A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About 5 years ago I had a relationship with a married woman. I thought I was falling in love and probably was, but then her husband died unexpectedly and I ran. I couldn't be there for her when she needed me but I think it was just too much at that time. I felt horrible and checked in from time to time but in the meantime life went on. I met someone and she met someone but we still stayed in a little contact throughout that time.We actually were able to look past our discretions and developed a really strong friendship again. The woman I met broke up with me after 2 years and I was devastated.The other woman was really good at being my friend through it even though she was in a committed relationship. After a few months of trying to see past my break up, I was alone with that woman and I couldn't help myself but I am still attracted to her so I made a move. We landed up having sex. Now I think about her all the time. We have had sex 5 times and I won't lie it has been incredible. I guess I am confused as to why she is with me when she is living with her new BF. Does she have feelings for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2013): Well there is probably a reason she keeps coming back to you. Even though everyone on this wants say bad things about her, I think you need to look at it from a different direction. It doesn't sound like she is just randomly cheating. She was with you 5 yrs ago when she was married, but that was not a cheating incident it sounds like it was an affair (which is different than random infidelity). You couldn't be there for her and both of you moved on. Your relationship didn't work out, but hers has (regardless of her being with you again). It seems that when you are both in relationships it is fine, but in some ways you need to take responsibility for pulling her back in just because your relationship didn't work out. She obviously has a weakness for you. And thinking of it from a woman's perspective, I am sure she must have some feelings for you as well because that is innate with women. Most women can't emotionally detach themselves from sex. So if you care about her and think you might have feelings maybe you talk with her about the potential of the two of you. It is not like she is looking to cheat. She probably wouldn't if it hadn't been for you pursuing it. I was in a similar situation and I know that I was not a serial cheater. I cared about the other man-- it wasn't random. I would have never just had random sex and cheat. It was just this particular guy and we had a connection beyond sex. Of course it had to end when I realized I wanted by husband for all the things the other man couldn't give me and most importantly for my children's sake. Give her the choice to choose you if that is something you want. If you don't present the option, you will never know.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): Women are different from men. Men can cheat and still be totally in love with their wives.
Women cannot. It's just a fact. Talk to any woman who has cheated on her partner and she eventually will cop to the fact that she does not or has never been truly in love with the partner she cheated on.
None of the exceptions to the rule apply when dealing with a serial cheater. These women are narcissists who are incapable of emotionally healthy relationships. Be stupid and stay with her if you want to, but don't cry over spilled milk when you catch her in bed with someone.
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A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (2 October 2013):
She was with you while married? Are you for real? She really did not feel anything for you. It was only sex . What more do you want from a married woman. Some not all that have flings and hookups lead to anything, but most do not. You were the ultimate sucker. Next time stay away from married women they only bring grief and headaches. Good-luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2013): Seriously? She was with you when she was with her husband? She's now with you when she's with someone else??
You really think it was ever love?? Not lust or infactuation- she must be a very charming, manipulative woman. If you truly loved her why couldn't you be there for her?
I'm sorry but you're not thinking with your brain or your heart. Get a grip mate! Really do you EVER think this can ever be anything more than just incredible lust? Lets not forget the guy she's cheating on. You're just tapping into some thing dormant in her, that she is going to do with you or someone else.
I think you should just walk away from this, cos she's a mistake.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (1 October 2013):
 look at her history, my friend, and the answer is crystal clear. what was she doing to her husband when she was with you? cheating. and what is she doing to her current boyfriend, once again, with you? cheating. and what do you think she would do to you with another man, if you were to commit to her and be her boyfriend? cheat.
come on. this woman is a cheater by nature. i'm sure she fed you all sorts of lines about how awful her husband was and how unhappy she was. and i'm sure she'd say the same for her current boyfriend. she'll justify it somehow that he just doesn't completely satisfy and fulfill her. and she would say the same things about you to another man if you were her boyfriend. she's proven it time and time again. if you had stayed with her after her husbands tragic death, you would have been in her boyfriends shoes, being the one being cheated on. she won't change.
my suggestion to you? don't even worry about what her feelings for you are. she's not anyone you ever want to get involved with. run for the hill, man.
ps: i've dated a serial cheater. this woman sounds just like my ex.
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