A
male
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*ostandalone
writes:I posted a question a couple of weeks ago about me cheating on my girlfriend of 6-1/2 years and getting her pregnant. Of course we broke up but we still talked, went to movies and held hands as we have always done. She said that she wanted to work it out and we could do whatever it took. She took a trip to Las Vegas and came back totally changed her tune. Why would she give me false hope and why would she change so drastically so quickly? I only cheated for stupid self-esteem issues. She wouldn't have sex with me after 6-1/2 years and I waited. I thought there was something wrong with me. I met this other girl who made me feel like someone special totally neglecting the fact that I had been through so much with my girlfriend. I hate myself for what I did but I cant change it, just learn from it. I just want to know why the change from working it out to just friends. She still calls me and we laugh and talk but she just says she is living her life. What the hell? So she is saying she didn't have a life with me? Anyway help is definitely needed here. I'm just confussed.
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 Lostandalone you need to stand back a bit and look at the situation from her eyes although it does seem she is playing with your feelings, maybe she is teasing you like this to teach you a lesson let you know how it feels to be hurt by the one you love.
She may love you and what she says about loving you and wanting to find herself is probably true she is hurting and needs to get over this before she can re-focus and decide if there is a chance for the two of you to be together and who knows what the future will bring, what I do know is that she is hurting badly and wants to ensure that if you do get back together then you will not hurt her again so understandably she wants space and time away from the pressure you are putting on her by the contact you are having.
back off, re-assure her that you want another chance but that you respect her and love her enought to let her have the thinking and healing time and that you will respect any decision she makes even if it is one that is not in your favour.
What I am worried about is why you went off and slept with someone else in the first place, you said you and your girlfriend did not have sex well what if you got back together would be different second time around, would all the old issues still not be there, have a seriouse think about this.
A
male
reader, Lostandalone +, writes (18 May 2006):
Lostandalone is verified as being by the original poster of the question She told me yesterday that she still loved me and wanted to work it out with me she is just trying to find herself. What self? Who was she for 6 years? I do have contact with the other girl just to make sure she is okay and to see if she needs anything but she knows everything and is fine with it. I will take care of my responsibilites. I do have a grip! I love a woman and made a mistake(the cheating not the baby). I know she needs space but I will give her more than enough. I just hope she can see that we can make this work with a little effort.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (18 May 2006):
Get a grip, she was hurt and confused and did not know what she wanted, she was still in shock and that is why she still gave you hope and tried to keep things as they were before you cheated.
She had a holiday away from you and her surroundings and this gave her time to reflect and it sounds like she worked through all the hurt and anger and came to the conclusion that there is life after you and that the only relationship she wants with you is one of friendship.
You need to accept this and start looking for a relationship elsewere, what about the girl you got pregnant do you not have any relationship with her and are you supporting her?
You really do need to move on, sorry harsh words but that is how I see the situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): It means she needs the space.
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