A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex split up with me just over 3 months ago. I really am missing her dearly. She has made it very clear that we won't get back together, and while I think it is she that is making a big mistake, I feel lousy.These past few months have been very lonesome. I'm now starting to think about going out at night to see if I can start something up with somebody new. The way I see it, my ex-girlfriend has gone through a lot of personal changes over the past space of time, having moved off to university. She's now in a new, exciting place meeting lots of new and interesting people, and has probably already gotten over me, even though we were together for 2 years.Since she is moving on with her life, and (probably) already with somebody new, is starting to make me believe that I'm never going to feel better unless I find somebody else, just to prove to myself that there is life without her, because at this point, it doesn't feel like it.Please tell me what you think. For me, is trying to start a new relationship at this time a good idea?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): I agree with most of the comments here. My wife left me after 11 years of marriage when I was 33. I was very depressed for about 2 months and it took about 3 or 4 months to completely get over her. After the first 2 months I did start to go out with friends, mostly just socializing or dancing. I had my first date after 6 months. It was too early for a serious relationship, but my new gf was too good to let go of her. I dated some others while I was going with her for about 2 to 3 years and she has been my wife for the past 22 years. It was not a good idea to get so serious with the first woman that I dated after a marriage, but she was good enough to allow me to date others. If I had just dated her then I think that the relationship would have been doomed to failure.
Basically, I would advise you to go out and have fun, but don't allow yourself to get serious with anyone until you are completely over your past gf. Also, try not to get too serious with the first person you date, unless you can also date others to find out if you want her because you need the security or you want her because she is something exceptional.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (15 October 2007):
 I agree with baby duck. You are not ready. It would be a rebound. Me and my ex have tried this with different people and we split about a similar time ago as you. We are still good mates though and can talk about things, and we both know we aren't ready so have put a stop to our own 'relationships' we got into..
Nothing to stop you going out having fun though! Thats all good.
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (15 October 2007):
You should be thinking about finding a new gf. After you find a new gf you should be thing about the new gf.
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A
female
reader, sweetnsoursauce +, writes (15 October 2007):
 I wouldn't start dating quite yet. Definitely go out and have fun often though, it will make you feel better. Don't start dating again until you can honestly say you are over your ex and ready to move on, though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): I'm currently in the same situation myself. My boyfriend started Uni and everything changed, he'd say me he was too busy to see me (whilst I knew he had time to go out with a his new friends every week, not that I begrudged him that though) and ended things by telling me I'm exciting enough for him after I gave him chose to give him some space to concentrate on his Uni work and is social life. By all means go out and have fun, meet new people. It doesn't mean that you have to start actively dating, but surrounding yourself with new people, quite possibly people who appreciate you more than she did! Give youself some time to heal, 3 months is only a very short time frame, especially after 2 years. Entering a relationship with someone new now isn't going to be a healthy one considering you're feeling this way about your Ex. Someone once told me that if we should expereince everything in life at least once, then you haven't lived until someone has ripped your heart and trampled all over it!
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