A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal that I shut out all emotions and don't even care for having a girlfriend? About a year ago this time I was always stressing about finding a girlfriend and wondering why I was alone but something clicked in me this past summer and I really don't even think about it at all. Every time im working or at a social event I don't even care for meeting women. Even when they come up to me or someone introduces me to someone my mind just wonders off thinking about the next project I have going on or just thinking about something completely different. Ive been single and never had a girlfriend which now I don't care but people find me odd that iam this way. I like it though because women I see are just a pain to deal with and I like being alone. I just dont care anymore and though that even though its cool to be this way is it healthy and normal.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 Oh, I don't know if you can blame the girls for your mates not being productive or working hard. I know several men (or rather still boys) who have never had girlfriends, are in their 20's, and haven't achieved much yet either.
Don't be pessimistic. If you want to have love in your life you can have it. You can meet that someone special. And if you work hard and have good work ethics you can achieve much at the same time. Or better yet, meet someone who is also goal oriented and had working.
However, if you don't want this then that is a choice you make. There is love in life for you too, if you want it. If you don't, and turn you back on it... well then that is your choice. If that makes you happier then go for it. But I don't know if that truly will make you happier in the long run. Maybe for now though, and maybe in a few years you will have built up the desire to try dating again. Your choice, just remember... that it is a choice. There is love, if you choose it.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 November 2011):
 hi ,
Any woman ignorant enough to claim that you 'are not good enough' for them has definitely outed herself as NOT worthy of your time and attention.
I cannot imagine what kind of ignorant girl would utter such rubbish.
Be thankful you have not wasted your time with those particular foolish girls.
Besides, some very good looking men, with a lot going for them remain single and career focused.
No harm in that.
Enjoy life in ways that are positive for you.
Best wishes
Abella
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I was just tired of being told by women that I wasn't good enough for them but im glad im past all the heartbreak and now I can focus on making a life for myself. I really hope I don't meet someone because ive seen my male friends and we all started in the film business but since they met there girlfriends, they haven't accomplished anything.
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A
female
reader, mammaboo  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 Its cool that your not bothered rite now .Your own state of mind is telling you that you need to give it a rest and that is good. Good things happen when you are least expecting them. All i would say is keep your heart open which is very different to your head!
Don,t become so hard you need a jack hammer to break through enjoy being single for now. Never say never!!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 November 2011):
Sounds like you have resigned. It is a strategy to prevent yourself from hurt and pain of being single. If you say "I don't want a girlfriend" it doesn't hurt you that you don't have one. But if you said "I want to find a girlfriend" you'd find yourself hurt because you've been spending so much time and energy on finding one, but failed at it, and it hurt you. So rather than going through more pain in the search for one, you have resigned and are now saying "I don't want one anyway!".
The solution; either stay single for the rest of your life and blow off any women who approach you, or; get comfortable being single, but keeping your eyes open to possible relationships. Being single isn't BAD, it doesn't make you a failure, and it doesn't mean no one wants you. I think you have added too many negative emotions to the single-status, which is why you have now resigned. If you instead accept that being single doesn't make you less of a man, or less valued, you can be happy being single while still keeping an eye open in case someone special comes along. Make sure it's someone special too, and not just the first and best that is offered. Just because you've never had a girlfriend before doesn't mean you shouldn't have standards.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 November 2011):
 It's normal not to want a girlfriend. It's also normal to be too interested in other things to deal with girls right now.
However, it is dangerous to cut yourself off from emotions, and harden your heart and put yourself behind a wall. It might feel safer to lock out dangerous emotions and put up walls to protect you from pain. However, walls can start to become permanent, and before you know it, your no longer keeping the world out, but you've trapped yourself in a prison and you can't get out, and nobody can get in to save you.
For now.. have fun, no need to date, and no need for women.. maybe in the future the right girl will change your mind.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (21 November 2011):
Right now you may want to remain single and there is nothing wrong with feeling this way. In fact you may never change your mind about this. And that is OK too.
