A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice/opinions/anything on this issue I have. As long as I can remember I’ve been really attracted to blond/blue eyed/boyish looking men (Brad Pitt when he was young, Jensen Ackles, Patrick Wilson type guys). I’ve ‘chased’ a few guys in the past who look like this but it’s never worked out. My current boyfriend is brown haired and brown eyed and doesn’t have that boyish/cute look, but he’s the greatest guy in terms of personality and how he treats me. I’ve been with him for about 4 months. The other day his friend from college had an engagement dinner and invited us. When we arrived and I laid eyes on his friend I was blown away…blond, blue eyed, cute, absolutely gorgeous. During the dinner I found myself checking his friend out and I felt so horrible. I had the greatest guy sitting next to me and there I was checking out his ‘engaged’ friend.It really worries me that I can be so shallow and ‘chase’ men based on how they look. I feel horrible for not appreciating what I have right in front of me. I know that for a relationship to work, it’s more about the meeting of personalities than being with someone just for looks, but I can’t help it. Even though I have a great guy I still find myself checking out blonde men when I’m out. I would never cheat or anything like that but just the fact that I do this makes me wonder if I’m insane or something.I am scared that if I keep seeking that perfection, that fantasy in my head of the blond man, I will end up alone and miserable. I know people always say don’t settle and all that but seriously, life is not perfect and it’s not a fairytale and I’m scared that I will just waste time and miss out on a great relationship just because I’ve got this attraction to a specific kind of man. I don’t know what’s going on with me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): No I do not think you are superficial. I have heard all my life men are visual and women emotional. I am a very visual person but like loyalty, kindness , sense of humor etc. I like guys that have thick brown hair, blue eyes, good looks like Matt Damon, Bill Ransic ( The Apprentice- gorgeous!), John F Kennendy JR (hunk) This is a tough call. Maybe have this guy try highlighting his hair, Women dye thier hair blond alot for men. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (7 November 2009):
 I don't understand what's so special about Brad Pitt? Even when he was younger, I asked myself the same thing. I don't mean to insult anyone, but if I were a cat, I would bury Brad Pitt in kitty litter.
LePew makes a good point... are you with your boyfriend because you LOVE him? Or is he just a great guy that you settled for? It's so very, very important to be sincere, not just with others but with yourself.
When all's said and done, though, you like what you like.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Well, this is interesting. If you are really stuck on this type of man and it is important to what you want, then maybe you won't be satisfied with your boyfriend. Is it shallow, yes, even if you admit to it, it is shallow.
And brings up a point I made in a previous post about why men won't commit.
People often choose partners for the wrong reasons, and one of the biggest is what that person looks like that the physical attraction is the biggest thing...and they overlook if that same attractive person is someone they really enjoy being with because of all the other great qualities in a person you admire, like character, etc.
You have to realise the beauty fades, even you mentioned you like Brad Pitt when he was young, he was like a Greek God to you I imagine, and now that he is an old man of 45, not so much. So my point being at the end of the day, looks are not very important unless you are shallow enough to trade in your partner for another as they age.
Of course you are going to look at whom you find beautiful, it is human nature, but speaking for myself, If I truly love someone for who they are as a person, even Brad Pitt wouldn't take me off him. I just think the person I am in love with is the most beautiful to me.
And not everyone has the same idea of beauty either. I personally have a preference for men with dark hair, perhaps because my Dad is a blonde and I am just not attracted to that....I don't know, I have tried to figure it out and I haven't come up with a better answer.
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A
male
reader, duce00  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 I like the blond dye for your BF idea!
Seriously though, are you just admiring Gods handiwork when you look at these guys or are you having an involved fantasy life involving these men? That is the determining factor I think.
Men are notorious for this behavior, I know that. Women do it too and you have been quite honest about that. I appreciate that by the way, its a good sign for you.
I can tell you that as time goes by the value of these thought starts to drop. The value of a good relationship and somebody you can really connect with keeps going up and the eye candy factor starts slipping a little further down. There comes a better set of priorities with appearance vs. content.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I am also very attracted to blonde blue eye cute types. My first husband was a white blonde and phenomenally good looking but was so arrogant it was unbelievable. People would stop in the street to look at him. My second husband was also a blonde and he also thought the world owed him a living. I am now married to a dark haired chap who I honestly don't fancy as much but is a much kinder person than the other two and who really loves me. I am very shallow and put up with 20 years of misery and constant adultery from the beautiful white blonde because I put looks first and would forgive him anything. People are attracted to certain types, i still look at Owen Wilson with lust but from experience the more beautiful they are and the more other women want them then the nastier they often are because they know they can have their pick. It is only shallow if you do not acknowledge that you are being shallow.
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male
reader, Dylan McK  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 I am black haired/green eyed and ive been going out with the same girl for 3 years now. Looks are a signifficant part of attraction, along with intelligence, charm and sexual ability.
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (2 November 2009):
 If you love your boyfriend then dont worry about the types of guys you check out.
Its normal for women to look at other guys and say "he's hot!" or "he's cute!"
Its only when you act on this impulse physically then you are doing wrong by your partner.
Before that, your only observing the people around you and if you love your boyfriend then what does it matter if he is dark haired?
I personally find dark haired guys more beautiful but just because a blonde pops up doesnt mean I wont look and observe.
It depends how far you take things and honestly its normal.
Dont worry too much about it.
Goodluck!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (2 November 2009):
 Well, you like the men you like. Now, are you serious about your boyfriend? Do you see him as "Brownie-I-Settled-For"?
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