A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee lives with me. He sometimes sends emails to his ex girlfriends with sexual inuendos. Should I be upset about this or is it harmless flirting/banter.He doesn't tell me about the messages and I have asked that he does. I have also seen some sexting/flirting texts on his phone with women I don't know. I feel jealous, but do you think I am over reacting. I wouldn't do this out of respect for him.
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ex girlfriend, fiance, flirt, his ex, jealous, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): Thank you so very much to those who took the time to reply. I appreciate it ENORMOUSLY. I actually needed some reassuranc. This happened a while ago, and I didn't find out till a long time after the incidents. I have ended the relationship, mainly because I was driving myself crazy not knowing if I could trust him again, and he didn't want to work on rebuilding my trust. To answer your questions, he moved into my home. And I originally found out not by snooping but someone else snooping.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): That is so wrong on so many levels. It is one thing to joke around but sexting I wouldn't put up with this if I were you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 To put your query in perspective, I've taken a quote from it....
... I wouldn't do this out of respect for him." I guess he doesn't feel the same way, or have much respect for YOU!!! Doesn't sound like a sound basis for a "relationship".
P.S. You write: "My fiancee lives with me." WHO is responsible for the home where you live? You? or, the two of you?.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2011):
 How do you know this? Have you snooped? If so, what promted you to snoop?
Seems to me you don't trust him much (which I can understand why) and he... doesn't seem to respect your or your relationship.
Either you sit him down and have a talk about values, morals and what you think is acceptable in a relationship and what are no-nos, or kick him to the curb. He is NOT going to stop doing this unless he realize that is it disrespectful and hurtful to do. And honestly if he is 40+ he OUGHT to know this. And he OUGHT to have a working moral compas.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 September 2011):
 No you're not overreacting. This is totally unacceptable for someone in a committed relationship. This is not someone ready to get married.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Put the marriage on hold. Flirting and sexting with other women while in a committed relationship is out of bounds.
I would not ask him to show you each case of this, but ask him WHY he does it?
Have you told him that you know of these texts and how it makes you feel?
If he complains about you looking at his phone, that should tell you clearly he is not ready to get married. He may not be boyfriend material either.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Oh brother. He's got an interesting way of 'entertaining' himself.
He'd be my ex-fiance, looking for a new place to live, just about now. It's so not okay.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 September 2011):
 You should be upset. What business does he have playing around sexually with his exes? Why is he still in contact with them? That's outrageous. And strange women?? Hello, this guy's been single far too long.
He's not ready for marriage. People about to marry don't act like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): No, I would be upset, too. Sexting/flirting like that is not okay.
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