A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years, and things are lovely. We have a great relationship. In the last 3 years we have moved and changed our circle of friends. My best friend (other than my husband) is a very gay man. There is no attraction other than what is completely platonic between us. He has been in a relationship with his partner for 5 years. We all hang out together and they are really, in my mind, just another couple.About a year ago my gay friend, another girl friend of ours and I had a "girls night" sleepover at my house. It was fun. Nothing weird, totally immature, but totally fine. We watched movies and talked about boys. He was home the whole time and had no issues. Now I'm the one feeling a tiny bit weird. He went out of town this week and my gay buds had a big gathering at their house. I went over, had a great time, was able to drive home, but my friend suggested I stay over. He's been having some issues and we had some "girl talk time". I did stay over and slept on the couch. My friend fell asleep on the living room floor. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, unsavory happened. Is this something I should feel weird about? I mean, in *my* mind my gay friend is essentially another female for all practical purposes. But... I am married. He does technically have male anatomy. I feel weirder about this because there were no other female friends at this sleepover. Am I overstepping where I shouldn't?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): Totally nothing to worry about. Sure, he has male anatomy, but it sounds like that wouldn't matter even if both of you were stuck on a desert island for ten years with no other company. Lots of gay guys really value their 'girl talk' time with female friends. We can talk freely and openly about men and sex in a way that's just not possible with other gay men (stuff gets in the way!) or straight men (who don't want to know!) Girls usually have superior intuition and better insight into relationship issues than men do, and they're so understanding of our feelings because at the end of the day, we're both attracted to men and know what the other is going through, and can help and talk and listen to one another. That's not being unfaithful. You're happily married to your husband and you say it's lovely. If there's no attraction to your gay mate, then there's no issue. Even if you were, I think it's normal and kinda cute for gay guys and their female friends to feel some slight tinge of attraction, or find one another enchanting or sexually appealing in some way that's hard to explain but would never physically go beyond a certain point. He has the hots for men, and you're a woman very much in love with your husband, so it's not as if anything sexual is likely to happen between you. I have no idea why you feel guilty! Best of luck xx
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (28 June 2009):
 You are only overstepping in your mind. If it is as you say purely platonic then you have no worries. This friend of yours is probably feeling very fortunate to have a great friend like you. Not very many people would be as open as you've been. Go ahead and talk to your husband openly and try not to feel guilty.
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A
male
reader, citic101  +, writes (28 June 2009):
 Hes gay and your his friend and you stayed over one night ? cant see any problems there . Dont look for problems when there arnt any. Have a nice sunday
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A
female
reader, midgen  +, writes (28 June 2009):
So, why do you feel weird? This gay man is basically one of your girlfriends is he not? And he looks to you that way too. there's nothing to feel weird about. especially when your partner doesn't care at all.
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