A
female
age
30-35,
*hnookims
writes:Hi AllI'm nearly 22 and I've been with my fiance for nearly 4 years and we have two little girls. We live together and are getting married at the end of next year. Our youngest is only 4 months and I fell pregnant with our eldest at the end of my matric year, so other then distantce eduacation psychology courses,all I've done since leaving school is keeping house and taking care of our children. not that this is a problem, i know how priviledged I am to be able to be with them for the begining of their lives and I love my little girls to bits. Lately though, it's been extremely hard. My youngest is a really really difficult baby, I can barely put her down during the day and she keeps me up all night. my eldest just wants to play and be loved (she will definately be going to nursery school from the beginning of next year) but it's hard for me at the moment to give her what she needs. I'm frustrated but what's even more frustrating is that my fiance's life is just moving forward and I feel like I'm exactly where I was 3 years ago. He just bought a brand new car, is at a band audtion to be a drummer right now, and is flying to Dubai on Friday night till Monday morning for a job interview. He's finished his studies and plans to study even further next year. he has all these plans and I'm just here. i am happy for him and i feel really selfish for feeling this but it's really getting me down. I'm sitting at home and he rushes in just to rush out. Weekends he usually helps me and ow this one, I get no help at all. it's been like this the last few weekends. I have to take care of two screaming children for two weeks without a break. i can't drop them off anywhere and lost all my friends out of school. Secretly, I hope he doesn't get in the band and that makes me feel awful but I don't want to be alone at nights with the girls AS WELL. His drumming is how he gets his stres sout but I have nothing but I'm constantly with my girls. I try talking to him but he can't understand it. He says i should be happy for him and for us. Am I selfish for thinking what about me?
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (29 November 2010):
Definitely agree with dirtball. Parenthood is a 2 person responsibility. They're both of your kids, and he needs to step up and share some of the burden. Sure, he may be the one making money while you take care of the children, at least for now, but taking care of kids is a job too, probably tougher than his. He needs to take some time to let you take a break. Definitely talk to him about it, try to get him to understand. Leaving him with the 2 children while you go out with friends or something, would be a great way to show him how tough it can be. Try to reconnect with some of your friends. You sound quite stressed and lonely, with him out so much. Maybe you can access a community resource or make some friends with other mothers that live near you. You could have play dates and that way you get some adult time for yourself.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 You're not selfish for thinking about this. It's selfish of him to never spend any time with the kids, or helping around the house. Everyone needs a break sometimes. You're not being ungrateful for wanting a break or wanting to do something for yourself. Ask him to spend 24 hours taking care of the kids while you go visit your parents. See how it goes for him. Hopefully if he gets a taste of what you're having to do to keep up with them, he will help out some more. Let him know you're not asking him to take over, just that you're feeling all alone working 24 hours a day without a break.
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