A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey I'm Todd,I’ve never had any luck with women. Ever since I was a little boy girls never seemed to like me. Many girls seem to give the impression they like my looks although I’ve rarely ever heard anyone say it, besides my mom’s friends. No one seems to like me. I’ve heard a number of different reasons why over the years like, I lack confidence, I’m not assertive, they don’t see me as anything but a friend, the it’s-me-not-you talk, i-don’t-want-to-hurt-your-feelings, nobody-else-is-interested-so-I-don’t-want-you and the silent ewww. All these things did was just rob me of my confidence I learned to stop going after girls because they would only find something hurtful to say to make me even less confident and less willing even when I could swear they like me but it turns out I was wrong. Over the years I stopped finding girls physically attractive, I began looking for girls who could appeal to me mentally but now at 24 girls don’t appeal to me at all. Slowly but surely, the appeal I once had for women evaporated. I can’t think of a good experience I’ve ever had with a girl, my verbally abusive mother included. Only girls who are friends, and make it absolutely clear that they only want to be friends with me I guess I could say I had some good friendships with. There were some who liked me but I didn’t like them back. I thought it was unfair especially at a young age to make myself like someone that I didn’t naturally like back even now. Is that bad?For the last few months, I being to think I might be gay. I’ve had crushes on boys ever since Ii was 11, maybe younger but never acted on them, because you know, society and what-not but I liked girls too but they never seemed to like me, but guys seemed to like me, they always seemed to like me more than a friend based on their mannerisms toward me, even the guys who have swarms of women. Good looking guys, ugly guys, popular guys, cool guys. Guys made me feel good, like I was somewhat worthy. Girls never make me feel good, or attractive or worthy, they just me feel like crap.When I look at a girl now, I feel nothing and sometimes when a girl is around, being a girl, I literally get a headache before an overwhelming wave of exhaustion covers me. I literally feel tired and drained around girls for the past 2, maybe more years. I’m really thinking about embracing a possible gay lifestyle, but I don’t get that sense of happiness and enjoyment when other guys seem to get when they come out or how I see it on TV and such. I’m not really sure if this is how Ii want to live.I’ve been hurt by women in more ways than I can count, I just don’t want to be hurt anymore. But foolishly I still put myself out there only to get hurt again even though that appeal to women is gone. I’m confused about my sexuality and want to know if I’m really gay or just feel scarred by women?
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male
reader, DragonMan  +, writes (19 February 2014):
 Greetings,
My friend what people forget is that there are more than just the three sexual orientations (single, gay & bi) there is infact one more type out there, asexuals.
Those are the kinds of people that don't desire sex.
As for your situation I would think you are just unlucky with females, and you aren't the first.
I've been the in the same situation and though I wasn't what people consider ugly or handsome I know that it wasn't my looks that didn't appeal to girls. That didn't make me gay and yes I have gay friends but I learnt from them that during the young ages, you don't know what you want and saying you liked guys from the age of 11 doesn't make you gay or straight or even bi, it just means you are curious.
I would say the best way to find out what sexuality you are is to take some time out and reflect on who you enjoy spending the most time with, who you try to be comfortable around with cuz most of the time that gender is usually the one you desire
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