A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After a break up with my ex we started to try and work things out, going for dates etc, and things seem to be going well. However a lot of people have commented that im stupid for taking him back as a lot of things have gone wrong with our relationship and because they said his attitude stinks! I have seen it as someone i love and care about and trying to work it out with them, though the more people talk the more im starting to doubt myself as doing the best thing. Should I ignore these feelings?
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 They could be right. I am not sure how forgiving I would be if I were thrown out on a whim (to be told a week later it was a mistake), but they also could be wrong.
Ultimately it is you who lives with your life's decisions, so it is only you who can decide what is right.
Your friends and family must have reasons for their advice however, as I've said before, you may need to learn your lessons the hard way. There is no shame in that. We all need to walk the hard path sometimes.
As long as no one else can be hurt (like your children if you had any), you have a right to make whatever decisions you wish.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhat went wrong was that my ex was having troubles with access to his son, his education and his own self worth and things got too much for him and he decided that throwing me out would improve his situation only to tell me a week after he had made a huge mistake. His and my attitude is that we need to start from the begining and take things slow and easy because of whats happened, he has told me he loves me and i believe him. Why im letting other people, im not so sure, probably because its close friends and family who are telling me im in the wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): i think that you need to trust your heart on this one, if its love that you feel for him, then let it go and be with him, try to talk whenever you have a problem, cause that way will make things easy for you. try to understand him more and always be honest to your self.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 Its very hard to know what dynamic is working here between you and your reprized relationship with the ex.
First of all what went wrong and when. Second what's his attitude? And third, why are you letting other people make decisions for your heart?
There's too little to go on in what you've written so there's a guess going on here.
From personal experience, you can try again after a break up. Its possible and it takes patience and a lot of forgiveness and compassion.
If the two of you care deeply about each other, then devoting the time and effort to each other can make changes in your relationship so that its stronger, not weaker.
However, all of that said, based on what you've written its impossible to know if you may or even can succeed a second time.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (15 September 2009):
I don't know anything about this guy, but here are a few thoughts I have on the matter that may help clarify things in your own head.1) Going back with an ex doesn't usually work out. If it failed the first time, it will fail the second time. In the beginning, everyone is on their best behaviour, but their true selves always come back in time.2) While there may be exceptions to #1, I doubt this is one of them. However, there are journeys that each of us needs to take; lessons we must learn that we need to figure out for ourselves, even if that means learning the hard way despite ordinarily good advice from those who love us.I suspect you are repeating a “lesson” because there was something about yourself you failed to learn the first time around. We all walk a different path and you, like everyone else, is entitled to make your own mistakes and to learn from them.So, if you are determined to work things out with this guy, you could do so in such a way as to not hinder the friendships you have with your friends. Don’t force them to hang out with him, for example. Don’t ask them for a lot of advice with regards to them.Examine what it is about this guy that attracts you to him. Could I find that from someone else? Good luck.
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