A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It was in July this year that I first found out that my boyfriend has been watching pictures of naked women on the internet. I was looking for a web page I couldn't find but had visited before so I tried to look for it in his browsing history. When I was looking for the page I suddenly came across that he had been searching Google for "asian pussies", as well as browsed some internet galleries looking at pictures of naked women. This had happened while I was abroad for three months. I obviously felt really upset because I didn't expect to see anything like that. Before I went overseas he purposefully took nude photos of me, telling me he'd wank over them while I was away. That's why I felt particularly offended. I didn't tell my boyfriend about my discovery because I didn't want him to accuse me of spying on him (which I didn't do). I then sort of forgave him, although I kept wondering if he'd been looking at such material now that I was back. On Saturday night when he was out I checked his browsing history, and found out that about a month earlier he had been typed "peek a boo panties" in google. I saw the pictures and they pretty much had women spreading their legs and showing off their privates. My boyfriend had been looking at these pictures at 11 pm on a Monday night when I had already fallen asleep. I seriously don't get him. We have sex several times a week, he tells me how attractive he finds me and we're really close. I'm now really upset, and I feel inferior and used and that I'm not enough for him. Am I just overreacting or do I have the right to confront my boyfriend about this?
View related questions:
the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jeanine72  +, writes (8 November 2010):
First and foremost, you need to know you are not alone. On some level, every woman feels this way. We all want to know why they have to 'look' when they have us, right there, in the flesh. Please know that you are NOT overreacting. If you have posted this question, looking for advice before you confront him, that shows that you want to handle it the right way.
All you can do, is sit down calmly with him. Do it when you two actually have time to talk, versus when you have a schedule to keep. You don't want to hurry a discussion like this. Just be honest and tell him how you feel about it. Do NOT let him make you feel like YOU are the one that is wrong. Also, he will probably use the same line so many other guys use and that is, "If you weren't so insecure, you wouldn't be so upset by this" ... or some version of that. They want you to feel like this is a 'YOU' issue and not a 'them being a jerk', issue. So, be ready for that one.
If he loves you and respects you and your relationship, he will stop. Ultimately, it is a respect issue. If he continues, knowing how it makes you feel, although he may love you, chances are good that the respect is not there. That is when I would say it would be time to start looking for someone new....or be happy on your own. There can not be true love without respect. You deserve true love. I hope he's it for you, but if he's not, you will be okay. Don't ever doubt that.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): This subject is kind of like how lots of men feel about their woman's sexual past. It's something that causes emotional pain for instinctive reasons. Logical reasoning does not help it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Yes, please do speak with him. Im sorry about this as you do have a right to be upset. However, address your issue firmly with him in a healthy manner. I know its tempting to yell but if u wish to resolve youll need a non emotional convo to sort things out. He def should not have done this. Ask him why he did it? If hes satisfied with your sex life? What could be improved? and more important, what would help him to stop looking? Good luck on this.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 You are not the first to be emotionally wounded by something like this. Most wives tell their husbands about what they have found and most husbands tell their wives that they are overreacting. They argue that it is alright because everybody does it. In the end they do noting to heal the wounded soul of their broken wives and it destroys whatever they had together. Let us hope that your boyfriend is not like that.
Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. You may not be married but the same rights still apply. You have a right to tell him that what he is doing is hurting you and if he is a loving boyfriend, he will stop or at least try to stop. You are not wrong to feel this way, whatever happens, do not let him tell you that you are overreacting, do not let him excuse himself because he thinks it is normal and completely fine. I think the best way to handle this is to sit him down and tell him because it is bothering you but do not tackle this aggressively, do not pester him about it. Do it with gentleness and show him that you are hurt by his actions. Good luck.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (8 November 2010):
Confront may be a strong word for it, but in a healthy relationship he should want to know if he is doing things that hurt you or cause you to be insecure of doubtful of him.
So tell him it bothers you. More than likely trying to compromise will only lead you right back here, so figure out what it is you need from him and then let him know you can't emotionally tolerate any less from him.
If he loves you, he will understand.
...............................
|
