A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right so Agony people.I need some help. A few months ago I moved into a house with some friends for college. A tiff occured between me and two of my housemates. They claimed I said something bad which I didn't. Anyways I fel out with one of them but it wasn't like all hell broke loose I just couldn't look at one of them because I had lost total respect for them. Anyways another housemate took her side and he started bitching about me with her to our group of friends and soon all my friends told me the incident was my fault and that I should apologise to the two even though I did nothing wrong. The lies they told mabout me were crazy and hurtful. My group of friends then claimed that I had put them in a situation after explaining to them that this thing was ONLY between me and this other person and that they should not be affected by the others. I know they were affected and I apologised after the incident but that didn't seem to matter. This problem has gone on for months. Some of my other friends then gave out to me saying that I was putting other people first and neglecting them even though I was dealing with a huge workload at college. I always try to get people involved and do stuff together. I haven't spoken to them very much since and now I'm wondering what to do. Clearly they listened to the lies about me and didn't have my back but I dont want to end things this way.
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 So it's like they all turned on you just like that. They picked their side and now I think its time for you to accept that these people that you called your friends aren't really your friends if they won't listen to your side of the story. Perhaps its time to move out, find new friends and just focus on the most important thing here which is your studies. These childish problems should be treated as they are. It's a dumb situation which everyone let escalate to the point of no return. I say, apologize for whatever part you had in it and move on and move out. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2014): What do you mean you don't want to end things like this?
You don't seem to be making any headway with apologies or explanations. Your so-called friends/housemates have all turned on you. Maybe they all just don't like you. Now you're caught-up in trying to fit into their clique. Doesn't this foolishness remind you of high school?
There are always two-sides to any story. If they don't want to hear both; then they aren't your friends. They just tolerated having you around. The other person must have had more compelling proof to sway their opinions.
You may as well start looking for another place to live, and find new hangouts. You have to "clean house," and stop begging for validation and approval. They've tried and convicted you, and ignore your apologies. They're done with you. So you have no choice, but to pack-up and move on.
You're way too concerned about what people are "saying" about you. Well, once rumors are out, they just keep going. You can't live stifled by people's gossip and unjust treatment. You remove yourself from the situation. Even it comes as an inconvenience. You can't thrive in such an environment and keep up your grades. You'll stress-out.
This is all a part of life. You learn to deal with it. This is just a trial in interpersonal-skills, and problem solving.
Go to each one individually. Tell them you tried to mend things and no one cares to support you. Tell them the only thing you're sorry for now, is that you now know they were not your friends when you needed them most.
Move-out, and find yourself a new group of friends. Concentrate on your studies. You aren't in college to study tedium, treachery, and bullsh*t. Somebody has to be mature. Let it be you.
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