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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and our relaistionship has been great. We really care about eachother and have even talked about marriage. Lately, both of us have been really busy finishing graduate school and we hardly see eachother. When we do have time to get together it is great but sometimes he sees his friends(so he sais) more than me. recently i found some text messages from another girl to him. Some were nothing but others were quite sexual. I confronted him about this and he said that it was nothing. I even asked if he wanted to move on and he said no, he loves me. He told me all about her and said that they were just friends. Since then i have heard no mention of her and our relationship has been the same. We have since finished school and actually get to see eachother on weeknds and during the week! He still says i love you to me but sometiems he seems so secretive. He refuses to tell me things sometiems when i ask him. Is he cheeting or am i just paranoid?Please Help!
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 He may nbot be cheating but he's flirting heavily. He really shouldn't have those text messages. That's bad judgment.
A
female
reader, spark1103 +, writes (18 May 2006):
Yes He is making more of an effort with me. He often calls me in the morning before school to say good luck on my tests which i think is sweet! He is also the one who often asks me if i am free on the weekend. As for him being secretive, at times he goes out with his best friend and wont tell me where he is going. I have seen his friend pick him up before so most times I know he is with him. I just wonder what they are doing. He has always been a big kidder and jokes around alot as well so maybe this is just him being him again! Thanks
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (18 May 2006):
 When you say secretive, what do you mean? Hiding where he is going, being vague about people, disappearing suddenly, being uncontable?
The text messages are not a good sign but the fact that there is more of an effort on his part to spend time together, that is a good sign.
I would be cautious but perhaps it is worth giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Perhaps its time both of you had a chat about how the relationship is going, where is it heading etc. Perhaps this will help clarify some feelings and issues and perhaps restore some trust if that has disappeared.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): girl, i dont think that you're paranoid at all. i think you should leave him. its sounds as if he is cheating on you. this girl obviously popped in the picture and thats a big sign! leave him before you catch him with his pants down with this girl and end up really hurt. you know or have an idea what he's up to already. dont live in denial and say that he's not because you're hoping for the best and love him. dont feel guilty for thinkin that he is cheating on you either. he obviously don't care about you if he's texting this other girl, even if he said that he's stopped doing it. dont be fooled! he wants to have his cake and eat it too, you're letting him win in this and are being made a fool of. you should always go with your gut instinct. and dont worry..i understand you love him, but you know, you could leave him and always find another guy just like you found him. a guy who truly loves you and who is a one womans man. its not the end of the world and there are more fish in the sea! oh and have you ever heard that saying "once a cheat always a cheat!" i dont know, for some reason men just cant be with one girl, they always have to go see other women. and its rare the guy that is true and loving to his girl. i hope that you leave him and find someone better. you dont want to waist time or even years on this guy or accendentally have a baby by this loser! because then its going to be so hurtful. i hope that everything turns out good in the end! good luck, you're going to need it!
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A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 Hey there,
If you have no reason to doubt other than these few text message you found, then I think, after 2 strong years together, you should give him the benefit of the doubt.
You say you have been seeing more of each other now you've finished school? So is that to say HE is making more of an effort? Take that as a good thing!
As for him being secretive....what kinds of things does he refuse to tell you?
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