A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Quick question:I have been dating my girlfriend for nearly 5 months. I have never been so happy with a woman before and she has told me that in her eyes, it is love at first sight and wants to marry. Here is my problem: her ex boyfriend of several years, and who treated badly, (a common thread in her past relationships) is in another stae, but they communicate by e-mail frequently. Often she initiates the communication. She has only mentioned my name to him once and it was to tell him that I was laid off from work and things were tough. Other than that, she never mentions me, not in things I have done for with her on the weekend, not furture plans and not, for example, ideas that we have had, but rather talks to him as though they were her own. Am I paranoid or is this unusual? I don't understand. I comunicate, infrequently, with my ex-girlfriend who is also in another state, but always share with her how happy I am and how her life is, etc.Please help me with possible reasons why this is. I don't want to draw my own conclusions, but it is suspicious to me, to say the least. I love her. Am I in for a heartbreak, because she has a passion for being treated poorly and I treat her as a person who has unconditional care and love would.Thanks,Paranoid Void
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): Hi
I never tell my ex husband anything unless its to do with our two children. My new relationship is not open for discussion with him and never will be. He was very bad to me, and I was emtionally scarred by him. I would never trust him, and we can never be friends in any capacity because I do not trust him. I never told him I was getting married again (someone else did in passing) as I did not want to rub his face in it and we are just not friends.
I would wonder why they need to keep in touch, I just want to forget my ex altogether.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 September 2007):
 It's not the ex's business. If he was that much of a threat, she really has no reason to contact him either, unless they share children. I don't like my ex's knowing my current relationship. That's for a couple of reasons. They have no business knowing my activities, and I don't want to come across as rubbing my relationship in their faces. Telling her your plans and future plans to some is like saying, look at what he's giving me that apparently you weren't able to do. That can create tension. You need to remember that if he didn't treat her well then, he may not be a nice recipient of the new information.
If they don't have reason to keep contact, I would ask her if it was really that bad, why does she feel as if she needs to stay in touch.
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