A
male
age
30-35,
*aleo21
writes:So here's the setup. I've been with the girl for about a month and a half. We are both 19 and in the same college, and live quite close. She is my first girlfriend, but she has had several boyfriends before me.In the beginning we were quite close. We would hang out nearly every day and frequently do things together. She would frequently stay over at my place and we would sleep together, although we have not yet had sex. About a week ago I told her I loved her, which is true.In the last couple days, though, she has started to withdraw a little bit. Her text messages have been shorter and minimalist, and it's been mainly me initiating them. I haven't seen her for a couple days, so today I asked her through text if everything was okay. She said that she was just stressed about a bunch of things, and rejected my offer to listen to her talk about them. She said that that's what her roommate was for, that they keep each other sane.What bothers me is that she says that she probably won't see me or anyone else at all for a while, or at least until after thanksgiving. I told her that i understand but I really don't. I'm not sure what's going on with her, or if she's really okay. I want to understand and be able to relate, but I definitely can't. I'm not sure what she could be going through that would make her not want to see me. And worst of all I can't tell if there's actually something going on that I should be worried about, like she wants to break up with me but hasn't been able to work up the courage to do it, or if I'm just tripping. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I am afraid that righ now there really is nothing much you can do. If you ask her it may be received as pestering. If you leave it, I suppose you can only take her word for it. How much do you trust this girl? Perhaps she really is stressed and perhaps she does not wish to annoy you with her problems. If all has been going well with your relationship so far, I see no reason why she would wish to end it so suddenly. I think you need to trust her.
I hope that helps.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Hey bud,
First off I'd like to say I made the same mistake as you(described below) not too long ago, so I can relate and help.
Now here's your problem: You're smothering her with too much "love."
From the information you've provided - it seems like you like her way more than she likes you (although she must like you alot or else the relationship would have never started)
Girls are hard to please in that if you don't give them enough attention, they might wander away from you - while giving them TOO much attention will make them tired and bored of you. Finding the balance [more towards less attention] in between is key to having a successful relationship.
Your situation at the moment (again im basing off of the information you provided) is oh so delicate: because right now you've already upset the balance by liking her too much, even stating that you love her.
Maybe she's just having a hard time in school, and doesn't want to think about relationship I'm not too sure, but I think the best tip I can give you right now is to give her some space. Don't text her for a few days at the VERY least. Try to see her in school (but don't stalk her) and talk face to face instead of through online / text messages, and try to hang out with more girls and other friends. I'm sure she will be much more interested in a guy that has his own personal social life than a guy that sees nothing but her.
You want her to be slightly jealous of the attention you are NOT giving her, rather than taking for granted of all the attention you are forcing upon her.
I wouldn't see each other every single day because that causes her to get bored of you.
Just remember - in a relationship, the person that loves more will always lose.(thats not telling you not to love, just control yourself or else you'll suffer in the end)
Hope I helped, read what other people say and think carefully about what you should do because right now one wrong move can send your relationship in the gutter.
*[And ultimately in the end if it doesn't work out - just know there are bigger fish in the world. Trust me. I just broke up and I feel all the pain that you will too one day. It hurts alot but you WILL get over it.]*
Jason
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): she does not love you. she was not ready for the 'i love you' message. She has reservations. Back off. Get on with your life. Give her space. Respect her decision. Don't badger her. Don't pressure her. Allow her to reconnect, if she chooses, at her instigation only. And if she does come back take it very slowly. Your intensity so early was a shock to her, and right now she can't handle it.
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A
male
reader, bjo84 +, writes (8 November 2010):
I've been through some similar situations. Unfortunately, they all turned out negatively. I'm sure she is stressed out. But my point is that usually if one is stressed out they turn to their partner to help talk through and alleviate that stress- not run from them. I'm not pyschologist but your situation does have undertones of her not being so sure about you guys. That's not an absolute though. You don't want to smother her but you want to stay supportive the same. Shoot her a text like you usually would, saying you hope shes feeling better today. Or maybe throw a corny joke her way. Anything that you might usually do. Just don't over compensate for her distance with being overbearing. Sure she may be testing you but by remaining yourself and how you always treated her in the first place is what I believe to be the best policy. Good luck man.
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