A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll keep this simple.My girlfriend of 2 and a half years likes me to send "dirty" pictures of myself to her, or take my clothes off/change in front of her in person. I don't mind doing it, I want to do anything that will make her happy.But... she doesn't like doing that for me, and I've given up asking, because she only gets mad. Before it's brought up, nothing bad has happened to her in the past, except for lame boyfriends that she dumped.It hurts my feelings a lot, and I can't stop thinking about it!I can't seem to decide/figure out whether or not she's being mean to me, or if it's normal. In any case, I can't shake the feeling of being used. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 February 2011):
 If you guys haven't had sex and she doesn't reciprocate when it comes to naughty picture texts then it's probably due to some insecurities regarding her body, or she's saving herself for marriage. I'm thinking it might be my first guess. In which there isn't anything you can do about. All girls/women have insecurities regarding their body image. That's something she is going to have to cope with in her own way.
True, your pics could get leaked out onto the internet too. All the more reason not to send her any more.
What's up with the everyone else seems to not trust your girlfriend comment?
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Pictures will come back to haunt you. Don't do that anymore.
But it is important that she understand th econcept of give-and-take. Besides just being fair, I suspect she would actually be less attracted to you if you let her demand any terms that require you to do something for nothing.
It doesn't have to be an argument, or anything bad. You don't have to force her to do anything, or demand it. Simply make it a statement of fact - "I have done what you wanted, because I want to make you happy. If you don't feel the same way, that's fine, but I'm not going to be taken for granted."
Then, continue to enjoy the relationship, in all it's aspects, but don't undress for her the way you have been until she demonstrates a more egalitarian sense of things.
I should point out, it may be a simple insecurity in her body that makes her avoid it, rather than an entitlement attitude or anything like that. If you suspect that's the case, you can say (after what I wrote above) that her feelings are normal, but that you find her attractive, and she has nothing to be insecure about. After that, end the discussion, politely but firmly. No need to drag it out, just give her the thought and let her mull it over.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): No, we don't have an LDR, and we haven't had sex - obviously I'd have seen a lot more by now if that were the case.
Yeah, my pictures could get "leaked" too but, you know, I actually TRUST my girlfriend (unlike everybody else it seems).
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 February 2011):
Do you guys have a LDR? I mean she gets naked, undresses in front of you before sex.
It does sound very one-sided. She shouldn't ask for pictures if she isn't going to send some herself. Although, I do understand in the event of a break-up there's a chance that her pictures could get leaked onto the internet and come back to haunt her down the road. If that is the reason then she shouldn't be asking you to send her naughty pictures.
Really this is a case of "show me yours and I'll show you mine". But it's not working out for you. I agree with Dirtball in not sending anymore naughty pictures. Maybe she'll change her mind and send you some.
If not then is this argument really worth the trouble it's causing this relationship? Not really.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Hi, I'm the OP. Thank you for the response to my question.I have talked to her about it, but I don't like to, because like I said she only gets miffed, and says she will if she HAS to. Of course, I don't want her to do anything because she feels obligated, so I tell her to not worry about it. I would only be happy if she wanted to, but she doesn't, ever.It makes for a sorry Valentine's Day, I'll tell you that.But I don't want to make her sound like a jerk, because she's really nice besides that, most of the time.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 February 2011):
 I don't blame you for feeling that way. Something like that shouldn't be one sided. Have you told her how this makes you feel? You definitely should. Personally, I'd definitely stop with the pictures. Changing around her is one thing, but pictures are another level.
...............................
|
