A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been married for 9 years and we dated for 2. My husband told me that He has a son and they lived together. We got married we came to the United States after 2years we came with his son who was 8yrs when we left Africa. I had 3kids in America. He is a loving father, he loves very much , I m a stay at home mom, but he help me he doesn't complain . He cares. Last week I found out that he has 2other kids with a woman in Africa, they are 16 and 17. And when I confronted him he avoided the discussion and went to bed, I tried to talk to him but he doesn't want to talk about it. All he says is I can do whatever I want. I tried to send him an email telling him how I feel and he ignores it. I m resentful of him and I don't know what to do to save this marriage. Renzi Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 June 2014):
 Before you try to pin him down for a conversation, think about what you want to say to him, and want him to say to you.
How long has he known about these other two kids? What involvement if any if he going to have in their lives? Will he be required to pay retroactive child support? What does all of this mean for you and your children?
It would be nice if he were the kind of man who was willing to have a rational, mature and honest conversation, but clearly he isn't. So it might be best to talk to a close, trusted friend or relative and sort out what you can on your own before confronting him again.
I think women should never be dependant on a man, regardless of wonderful he may be or how great their relationships are. They should always have a back up plan if something goes wrong (he dies, cheats or leaves for someone else). Whatever the outcome, use this time to get your ducks in a row. At the very least it gives you greater security and it gives you something to do instead of sit around worrying and grieving.
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