A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 5 years (3 great 2 up and down) is HIV+. I have know this from the start, and accepted it, and we have always practiced safe sex, which lead to there maybe not being as much passion in our sex lives, but I was ok with that and thought he was too.I found out he had been having sex with other guys fairly regularly although we had both committed to a monogamous relationship, we had set up house and made some real big commitments to a life together, so for me it came as a shock. This was compounded when I realized the extent to which he had been dishonest, or deceitful in how he had been going about things. All trust I had was destroyed.When I asked him if he told the guys he was with about his status, and he said no, but that he always practiced safe sex. I know it’s none of my business and there is an ‘everyman for himself’ policy on the scene, but should I just believe what he says?He was infected from casual unprotected sex, so history may suggest that it hasn’t always been the case. Now that the relationship has ended, I have tried to erase him from my past, deleting pictures of us together and generally distancing myself as much as possible with common friends etc.He’s upset by this, but we live in a very connected world and I just don’t want problems he may have caused ruining my reputation. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to distance myself from him?
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female
reader, bongumusa  +, writes (18 January 2012):
Yes bcos the more u stay is the more u get hurt.he can re infect.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (17 October 2010):
 dont spend time with him, you have enough reasons
if he cannot link his behaviour to the outcome of situations then he doesn't have the capacity to learn. steer clear
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback and reassurances, I have been struggling to resolve my feelings on this, I brought it up with my ex, and he made me feel ‘out of touch’ ... this was just the way the scene was.
I have kept the real reason for us splitting (and his status) an absolute secret, as telling my friends and family what has been going on, would just stir things up further, so in a sense I feel culpable for not saying something.
I suppose it should be a lesson that people can be very responsible in their public life and very irresponsible in their private life, but his irresponsibility makes me want nothing more to do with him.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 No, you did the right thing. Cheating shows immense disrespect and integrity but the fact that he went around having sex without informing the partners of his status is apalling-just like you, I wonder if he truly did practice safe sex. His morals are askew and I truly don't think he deserves someone like you. You accepted his condition where many would have refused/rejected him and proved to be a loyal, loving partner. Moving on is never truly easy but don't feel guilty about your decision. It's the only thing you could do. You simply can't stay with a man with so little regard for a committed relationship and the healh/lives of others.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 October 2010):
You were right to do what you did and cut contact. This guy has had no real respect for you, was cheating and lied, and was having sex with other men knowing he had HIV and could have spread it.
Stick to your guns. You've done the right thing. You don't need someone so uncaring and untrustworthy in your life at all.
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