A
female
age
36-40,
*ehindThese HazelEyes
writes:Well this is my first post here so I am not sure how I should ask this and I also know peoples opinions differ but what I am wanting to ask is how would I go about asking my bf how he would feel if I said I wanted a baby.....weve only been together 6 months but it feels like weve known each other our whole lives...I love him to death and want to marry him one day...I dont want people saying oh you havent been together long enough, youre just going to scare him away, blah blah blah...just needing some opinions on how I would approach him about it or if I should wait longer...Im 21, been living on my own since i was 18, and Im not trying to toot my own horn as theyd say but I think I am more mature then most 21 year old girls my age because Ive been through so much more then most people my age should even have to go through....emotionally I am ready and I think I am financially stable to be able to support a child because we both work very hard and make decent money....any advice would be appreciated...thank you
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female
reader, BehindThese HazelEyes +, writes (3 August 2009):
BehindThese HazelEyes is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all the advice Ive gotten so far....its given me alot to think about and this has just been something ive been thinking bout...I wouldnt rush into it if i werent ready and actually just today we went and adopted a cat along with already having a dog....btw we do live together already.....and i am going to wait for awhile to make sure this is what i really want...if i could keep getting more advice it would help alot! Thanks again!
A
female
reader, Love is all you need  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 You could tell your boyfriend that you want a baby, but he might not want a baby at this moment in time, he may want some in the future. But just don't get pregnant an announce it he may just run off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): I'll put it like this:
It's 4:45 AM where I live. When is the last time i slept? from about 4 AM to 7:30 AM yesterday. WHY? baby.
~Sy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): I agree with RCN, its a huge committment and you need to make sure its what you really want and that you and your partner and prepared to support your child for the rest of his/her life no matter what the circumstances. I had my children young also, and I encourage young couples to have children if they are stable and emotionally prepared to have a family. I have seen alot of heartache in some of my older friends (40 average) trying to conceive babies, as our bodies are not as finely tuned at this age and things dont happen as easily. I say talk to your partner, and if you are both ready then there is no problem. Its the most wonderful, challenging and rewarding experience becoming a parent, so if you are both mature enough to take on sleepless nights, morning smiles and lots of proud moments, then you are ready..
P.S. Be prepared that this little person will be the boss, you and your partner will be second in line so thats a consideration you need to make. You will both spend so much time giving bub attention, you may lose sight of your relationship which can cause problems, so make sure you are ready for a third member of your family, not a third wheel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): As a fellow 21 year old with baby fever who's been dating her boyfriend for a year and a half and been on her own since 16, I say wait. You have so much more time to have a baby - enjoy being young while you can. Enjoy having the body you do, like that you can travel for cheap, that you don't need to hire a babysitter, you can go into a bar without people raising an eyebrow at you, etc.
I know if I were to have a baby, I would want testing done on both me and my partner to make sure we can't pass on a genetic disease. I would also want to make sure we could agree on a childrearing plan - what religion would we raise our child as? Do we want the baby to be a vegan/vegetarian/organic kid? How involved would grandparents be, would you be a working mother, etc.
I say give it 6 more months and see if you still want a child (if he's on board.) Make sure 100% this is not a phase (as I know it is for me) - once you have this baby it cannot be undone. You can always make one in the future, there's no need to rush.
Personally, I think it's really risky to have a kid with someone you're not at least engaged to or living with. Some questions to ask yourself... are you ok with not smoking/drinking/not doing drugs while pregnant and nursing? If you lose your job, will you still be able to support the baby? If your boyfriend leaves you or something happens to him, will you be able to raise this child on your own? If the child has a major birth defect, are you prepared to handle that? Are you ok with dealing with poop and pee and vomit on a regular basis? Dealing with crying and temper tantrums?
While babies are cute and adorable and all that, enjoy your freedom while you can. Take a vacation together, fix up a nice apartment for the two of you, plan a wedding, foster/adopt an animal, etc.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (2 August 2009):
 I don't see the harm in talking about it and seeing where his head is at. Maybe he sees it down the line, maybe he wants to get married first. Communication is really important in a big decision like this. I also second rcn's suggestion to talk to a financial planner.
You also have to think about what would happen if you broke up. Are you able to financially support this child on your own? Is he the type of man to be involved in his child's life even if he's not with you? Would he be okay with child support? What would happen if you're together but one of you lost your jobs? It's important to consider every angle.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 August 2009):
 "I don't want people saying oh you haven't been together long enough, you're just going to scare him away, blah blah blah.." You many not want included, but in all reality, could still end up being at issue. You're ready, how about him? Is he mature enough. Has this subject about family and kids come up in discussions? I'm not saying your situation is wrong for having a child. Just that these questions need answered before approaching him. Kind of get a grasp of which direction he'd go before asking him. Remember to emphasize that a baby is part of both of you, to share, and made with the love you have for each other. I'd also, maybe talk with a financial planner to assure you're ready financially, and to make plans of how much needs to go where. My first was born, I was 19. I didn't realize how expensive it would be. From birth to 18 it costs approximately $170,000. I have 4, and haven't been able to do a lot of what I want. Now I wouldn't trade my life now for a life without them, but I just wanted to give you a little more to consider. It's a big decision. Follow your heart. You can't go wrong with how you truly feel.
Take care, and I hope this helps you.
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