A
male
age
36-40,
*exington
writes:Hi,I have questions that I wish to have answered, but I do not think an answer exists to these questions. I guess I am looking for what other people think, and I am not expecting some magic response...My fiancee and I have been together for years. Yes, I am engaged to be married and the date is fast approaching. It's becoming real. I am starting to contemplate the life commitment that I will be making, and, frankly, it is starting to freak me out... I kind of feel like that guy at the beginning of the movie "Top Gun", the one who gets psyched out when he faces danger in live combat and decides to resign from his appointment to the Top Gun training school (does anyone know what I am talking about?). In my case, the "live combat" is the act of having to prepare for the wedding and my "appointment to the Top Gun training school" is the commitment of marriage.There are many tangents to this story of mine, but I would only like to focus on one.Lately, I have been having strong sexual desires for various female friends that are a part of my life. I do not know why, but I can't stop thinking about engaging in sexual encounters with a few of my female friends. I am not saying I ever would, but the desire clearly exists... I even had a dream the other night that one of my female friends and I had a sexual encounter. Is this wrong? What does this mean about my engagement to my fiancee? It's almost as if my subconcious is telling me that I do not want to get married because I will not be able to pursue other women...I am so confused right now. I do not know what to do. Whenever I think about the wedding, I feel like getting in my truck and driving far, far away so that I can be alone. I feel like I need to get away from the pressures of everything.I am writing to this website because I feel like I cannot let anyone in my life know of these feelings of mine.
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female
reader, TamyKarcz  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 Dear OPI have read your entire story and i would have the tendency to say you almost sound like you're having an arranged marriage. And even if that would be the case i wouldn't take it hardly. If it was an arranged marriage, depending on the religion... things might work out after all. I don't know all the facts, i have no idea what pushed you to come here..you sound a bit desperate. I don't think i could help you, since you yourself have mentioned in the beginning of the message that your question has no miracle response. However, i would like to say, that i know a guy who is basically in the same situation. The same age, engaged since 2008, but it's an arranged marriage, a lot of pressure is on him, and he doesn't seem to have anything in common with his fiancee. The thing that stood out to me the most is that you don't seem to have any kind of physical attraction to her, you don't seem to like to be near her. You rather prefer to be near your female friends than your own fiancee... basically the same situation as the guy i know. Only when he wants to run away, far away... he runs into the desert.. cause he's from the Middle East and mind you he is from a very liberal city in the Middle East, yet he cannot change things around him. So the ONLY advise i can give you is this: you can either TRY and break off the engagement while you still can OR you can go on with it and TRY to see the glass full, TRY to see the bright side. I am glad you found this website and i hope you found some peace, or some sort of a relieve. Good luck sweetie! -Tamy ^_~
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 It sounds like you are just having the common 'cold feet' before the wedding which is normal for most people, both men and women. The enormity of the committment doesnt normally become real until the date of the wedding is close, at which point people tend to get scared and rightly so - getting married is a big deal and you are right to be scared!
The question here is though, is this just simple cold feet and nerves about the wedding, or do you actually want to be out of this relationship?
Are you happy with your girlfriend? Do you still want to spend the rest of your life with her? Are you certain she is the girl for you? Why did you decide to get married in the first place? What made you want to propose? Why do you love her? What does she do that makes you happy? Are you physically attracted to her?
And then on the other side of the argument - what do these female friends of yours have that your girlfriend doesnt? Are you lacking sex in your current relationship? Is your girlfriend your first serious relationship? Did you ever have chance to be single and have sex with a variety of people before you met her? What scares you about marriage? Why do you feel like you want to run away? Why do you want to be alone? Do you actually want to be alone on a permanent basis? Or do you just need a bit of time out away from the stress? Has the wedding put strain on your relationship? Has it been stressful?
I think if you could provide the answers to those 2 sets of questions I can help you further - unless you give more information on your relationship with your fiancee it is hard to tell if this is just cold feet or something more serious.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 September 2011):
 If there are any doubts, of any kind, people should not marry. Nope, nada, negatory.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): ready to be married? NOT WITH HER YOURE NOT! do the both of you a favor and get out before its too late.
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