A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:My boyfriend and I are pretty solitary. We go out and do things, but generally just the two of us. One of our mutual friends was talking about Halloween parties and he really wanted to go, but he did not seem to even think of taking me with him (I was standing right there during the conversation). I don't know if he's just that excited to go to something like that or what. He's done this with other events, too. I just wonder if I'm more of a convenient "pal" than a girlfriend. Wouldn't he want me to go with him? I'm kind of hurt, especially for ALL the things I've taken him to in the last year (we've gone to major rock concerts, the orchestra, smaller venues for concerts, downhill skiing, haunted houses, amusement parks, and other excursions at my expense). I've enjoyed doing all these things together, but we've never gone to something like a party together. Why would he not think to say the two of us would like to go, together?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): Talk to him about how you feel about this because it obviously bugs you. I think he should've personally said you also but don't make a big deal about it. Maybe he will later or once you announce how you feel he may even be pleased about you going too. It is worth a try goodluck.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Yours' (you and your B/F) is a peculiar arrangement when you (both) are in earshot of an invitation to a party, and your "B/F" believes that it is intended for him, only.... AND then has the gumption to say to you that HE's going .... and you aren't expected to do so!!!! HUH?????
You've done a fine job of trying to cover his failing, by claiming "..I don't know if he's just that excited to go to something like that or what.". You are a loyal G/F 'way beyond justification....
Maybe this guy really ISN'T a "B/F" after all...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 September 2011):
 With my guy, I occasionally have to make it very clear that something is important to me. He usually gets it and will then remember, especially if the discussion is particularly memorable or I can get him to understand it from my side.
That being said, I'm guilty of being oblivious plenty of times. He has to remind me too. So it goes both ways.
If there's a really bad pattern, then address it as constructively as you can. If he can't break it, and it is a deal-breaker for you, then let him go.
Have you tried talking to him about this or are you expecting him to mind-read your wishes?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 September 2011):
 I can see your point in his selfishness. That's a habit he's going to have to break on his own, if it's even possible.
At times he probably doesn't make you feel like you're on his priority list. I think it's a valid a reason to break up with a guy because you don't feel like you're a priority and that he's not at least putting half as much effort as you are in this relationship.
In situations like this though, it's still best to talk it out with him. Point out what's bothering, come up with a solution, and see if he turns this around.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (23 September 2011):
bardia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your answers. He's oblivious sometimes (especially when he gets excited about something). I just wonder if I want to spend the rest of my life asking him to make me feel like his priority and that he wouldn't overlook something like this. He freaks out if he thinks he has upset me and HE is the one always asking me to spend time with him. I'm all for "space" in a relationship. But I'm afraid in these social situations that he does want to appear single--misses it, even. He's an only child, was very spoiled (still is) and I often wonder if he knows how to consider people other than himself.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Are you sure that it was not assumed you are invited?
You were standing right there when the conversation happened.
It would be VERY rude to have discussed a party in front of you and exclude you. Maybe this is a misunderstanding?
Chances are the friend mentioned it to the both of you and expects both of you to attend, without having to go thru a more formal invite?
If it becomes clear that you were NOT invited-that tells you the charachter of your bf, your friend, and tells you how they both do not see the two of you that seriously.
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A
female
reader, Little Bunny +, writes (23 September 2011):
Just say " I am really looking forward to going to the party with you" If he just assumes you are going - no problem. If not, you can open up this dialog as to why he does not want you with him. Is he ashamed of you? Does he act differently around friends than with you? Does he want to appear single? Is it a guy party only?
Parties are usually mixed group affairs. I don't see this as alone time at all. Time with his buddies or a close friend gives him his space. If he doesn't want to take you, I would take it personally unless he can provide a good reason.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (23 September 2011):
 let him know how you feel. explain to him how you feel about being left out, he is more than likely excited about going and did not give a second thought. he needs to know that you are feeling like a convenient pal instead of being his girlfriend. tell him you are hurt. guys can do things at times and not think a second thought at times.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 September 2011):
Why wouldn't you feel comfortable bringing this up with him?
"Babe, I know we are kind of loners, but I'd like to go to a party with your friends with you. I'm feeling a bit concerned and hurt that you didn't think to include me in your friend's invitation. I'm also beginning to feel like I do the planning and paying for most of our social outings. Can we talk about this a little and try to sort it out?"
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 September 2011):
Are you saying that he attends parties/events without? Are you hurt by that?
Since you two are pretty solitary, do you not ever have any "me time"? You know where you spend time alone or with friends minus your significant other. Every couple needs their alone time. It's important to socialize with other people besides each other.
I believe he liked the idea of a Halloween party seeing as you two isolate yourselves...He didn't have to mention he was taking you because you always go with him, so that should be a given.
Now, if he doesn't then you shouldn't be offended that he wants to go to a party without you. There's nothing wrong with spending time apart. You're taking this a bit too personal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): This would hurt my feelings, too. In fact, my husband tends to do this to me. He always forgets to include me when it comes to friends, even mutual ones. It hurts more and more as time passes, so I say confront him about it. I confronted my husband and he just says I'm a grown up and can speak for myself. But still.... :(
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