A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, he is awesome, treats me like a princess, (him and I met in January 2018,) but in early 2017, he started going out and getting to know this other girl which was in his day to day work environment, according to him she was very successful in her management job, so she flirted with him, and with other guys as well, she was very flirtatious in general according to my boyfriend, and it seemed like she liked him.This girl was going through a rough time, her boyfriend had dumped her for another woman, who happened to be none other than back for his ex.So my boyfriend liked her a lot, his feelings were developing rather quickly for this girl, than her feelings for him. So they went out a couple of times, but it didn’t work out, he did not like her way, he said, she was too insecure, indecisive, voluble, I guess that due to the fact that her boyfriend had dumped her for another woman,she was not emotionally well at that particular moment and perhaps was checking for other possible options.He has mentioned her to me a couple of times, but then I got mad, cause why the need to mention her more that twice , so I told him To not mention her anymore, so yeah perfect, until the other day he says: I am very happy with you I am glad god put you in my way, I remember thinking it was this other girl (referring to her of course) honestly it would have never worked with her and I and all her drama, acting like she is the diva with all these men after her, she was a good person, hard worker, great job, but I just did not see her click with me.While he was telling me this his face was like if he was thinking a lot, like lost in the horizon.So now, I happen to have a friend, who knows a guy that does helicopter tours all around where we live, and my friend happens to be this helicopter guy friend, and she showed me pictures of his Instagram, where he shows his helicopter pictures, basically his work, and guess what, this woman that my boyfriend went out with is On some pictures with this guy, and I had obviously seen her pictures before, so I recognized her immediately. And well I explained to my friend that I knew this girl in the picture, cause my boyfriend had gone out with her a couple of times in 2017.So my friend replied:”oh really!!, her name is so and so and that’s his girlfriend since 2017, I was in shock!!! I was like how can this be if she and my bf were getting to know each other by that time!!. Now I understand, why maybe she was not so much into my boyfriend, I believe and have a theory that my boyfriend was a rebound for her, she got playful at the beginning, cause her boyfriend had dumped her, she needed attention plus a shoulder to cry, have a little fun and move on.I would like to tell all of this to my boyfriend just to see how he reacts, if he has had real CLOSURE or not, cause I feel as if he had this woman on a pedestal by the way he has talked to me about her, maybe he just idealized her too much, and since she was (according to him)all the guys eye candy, he got infatuated with her, it’s like all the guys wanted her and he was the one that actually got a chance to go out with her a couple of times, cause some of her coworkers told him she “liked him”, so this is how it all started and then all of his male coworkers got mad at him, cause he was the lucky one.
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co-worker, flirt, his ex, insecure, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2019): Hi, I’m the first anonymous responder.Ever since he brought up that he’s really happy with you and glad that God put you in his way—has he stopped bringing her up? If he’s stopped (bc a year later he REALLY should stop), then leave it alone. I don’t know if he has been or is thinking about you. My point is only that if he has said he wants to be with you AND his actions show that (do you feel loved? Has he stopped mentioning her?) then build something strong going forward. The more time that passes with you letting him leave her behind in his heart and mind, and you letting him grow his love for you, the stronger you two will be. (I assume you love him and want to be with him). I was kinda in a similar situation. Not quite the same. But in my case he had a few months with his ex... now he and I have three years together and we’re married. The way I see it, we have way more meaningful experiences and time together for him to want anything with his ex. If your guy still talks about her a year later, then yeah that’s a bad sign. If he stopped and has said he’s chosen you, then again, let it go and keeping building something strong together going forward.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2019): You are going to come across a bit weird doing that, why would he care now? So he liked her and she chose to date him over a work force of men (I have worked in a male dominated work force and it's the norm to fuss around the rare few women they work with).
I hazard a guess you're the female who has posted on here several times about this 'ex ' of his, again she is NOT an ex and neither of them cared to take it further,move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo you do think he might still think of her, the thing that ever since he talked to me about her in more details for some reason I felt crushed, maybe insecurity.
There can also be a chance that his ego was hurt, cause he thought it could have worked out but didn’t at all. Also he introduced this woman to his mom on the phone and his mom did not like her at all.
What mostly caught my eye out of all of this is the amount of times he has mentioned her to me whether using her as an example of an insecure woman, making a statement etc. He has mentioned other previous exes and even his ex wife, but since this girl was the last girl he almost had something with before me, maybe is more fresh in his head, I really don’t know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2019): You could mention it to him. But you’d be opening a can of worms....
He already decided he wants to be with you. It seems like he gave it a lot of thought (and in my opinion too much thought... meaning he was still thinking about her while dating you....) and you’re right, he might still be thinking about her with feelings now. So mentioning what you learned might set him back a little in the feelings he is developing for you.
So the question I turn back to you is this: do you want to move forward together with him? He’s definitely trying to move forward with you, regardless of whatever thoughts he’s had in his brain about that girl. If yes, you do want to move forward with him, then drop it, and put this woman behind you.
If you don’t want to move forward and you want to drag the BOTH of you back through his past, then ask yourself why you are in this relationship with him and what your end goal is. Sometimes closure isn’t worth it, if it doesn’t help you reach your end goal.
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