A
female
age
30-35,
*TotallyInLove-
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for 7 months and well it has so far been great! im 17 now, but when i was 11 i was raped twice by the same guy. this horrified me, and i havnt told anyone since! apart from my boyfriend, i didnt want to be rushed into sex, which is why, 6 months into the relationship i felt i loved him enough to tell him! he understood and didnt rush me into anything! well.. thats what i thought anyway, im guessin 20 year old guys just have one thing on their mind! we went to see harry potter last night, and on the way out of the cinema (it was about 11 o clock, and we were walking through this ginnal thing) he began to kiss me, he put me against this wall and started touching me. i think i began to like it. but then he started to take off my clothes! and i sort of moved to the side and backed away from him. he yelled at me and said really hurtful things, he told me i was giving him the wrong signals, which maybe i was? but i said i wasnt ready to go all the way with him, im not and i know im not! but he called me a waste of space and said 'you were raped for fucks sake, it happens to thousands of people, get over your self!' and he walked off and left me. i stood crying, then i felt like a dick so i began to walk home (which is 40 minutes away) i got home and mum yelled at me too, for been home at gone midnight, alone! so i went to my room and i just cried, i felt so sorry for myself! which was wrong i know.I text him this morning telling him 'sorry, but if im as pathetic as you make out for not jumping straight into bed with you, then thats your problem, but i have more respect for myself! what happened to me has belive it or not, affected me just a tad! now have a nice life dickhead x' but ever since i sent it, ive regretted it big time! should i have finished with him like that? was i stupid to react like i did? am i really been pathetic, not sleepin with my boyfriend because of what happened? all these questions are going round and round my hear! did i take it to heart or take it a different way to what it was meant? please can somebody make some sence of this? xx
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (18 July 2009):
 NO, YOU WERE NOT STUPID IN THE LEAST. He needs a clue for real. What he said was extremely dismissive and minimizing. His selfish ass needs a date with a clue. Rape isn't like getting your bike stolen! You're better off without that loser.
However, if you feel that you'd like to move forward and that you'd like to make a change for your future relationships, it would be good for you to talk to a therapist. Rape can have long lasting effects that can make you hurt and afraid for a very long time. Sometimes you don't even realize you have a problem until you start talking about it. It's up to you though.
*hug* Good luck, I'm sorry you ran into such a doofus.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): you were definately right to break up with him. there is no excuse for someone saying those things to you. he's a complete waste of your time! move on and just feel sorry for the next girl unlucky enough to go out with him.
you're definately not pathetic for not sleeping with him! you have to be ready ESPECIALLY since you've had such a terrible experience. you'll find someone better and don't settle for some jerk like him
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A
male
reader, wherestheinstructions? +, writes (17 July 2009):
HE kissed you, HE put you against the wall, and HE touched you. I don't see where he got the "wrong signals" from, and besides, there is NO signal that says "rape me" - and although he didn't go all the way, what he did is sexual assault because he forced you into a uncomfortable sexual situation that you did not ask for.
You've done nothing wrong, DON'T see him again, and if you can get access to confidential counselling service for women, then go and talk to someone. This might be through your school, workplace, GP, or look in the phone book for Rape Crisis helplines.
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A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (17 July 2009):
 The only 'dick' in this story is your boyfriend who was completely disrespectful to you.
As the previous answer says, he's a jerk-have nothing more to do with him-when you're ready, you'll find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. You may not think that now, but trust me, you will.
Just don't put up with this idiots crap!
There are many support groups available to help you over the terrible thing that happened to you. Perhaps discussing the situation with others will help.
I truly hope so.
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A
female
reader, TheAgonyAunt +, writes (17 July 2009):
 You definatly did not overreact, if he knows youve been raped then he should respect you and wait for you to tell him when your ready to do anything sexual.
Maybe he was embarressed that you turned him down but he still shouldn't have said those hurtful things to you.
Being raped is a big deal, its traumatic and takes alot of time to try and forget about it.
I'd say your better off without him.
You deserve someone better that will respect you and love you enough to wait.
Hope my advice helped.
:)
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (17 July 2009):
 I don't think you over-reacted at all! What he said to you was incredibly hurtful and uncaring. And i'm sorry that you were raped - it is something that never really goes away, so I don't blame you whatsoever how you reacted: you weren't ready and you did the right thing. Forget this jerk.
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