A
female
age
30-35,
*irefliest
writes:hi all,i just have no idea how i am feeling now, i just broke up with a German guy(who lives in Beijing),i am a Chinese girl~and he was my colleague last year,and we were just friends,we did not meet up often when we were just friends,but since he knew that i fancy him a lot,he started to text me and we were kinda together,we did have sex and he was so sweet to me! but he also told that he can't promise a serious relationship with me,because he will go back to Germany to finish his study,i said all right, because at this time,we were both just having fun together..but day after day,i just found that it is more then having fun or something like that,i think i am in love with him,i just fall for him,it is such strong feeling! but i was not planing to tell him how i feel,because i know he is scared of being in love again,and he is honest to tell me that don't like him too much,i might will get hurt,i said it is ok,i can handle it...but actually i lost my control,i like him too much...i know he liked me much,maybe less then i do,but he still cares about my feeling~but finally, a month ago,i told him that i would go to another city for some kinda reason and i wrote an email to him to tell him all i wanted to tell,i said i like u too much,and i may wanna be serious with u, i know you won't be serious with me,but it is ok, as long as u let me love you,then no matter what u gonna do,i will be fine..after i sent the mail to him and i went to another city...i did not get any mail or msg during this time...and when i got back again,he texted me and said, we should be apart for a while,u would be better off,don't want u get hurts...when i got his msg,i just felt so bad..what does it means? it means it is over ? or just be apart for a while as he said, how long is this " a while?" i just got so much questions on my mind...another 2 weeks later,i said i really wanna see u,i need to see u ...and he said fine,let's meet up at ss(a club name),then we met and i felt something wrong , he just acting so cold to me,in the past,he would be cool to hold me and dance with me,but at this moment,he was just being so cold...other friends were dancing and he was standing there and drink,i could not dance with others,all my attention was just around him..i asked him if he is fine,and he said just tired,and when he said he wanted to go home,and he asked me if i wanted to go with him,i said yes,because that was i want to..because it was like this in the past,we hang out and we go home together...after i got his place and we had sex,it was not that good,because i could feel he did not focus on that,and next morning he finally told me,he has another girl,he said he doesn't wanna to hurt me,but he has to,because we won't have any happy ending...when he said so,i did believe,i really believe,,he is a nice guy even though he has other girl...after i left his home and he sent a msg to me "i don't know where things are going on right now, i don't wanna hurt you,so if you don't wanna get hurt , u should stay away from me"..and i texted back " as long as u know which one is better for u,then it could be fine , but let me know if someday u wanna come back to me" my heart was bleeding,it just hurts so much..i know that he would never come back again! i lost him...and Beijing starts to snow.....it is another lonely sad day !!! am i stupid?? is there a better guy?? i don't know...
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female
reader, Chen +, writes (8 July 2010):
Well,I just simply think this german guy is not serious to you while you got your feet well in the situation.Some guys are like that.They just enjoyed having sex with the girls,and never want a long-term/serious relationship with those women.Please be careful of the imtimate relationship as a girl,you should try to care more about yourself.He's not the one for you,that's just a truth,a sad truth though.Yeah,Time heals.good luck to you!
A
female
reader, firefliest +, writes (1 March 2010):
firefliest is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know i should stay away from him,when it started,i already knew it could be like this oneday! i was so brave to say allright,i will be fine totally~ but now i just feel it is not that easy to be allright...
what i can do is keep myself busy,keeping working and don't give myself any time to think of him...
i will try my best ....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): i think that you have to think about this.
it sounds as if he is right and you should stay away even if you did get what you wanted and he left this other girl could you trust him? i think that you sould stay away for a while and sort ur head out there are a lot of men out there and i think that if u stayed with this man u would end up hurt and not very happy becasue u wouldnot be able to trust him would you ??? he has cheated on this other girl what makes u so diffrent???
so go and live ur life find a man that will make u very happy :) its not worth waitin around for someone that will just end up hurting you have a good life :) X
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A
male
reader, baddogbj +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Firefliest
No you are not stupid. You sound like a sweet hearted girl and yes there is someone out there that is better for you. It is easy to be sad at the end of the holiday and with the snow falling but loving someone a lot that loves you only a little is a very painful path. I wasted nearly 6 years doing that. Move on quickly and try to avoid seeing him at all because each time that you see him it will be like rubbing a wound. This may be difficult if you have shared friends but try.
For whatever reason - and there are many many different views on this - Beijing is a city where white skinned foreign men have more choice of beautiful girls than they do back home. Unfortunately many of us do not handle that temptation well.
I have used very similar words "Don't love me because I can't love you back and I don't want you to get hurt". Honestly, these are not good words. It is a way of persuading ourselves and others that we are "nice guys" when we are about to do something that's not nice. What it means basically is that "What I'm looking for is fun sex with no consequences". If he realised that you were feeling love for him that he couldn't return then the truely noble thing for him to do would be to walk away.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 ....oh yes - there is a much better guy. Just gotta be patient.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (1 March 2010):
No Miss, you are not stupid. Just in love. Unfortunately, there is no known cure for a broken heart. He should, however, have kept some distance between you instead of taking you back to his and having sex. Just think to yourself: Can you trust a guy like that, one who has a girlfriend yet has sex with another? And what's all this crap about him saying not to stay with him or you'll get hurt? So sorry Miss, but this sounds very much like he's used you for lustful purposes, not love. None of this is your fault - you put your trust and love in him - he let you down.
I'm afraid it's the old cliche - time heals.
Please take care Miss and good luck. Zaijian.
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