A
female
age
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*caredorsmart
writes:I met a wonderful guy about 3-wks ago and I feel that he is moving entirely too fast. He is about 9-yrs my senior. Has been married x 4 (now divorced 8-yrs).*He says he is crazy about me*He wants me to move with in with him*It seems he only hears what he is saying and doesn't care what matters to me*I am only seeing him and no one else - I have made this clear each time the conversation comes up*He says he is going to back off until I can tell him I want to commit to him?*I continue to tell him I don't have a problem with commitment - but I want to get to know him longer than 3-wks.*His over bearing insistance and negative comments about the future of our continued relationship is causing doubt in my mind and making me feel very uncomfortable - almost suspicious? I told him that I keep having a feeling of Deja vu. That is how we learn - from experiences. And he comes back with the verbal lashing.*I so remember going through this before - being rushed into a relationship and it ended up the guy had a girl he was stringing along - contingent upon how far he got with me. The truth came out and that was painful - I don't want to be a planned rebound.I have been married x 2 (19 and again at 35) and have been divorced now for x 21 yrs - since then, I have had 2-serious relationships (1 guy passed away the other wanted someone younger).I don't feel in any hurry to rush into a relationship - it is extremely important to me to spend time and get to know a person. I need to know if I am being unreasonable? What is the big hurry? Why all the negative comments that seem to just cause me stress? Is he running from someone/thing?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): Run! This guy is bad news. Trust your gut. I just got out of an abusive relationship with a psycho (he really is) and he was exactly how you describe this guy. Every suspicion you have about this guy is right on. Do research on the internet about abusive types and about narcissistic personality disorder. The sooner you end this the better off you'll be. I haven't got an ounce of doubt in my mind this guy is no good. At this age )ou don't need to take crap from anybody. Listen to your gut! Its never wrong! Never. Run.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): Run! This guy is bad news. Trust your gut. I just got out of an abusive relationship with a psycho (he really is) and he was exactly how you describe this guy. Every suspicion you have about this guy is right on. Do research on the internet about abusive types and about narcissistic personality disorder. The sooner you end this the better off you'll be. I haven't got an ounce of doubt in my mind this guy is no good. At this age )ou don't need to take crap from anybody. Listen to your gut! Its never wrong! Never. Run.
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A
female
reader, chick989  +, writes (22 December 2009):
sounds similar to my situation all over again. My boyfriend is 50, been married once and has 5 kids from 3 different woman. we fell in love at first sight, he was so romantic and would do the sweetest little things for me. however, a year on and the nolvelty has worn off for him. he's majorly financially stable along with other problems, it now seems to me as though i was just a 'pick me up'. he wants to be with me but is very thoughtless (not the man i thought he was) i feel he spoilt me to get me to be his.
is this guy got any problems you know of?
if he's worth it he will wait and still feel so in love with you no matter how long you take if it is real love
x
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A
female
reader, scaredorsmart +, writes (22 December 2009):
scaredorsmart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for you prompt replies. I appreciate your response and feel especially grateful because it comes from both genders - which in my opinion, provides a balance. I must follow my conscience and keep it slow - TIME is what builds a foundation in a relationship and that is what I require. The following, is from the guy I am dating and is what prompted me to seek your opinion. I haven't spoken to him since Sunday night and his last spoken words to me were "when you are ready to commit, let me know"...Of course I welcome "dearcupid" comments. Thanks again.... The Reward for Irritation The little boy walked into a Dairy Queen restaurant and sat quietly at a table. He put all of the change from his pocket on the table and was slowly counting the coins. The waitress walked over to him with her order pad in her hand. "May I help you?." she asked. The little boy, trying not to lose count concentration, did not immediately respond. "What do you want, young man?," the waitress, starting to lose patience, asked. The little boy looked up with sad eyes and asked, "How much is an ice cream sundae, ma'am?" The waitress gruffly replied, "One dollar seventy-five cents." The little boy went back to counting his coins. The waitress, now irritable, asked, "Well?" The little boy, with even sadder eyes, asked, "How much just for a bowl of vanilla ice cream?" The waitress viciously replied, ":Seventy-five cents !" The little boy said, "Well, I'll just have a bowl of vanilla ice cream. The waitress swung around, went behind the counter, roughly scooped the ice cream, rammed it into a bowl, came back to the table, and almost slammed the bowl on the table in front of the little boy. Then she briskly walked away. When the waitress later came back to the little boy's table, he had gone and the bowl was empty. On the table was four quarters and three nickels - with a note on a napkin which read: I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD ENOUGH MONEY FOR YOUR TIP. My intentions toward you are just as well-meaning as that little boy's: Ma'am, how much of my heart does it take to win yours? Get irritated, walk away, then come back to the table. You will see my WHOLE heart laying there. The term "de ja vu" is a selfish term that deals with one person's recall of an experience expected to recur. I am dealing with "notre vie nouvelle" - which means OUR NEW LIFE. ciao
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (22 December 2009):
 There should be no big hurry, and his great haste signals potential problems. You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable and are wise to tread carefully here.
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