A
female
age
30-35,
*edRuby
writes:Hello,I am trying to figure this person out and hoping to get some advice. I am in a Friends with benefits relationship . I am with man who I am getting the most weirdest signals, we started dating in July and usually back than it was just the sex, which is fine with me. Fast forward 5/6 months we still text and keep In touch but now he talk to me more and ask about my family, how I am doing. When I’m having a bad day he want me to tell him instead of brushing it of. He is telling kind of what’s do ect.. Today I told him I Really Really like him, he asked me why do I like him? I was confused by the question but I express my feeling s as to why I like him.. I am wondering why did he ask that question? And is he looking for more ? Or I am reading to much in to this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2019): Ask. No other advice will be correct, just a bonus.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 January 2019):
 Based on what we read on DC, lots of ladies must have very low expectations when it comes to FWB. " We are FWB but he wished me Merry Xmas ! Does he want more ? " " We are FWB, but he bought me an ice cream cone ! Does he want more ? " and so on.
Why people think that an FWB relationship must mandatorily exclude any moment of kindness, tenderness, camaraderie etc.,- it beats me. It 's Friends with Benefits, not Enemies with Benefits, so it's normal that your FWB partner behaves … friendly - with a modicum of affection and human interest, as a friend would do. If he does not do even that- then is not even FWB, it's just a succession of booty calls !
Look, the uncomfortable truth is that when you start an FWB you are ALREADY playing with a rigged deck. You have already been pegged, consciously or less consciously, as
" not fit for anything more ". Like,you may even tick many boxes, hence your desirability and not strictly in sexual terms - but somehow you miss the really important
( for him ) ones.
" She is great but not the kind of girl you bring home to Mom " " She is cool but I 'd want more of a looker " " She is nice, but what I really want is someone more extrovert " Or LESS extrovert. More religious- or LESS religious. Taller, shorter; richer, poorer;younger,older;louder,quieter… the list can go on forever. But you can bet that he already has a mental image of what his ideal woman would be, or at least the woman who could make him wish to commit in a serious relationship, and that she has something that you don't have , whether it be a DD bra size, or a degree from MIT. Something , as irrational or superficial as it may be, that makes him see you as fuckable but not dateable
( and even less marriable ).
Why ?... Well, isn't it obvious ? Because if beside sex- appeal, you also had what it takes ( in his mind ) to be
" the one "- you'd be the one without buts and ifs, and in a very short time. An FWB agreement excludes monogamy , committment and plans for a common future; I don't know many men, so " enlightened ", and so brave, to let you loose , committment free, free to pick and choose among his rivals . If they feel they happened onto something really good- they will at least try to seal the deal, i.e.to date you officially - and often right off the bat.
If they can be so nonchalant about losing you - well, it means they KNOW they can easily afford to lose you, hence the FWB arrangement.
I realize that maybe I am making it sound in a sexist, old-fashioned way, with the poor clueless, clingy girl pining for a relationship, and therefore easy victim of slick , callous " players ". That's not what I meant, I realize that the scene has changed and there are lots of girls and women now who like living single, don't feel that being half of a couple is the be-all and end-all of life, and just want , at least at the time, to experiment and to have fun. So it is quite possible to have a scenario where it is the girl who just wants to have casual sex with no further committment. What I am trying to say , though, is that based on my observations and experience, ( also from DC )at least women are more open to further developments and possibilities. They will start hanging out with somebody , without any special expectations , but then if things should go in a certain way and feelings develop, they are open to take things to the next level and turn them into a love story. While guys, like I said- tend to play with a rigged deck; if they ask you to be FWB, it's exactly because they have already put you into a B-list category , from where there is very, very ,very seldom the possibility to be upgraded to the A -list .
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A
female
reader, RedRuby +, writes (17 January 2019):
RedRuby is verified as being by the original poster of the question I kind of figure my self... all I got from home when I told him I like him is. “Aww thank you baby girl”...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2019): Typo correction:
"Obviously you are; and he didn't confirm he is, when you told him so."
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2019): Didn't you say you were friends? You just described what you get from a friend. You just happen to have sex with your friend.
He asked you why you liked him? That's because the deal is a friends with benefits agreement.
Now you're catching feelings. If you're not on the same page; maybe it's time to get out of it. Go seek a meaningful romantic-relationship with all the trappings.
Don't settle, sweetheart! I think you want and deserve more; but sometimes people agree to these arrangements hoping that over time it will evolve into what they really want. An actual monogamous-relationship between two people in-love.
If he's questioning you; it's because he's putting you on the spot to make you hear yourself. You know you're supposed to be friends; and there was supposed to be sex with no strings attached. Unless sex was added as bait?
You're asking if he's looking for more? Obviously you are; and he didn't confirm he is, when you told him you so.
Time to remove sex from the deal. Strings are attached.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2019): You're not going to like this, but the only correct advice is "ASK HIM". If you can't ask him, you're not matched well enough to be in a relationship or FwB with him. I know it can be a scary thing to ask, but you're not dating if it's just FwB, so you're confusing your terms for what's going on because neither of you have clearly discussed what it is you're doing.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 January 2019):
 A lot of times, men ask to be in FWBs giving the impression that they can pick and choose who's date material, and who's casual material. In fact they don't have the confidence or means to sustain a real relationship. Like money, maturity or patience. So when he asks you why you like him, it's because he doesn't really believe that he's worthy of love. It's possible that you developed a bond with him through sex, not that you actually think a relationship with him is a good idea. I suggest you to not look too much into this. Both of you would have trust issues. He can think something like, if you so easily give in to sex, then you would be the same with many men, so to be in a relationship with you would bring insecurity. That's true on your side too.
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