You may be in the minority. But that does not matter. It takes a whole range of people to make this world work as it should. And single is OK too.
A proportion of people, for their own various reasons, choose this option, to remain single, and not within a relationship of any kind, and never give it a second thought, after making this choice. And remain at peace about their decision for the rest of their lives.
Often they are people who are very comfortable with their own company. Many people would love the peace of being comfortable with their own company, and spending time on their own. Many would not.
And it is even OK if you change your mind later.
Even much later.
Do not ever think you need to explain yourself if anyone questions your decision. It is your decision and it is your decision to make, if that is your choice. And your decision to change your mind too, at some time in the future if your feelings change after you meet a person who really presses all the right buttons surrounding you.
Within your age group there is often a lot of pressure on people to settle down. Sometimes too early, or so it seems, with the benefit of hindsight.
Though in truth your personality is still in the forming stage.
I am glad I married young, but in hindsight I was very young, in the 18-21 age bracket. I would not change it for the world. And I recall years later my lovely mother in law said she looked at us and thought, "they are so young." But we did not feel "so young." We thought we already knew all there was to know. Of course we still had a lot to learn.
Because one grows in wisdom. And time improves us all, as far as wisdom.
Thus now I see no reason to rush.
In fact I do not think it is such a bad thing to take your time.
I am aware of very happy couples where the man was 42 at the time he first married.
And I see nothing wrong with a guy doing some world travel to see the world before settling down. IN a relationship or without ANY domestic relationship in his life.
And one sees so many people whose finances are under extreme pressure.
Yet if a guy has time to get his life in order then by the time he chooses (IF he chooses) to marry, then his finances, hopefully, will be in good order, as should the girl's finances, if she has spent prudently.
Society needs people to have children to continue society.
But there are benefits in staying single and without a partner.
If you live alone you enjoy complete freedom with your living arrangements. The only downside is if you become so set in your ways that others start to find it hard to relate to you, if your choices become particularly idiosyncratic.
Or if no one is there to question the wisdom of choices that might face censure in a relationship.
Of course you can still interact with your own family and enjoy the company of your nephews and nieces, siblings, Aunts, Uncles and parents, while they remain alive. Maybe even great nieces and great nephews if you live to see that. So if you enjoy some connection with family life you will not miss it all, as long as you are not the only child of only children.
And being single and staying single does not preclude a social life.
Even if it is devoid of dating, by choice.
You can become a gym junkie or a workaholic and plan holidays without any need to negotiate with a partner, re where you will visit or not visit. You can stay out late or stay in or not be censured for being unwilling to socialise.
And you get to take responsibility for everything. If your forget to put out the trash you wear the inconvenience for another week.
If you choose to live as a long term single then you need to look after your health, as you will not have a partner to remind you to do so.
Single woman tend to be healthier than woman in a relationship.
But men in a relationship tend to be healthier than single men.
Probably reflecting the many pressures on woman who watch out for everything and live life on the run at times, with work and family to juggle.
Just be aware that some petty people may be jealous of your freedom to act independently. They will not directly tell you that. But when they know you are actively pursuing a hobby they would love to pursue (but they are too busy paying school fees or finding the money for braces) some of their “green jealousy genes” will start to surface. So there are times when you may need to keep quiet about the many benefits you enjoy.
You might say that their feelings are none of your concern. That’s true.
But all people have to get on well with each other, for harmony. And it is never smart to alienate people, and some people are easily stirred up. As a single person who has chosen to embrace a different lifestyle to the norm you might be seen as loveable, interesting and eccentric in one country (England?) whereas a more judgemental society may choose to distrust your motives and cast aspersions on your decision. For examples one only has to look at how an unmarried presidential candidate is viewed in the USA.
More so, if the presidential candidate was a female, unmarried, candidate. Much of society is very judgemental and overly critical of those who swim against the tide. But if you have the strength of character to do things “your way” I have no doubt that you will enjoy the freedom. In time society may become more tolerant.
Enjoy your single lifestyle.
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