A
male
age
30-35,
*yph
writes:I'm 19, going on 20. I met my boyfriend nearly 4 years ago now, and we've been going out for just over 2 years now. He is 17 going on 18, which made him 15 when we started going out. This being relevant because his family are very homophobic and upon finding out we were seeing each other they reported me to the police claiming I'd raped him into underage sex. There was no truth in this whatsoever (as the police eventually concluded) but this should explain why the relationship between my boyfriend's family and myself is so rock bottom. Anyway, upon my boyfriend turning 16 and the police dropping the case against me, his mother started calling me a paedophile. As a result my boyfriend walked out on her and went to live with his grandparents. This was in August 2008 and he still lives there now. His mother continued to throw poison around, going as far as telling his VERY homophobic grandparents about us in the hope they'd throw him out. She caused him so much stress that one night he collapsed and was rushed into hospital. He consequently told me he needed a month or so to himself. I agreed to this, but here is my problem:I have only seen him twice since.I'm two years into a Psychology degree and he sounds like he's showing all the signs of depression. His grandparents have forbidden all contact with me and as such we're mostly restricted to texts since it's difficult to meet up or phone each other. He's finished school and doesn't have the confidence to find a job, so he's with them in that house all day. Obviously the question here is "Is he worth all the hassle?" and I'm really torn there. I thought that not seeing him for months would help but I still feel exactly the same about him - there's been no moving on at all. In addition, like I mentioned, I think he's suffering from depression. While I can't condone his reluctance to see me much anymore he's always had confidence issues and because of that I kind of feel like now he needs me more than ever? And while this isn't the main reason, it's still there: I do not want that horrible woman to break us up just because she wants to throw a tantrum about it.I guess rather than a specific question I was hoping for advice about where to possibly go from here? Am I clutching at straws or am I right in being loyal? I wouldn't say I'm putting my life on hold for him but I definitely really, really love him. Thanks for your time, I really appreciate it x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): What a sad sitituation. I think if you love him as you say you do it's maybe best that you text him telling him how you feel and that you are worrried for his emotional health. All you can really do is be there for him and if in the meantime you meet someone else then so be it. While he's your everything that is unlikely to happen so being loyal and waiting really shouldn't be an issue in this early stages of not seeing him.
I wish you both well and hope everything ends happily
A
male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (9 July 2009):
It sounds like he would certainly have plenty to be depressed about. You are very committed to him to stand by him despite hardly ever seeing him. If he is almost 18 though couldn't he go out and see you without his grandparents knowing?
It is good to stand by him but you can't stand by him and not see him forever. He is going to have to make some kind of move, and if he is depressed perhaps he should get help for it.
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