A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone hope you can help me. This is really long but please bare with me.My boyfriend was in a two and a half year relationship with a girl who ended up cheating on him and leaving him for the other guy. She was his first true love, his first serious girlfriend, they had an amazing relationship and he loved her a whole lot.As much as my boyfriend has told me he's over her and doesn't want her back...I honestly don't think he is completely over her or the bad break up they had. He has told me the way things ended with them still hurts him. Sad truth is is that she really doesn't want anything to do with him anymore (he's even told me this himself) but deep down inside he says he would really like if they could have remained friends and that it hurts him that she doesn't talk to him about her problems anymore.And unfortunately my insecurities and worrying about this situation is damaging my relationship with him. Recently I have found out him and his ex and a couple of other of their friends all still have contact with each other. We have good communication and we always talk about any problems we have, so I decided to have a talk with him about this. He got really upset about the conversation we had about it and tells me he doesn't understand why I'm not okay with him still talking to the ex girlfriend. I didn't tell him he couldn't talk to her I just wanted to talk to him about how I was feeling because I do feel hurt and confused by the whole situation and I just wanted to talk about it and clear some things up. He got upset and said he just wouldn't talk to any of them anymore, including the ex.Well anyways, he's been totally different with me since we had that talk and he just seems really upset with me and maybe even a little frustrated. He has made comments like I don't trust him and I need to stop worrying for nothing. I'm totally fine with ex's being friends with each other, but in this situation I just don't really understand why he would want to be friends with someone who cheated on him and hurt him so bad, which is why I think he might still have feelings for her. She has moved on completely and is still with the guy she cheated with, so I just don't understand why he doesn't want to move on completely too. It makes me feel like he will always love her more than he will ever love me and that I will never compare to how great she was for him. Am I second best to him? Am I being a crazy insecure girlfriend? Is this situation normal or is it really a problem?
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female
reader, isitok  +, writes (2 October 2013):
your not crazy. I used to worry about the same thing with my boyfriend, he just seemed to be so i love with his ex, and that worried me, but that doesnt mean he is cheating or anything he way just be defecive beacause its a sentitive subjet. sometimes us gilrs think we are being very calm and rational about things when we talk to our boyfriends about them buts they dont always see it that way. If i were you i would just appolagize to him and tell him that you just felt a little bit insecure and that you only hope he can feel as much for you as he did for her, then then bring the subjet back up. talking about ex loves is always hard for a guy, just trust him and trust in your slef that your better then her for him and things should be just fine. ( ps this is how i fix the 100% same problem with my boyfriend)
A
female
reader, Rainbowponies  +, writes (1 October 2013):
Firstly, you do not strike me as crazy or insecure. I find this kind of unusual. People being friends with their exes is not always a problem. Just in this case I do agree that it's strange he'd want to be friends with a cheat. My ex cheated and I hate him and have removed all traces of him from my life. The fact that you tried calmly to talk to him and he got defensive is suspicious too. My cheating ex used to make me feel like a crazy person when I got jealous of this one girl and later it turned out he was cheating with her.I'm not saying he is cheating or even that he is still in love with her. Only he knows that. I just want you to know that you aren't crazy, your feelings are valid and to be careful with anyone who makes you feel mental and jealous or less than the person you are. To me it sounds like you're a rational tolerant person and I really hope things work out for you. :)
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