A
male
age
51-59,
*elmar
writes:There is a woman at my job that I have really fallen for. We started talking as friends last year and sometime in July of last year I looked at her one day and something changed. All she did was look at me and smile. I suddenly wanted to be more than friends. I was very scared to say anything because I think she is absolutely gorgeous and probably has guys trying to get with her all the time. Me, well, I make Urkel from Family Matters look like a stud. She could tell something was bothering though and she told me that there was nothing in this world that I could say that would make her think badly of me. I finally confessed to her that I had developed feelings for her and to my surprise she said that the same had happened to her. We "talked" and shared for about two weeks and then the wheels fell off. She admitted to me that there was another guy that she had been wanting to talk to before I had said anything and she was still liking him. I told her I appreciated her being honest with me and I told her that if she wanted to pursue him that I would step away and that no matter what, at a minimum, I would always be her friend. I never stopped having feelings for her no matter how hard I tried and I regretted not fighting for "us" more. In Dec, at a company party, I got a text from her that stated, "Damn, you look amazing!" and it was from her. Afterwards we met and had, what I thought was a good talk. I admitted to still having feelings for and she said she was still attracted to me as well. Ever since that talk I have been very up front about my feelings but she doesn't respond to anything at all. When I see her I can see in her eyes that there is still a light in there for me. Her eyes are the most amazing things I have ever seen and they speak volumes. Anyways, I am torn because I have told her that her "ignoring" me is telling me that she wants me to leave her alone and that I am a bother. She assures me that I am not and that she doesn't want me to leave her alone but there is no explanation as to why she literally will not answer any e-mails or text messages. Am I setting myself up to be hurt, yet again, by her? Why wouldn't she talk to me and answer messages if she still has feelings for me? Thanks for any advice.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Glad to help out, and thanks for the follow up.
Time to pay attention to that little voice. It's often more right than we want to admit. Good luck.
A
male
reader, nelmar +, writes (18 January 2011):
nelmar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. I've been ignoring that "little voice" for some time now. I wish it would be different too but her non-vocal responses are saying it pretty loudly. She is always telling me that I "don't bother her" and that I "don't need to leave her alone" but I guess if that were true I would be getting some type of response or reaction from her. Nothing means nothing is there anymore (if it ever really were). I asked her a long time ago if she really did have feelings for me of if what she felt was a response to everything I would say or do for her (do you really like me or is it more you just like how I make you feel with all I do). She said she really has feelings, she just doesn't express her feelings well. Crap, a simple hello and/or I still feel the same would be fine. Doesn't have to be some poetic response...Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 January 2011):
My gut feeling here is she's keeping you around as a fall back. When things don't go right for her on other fronts, she knows you'll be there to boost her back up. She will then take that confidence you've helped re-establish and be off to her next guy. When that fails, she'll be looking for the pick-me-up that you offer. I wish I felt differently here, but she's starting to demonstrate a pattern.
Remember, actions speak to someone's true intentions. Words are easy to fake when you know how, but how someone behaves is what reveals the truth.
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