clothes. PTSD doesn't make a guy try and control what his GF wears, that is ridiculous.
I live with a Veteran, served 26 years in the Infantry. He got out on a medical retirement and one of the things on that LONG list of medical issues is PTSD. Someone with that is NOT easy to live with. Many solders REFUSE to seek help for PTSD because they CAN get barred from jobs. So it's easier to "pretend" you don't have it or that it will go away.
YOU CAN NOT make him get help. You CAN NOT change him.
But you CAN control your own actions, emotions, thoughts and words.
Move out. It will be better for both of you. YOU are not helping his condition by acting like a spoiled teenager with a chip on her shoulder.
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