A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently broke up with me and I was/am devastated as I love him in so many ways. Before we even started dating we were close friends and had so much fun together. Then we started getting more intimate and before long were an official couple. We went out for a year and had some incredible times both togther and with our friends. We get on so so well, have the same quirky sense of humour, trusted each other 100% and genuinely both really cared for and loved each other. I was so happy. However approaching our year anniversary I think he started freaking out thinking about the future and us and everything and he started thinking so much that he seemed to forget about all the special, good things about our relationship. Perhaps everything was too perfect at such a young age? I don't know. I asked him if it was something that I had done and he refused to say that it was- he said I was the most amazing girl he has ever met but he just isn't sure he wants to make things work anymore. He gave me no reasons. I know sometimes there just aren't reasons, but it is very hard to accept that you have been rejected when you do not know why. Only two weeks ago we were sleeping together and everything seemed the same as it always had been. Now we aren't talking.When we were discussing breaking up, he told me that I was, apart from anything else, his best friend. He is one of mine too, regardless of being my boyfriend. Now that we are apart I have been advised by most people to not contact him and I imagine that he has been told the same thing. I am finding that although I am missing the whole 'boyfriend/girlfriend' thing, the main thing I am missing is my best friend. It feels wrong and weird not talking to him. I am sure that we can be friends again in the future or should at least try to be since that is what we both want. However I have no idea how long to leave things until we start talking again. I think he is avoiding talking to me for fear of hurting me more. I just can't help thinking that although this is a painful time, I would rather have him in my life as a friend, than not in my life at all. He was always my friend first and my boyfriend second anyway. Maybe we were just destined to be best friends....We were each others' first loves and first sexual partners. We've learnt and experienced so much together and the whole of the year we hardly ever argued and never did anything to make the other hate us. Neither of us would ever have dreamt of cheating. I have nothing to hate him for. I knew that he hated hurting me when he broke up with me. We are only 19 and if we had stayed together until marriage I don't think that would have been great either because we would have had doubts about not experiencing life apart etc. Our eventual break-up was pretty much inevitable. I didn't want to break-up with him, but I definitely didn't want to lose my best friend too.Should I just accept that I have lost him from my life? Or do you think that we could eventually regain our friendship with each other?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks yes it does help Tess. I think that is how I feel too. I just do not know how long I should wait before contacting him. I don't want to appear clingy and desperate for him to want to be with me again. Obviously a big part of me is hoping that he realises what he has lost and comes running back to me as I still care for him, but now he has hurt me so much I'm not sure I could ever trust him as a boyfriend not to break my heart again anyway. But yeah, seeing as we are so young I do not want to just rule out the future altogether. I love him as a friend anyway and surely trying to maintain a friendship means that if we ARE meant to be together at another time in our life, we will still be in a postition to give things a shot. If we AREN'T then I will find someone I love more, yet still not have lost a best friend along the way. What do you think?
A
female
reader, Tess12  +, writes (15 September 2009):
I admire your attitude and don't think you should just walk away from what was once a great friendship. How about telling him that? Emailing him even, so there is not so much pressure for him to reply? Just tell him you miss your friendship and when he is ready, the door is always open for friendship whatever was there before. He too may be missing his friend. It's worth a shot. Don't close the door. You are both very young, give yourselves a bit of time apart to experience life without each other but I would try not to lose the friendship if I were you. Hope this helps xx
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