A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can’t figure out if he’s giving me mixed messages or if I’m reading too much into things.A couple of years ago I briefly dated this guy before he called it off as he just wasn’t feeling it which confused me at the time as he’d seemed really keen but I accepted it and moved on. We’ve not seen one another from then until about 3 months ago when my neighbours needed some work doing on their house and he happened to work for the company doing the work.I expected things to be awkward when we saw each other but they weren’t, far from it. He was chatty and friendly which was great. A few days later we saw each other again as I was leaving my house and he was stood outside with my neighbour. He made a point of saying hi and asking about my day. I thought he’d come across quite charming which was later backed up by my neighbour who asked me how I knew him as in her words ‘he couldn’t wait to rush over and flirt with you’ The work on their house lasted a couple of weeks and we spoke a few times during this time, every time he was very friendly, asking me about my day, my plans for the weekend etc etc and without doubt was very flirty. On one occasion when we were stood laughing together about something one of the lads working with him even shouted ‘can you two just hurry up and arrange a date already!!’ About a week before the work finished he commented on something on the outside of my house that I know needs sorting and offered to come and do the work. I said I didn’t have his number any more to get in touch and he gave me a number. On calling I realised he’d given me his colleagues number, not his. I made my excuses not to book the work as I was a bit confused as to why he’d give me his colleagues number when I was pretty convinced that the only reason he’d talked to me about doing it was for an excuse to exchange numbers. Last week by sheer coincidence I saw him in the supermarket, he came over and chatted. About 10 minutes into the conversation he said he was having a bit of trouble with his car and could my brother (who he knows is a mechanic) possibly give him a second opinion on it as he had someone look at it but it still wasn’t running right. I said well I can ask him but I don’t have your number or any way of getting in touch with you to let you know what he says? He replied that’s ok, I’m sure I’ll see you round again soon. Like what the hell!!! He’s asking for my help with something when I’m sure there must be loads of other mechanics around who could help him yet very obviously does not want me to have his number. I don’t understand him at all. He’s flirted outrageously with me, given me lots of compliments, even made my neighbour who doesn’t know him from Adam think that he’s interested in me, asked for my help with a couple of things and yet clearly doesn’t want me having his number. Am I right to feel confused or have I just totally misread this situation? I don’t know when or even if ill see him again at all which doesn’t bother me in the slightest but has left me wondering if I’ve read the entire situation wrong!
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flirt, mixed messages, my ex, neighbour Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2021): The replies above are correct. He is playing a mean game and isn't being sincere. I know someone very similar. The more you engage with him, the more he will play. His behaviour has already got you asking for help here and he will mentally tie you in knots until you will not know which way to turn. Ignore him; you deserve better!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2021): Come on! He obviously has a wife, or a girlfriend. Meanwhile, he tried to drum-up some business, get free car repairs, and possibly getting some sex on the side.
Sweetheart, don't be so naive! He's using the player's tactic to get your number, but not giving you his. That way, he has an excuse to come to your house, one thing leads to another...and then...
He'll disappear; and the next time you run into him, he'll pretend like nothing ever happened. You'll be confused and perplexed, and feel totally played. The charm is all fake!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 October 2021):
 Stop reading ANYTHING into what this guy says to you. The guy's a player. He's good at putting on an act and dangling a proverbial carrot in front of adoring females like you, then snatching it away as soon as he sees you are falling for the fakery. That's how he gets his kicks. He KNOWS you fall for it and probably has a good snigger to himself later.
He made out he was into you when you dated, only to completely wrong-foot you by suddenly telling you he wasn't. He flirts with you yet refuses to give you his number. It's totally possible (probable even) that he is in a relationship, hence doesn't want to run the risk of you contacting him.
Words are cheap, sweetheart, and completely worthless when not backed up by actions. Never give someone headspace who only offers you empty words.
The main problem here is that you see his flirting as something more than it is - a cheap moral boost, a bit of ego stroking. For your own good, you need to walk away from this situation with your head held high and your dignity intact. Next time you see him, just say "hi" and keep walking. If he tries to engage you in conversation, just politely say you are in a hurry and "so sorry, I haven't got time to chat today". Do this every time you see him. Don't allow yourself to be used in this way.
You deserve better. Stop allowing yourself to be used in this way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 October 2021):
 He has a GF!
He chatted you up, flirted with you, and then GAVE you his coworker's number? Yeah, that is dodgy!
I say, he has a GF because twice he had the chance to give you his number or ask for yours, and HE DIDN'T. Because he doesn't WANT you to call.
Or he was showing off for his coworkers. "Look at how good I am at "charming the ladies"..." Gag.
Honey.... HE was a DUD a couple of years ago and he still IS one!
Next time you meet him say hi and then be TOO busy chatting up. He just wants the EGO rub knowing that you still fancy his. Don't give him that. And STOP wasting your time on a guy who isn't looking to actually get to know you.
Put him out of your mind, he isn't worth your time or effort. Even If he eventually asks you out, he will pull the SAMe stunt he did last time. I am willing to bet.
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