A
female
age
30-35,
*low
writes:Hi guys! It's me, again. That boyfriend that I've been talking about? Yeah, we've been together for over a year now, (hurrah, huzzah, love conquers all!) and I couldn't be happier with him.I do have a little problem, though.Recently, my libido has been completely out of whack. As in, there could be one day of the month where I'm really rearing to run into the bedroom with him. It's a little disappointing for me, because for the major duration of our relationship so far- I've kept a very strong sexual connection with him.Now I feel that most days I just want to lay around, I want to watch movies or relax. In the back of my head I know I want to nurture that intimate side of our relationship but in my bones I feel incredibly lethargic. It's like I know I want to do something but the drive just ISN'T there, even when I want it to be. On the flip-side, I could be up late at night and my sex-drive will sky-rocket while my boyfriend is unfortunately asleep. Is this normal? Or is there a way to boost my libido on a day where I want to be particularly intimate? I want to be able to seize every moment of privacy that I can and remind him of how much I love him. I've got the emotional part covered but the physical side is starting to go flaccid (no pun intended). Thank you so much!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 December 2012):
 "And no, I don't expect an orgasm every time we have sex. More often than not I don't have one- which is perfectly okay. I'm more emotional than I am physical and he tends to be the same way. :)"
I wouldn't dismiss this so quickly. You say your libido is dropping off and you don't have orgasms regularly, I'm guessing this is definitely playing a part. It could be the depo, but sooner or later satisfying him physically while you are enjoying his orgasm by proxy will hurt your sex life. Sex is a physical thing on top of an emotional one. As women we're socialized to put a man's wants and needs above our own a lot of the time. It is satisfying watching your partner have pleasure, but you need to be satisfied just as much. Your sex drive is pretty directly connected to your physical pleasure during. It's like it's very satisfying watching people enjoy your cooking, but you need to eat too.
If you need a lot of extra stimulation to orgasm/don't want to ask for tons of oral/fingers, you can always try a vibrator and have him use it on you.
A
female
reader, blow +, writes (17 December 2012):
blow is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh, yes! He's extremely attentive to me when we do have sex. We communicate very well with each other in bed. He never pushes me beyond my limits and is deeply invested in our mutual satisfaction. I do feel loved and I do feel I am important as well as my needs.And no, I don't expect an orgasm every time we have sex. More often than not I don't have one- which is perfectly okay. I'm more emotional than I am physical and he tends to be the same way. :)I have been off of the Depo for a little over two months now, and I'm still having some strange up-and-down side-effects that are bothersome, so I am starting to become convinced that it was my birth-control.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (16 December 2012):
Yes depo can absolutely cause a loss of libido. Every hormonal bc is different so if there was one you tried that didn't give you side-effects, you may want to try going back to it. Or you can also try a non-hormonal one for awhile (like condoms) to see what your libido is without extra hormones.
"I'm extremely open-minded (although I do have limits, I think every woman does), so I do like to enhance our romantic life with something new every now and again when the vanilla sex gets a little dull."
When I mean good sex life I don't mean do you spice it up (90% of the time when people say spice up their sex life they mean doing something for the guy), I mean quality for you. Even if you had missionary sex under the covers every time you had sex but orgasmed every time it would be better quality than one where you're swinging from the ceiling but not finishing a lot of the time. Like when you have sex do you feel your orgasm is as important as his? Is it something you expect will happen just about every single time you have sex?
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A
female
reader, blow +, writes (16 December 2012):
blow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was on a birth control injection called Depo-Provera every three months these past three months- but after several nights of heat flashes, nausea and several other side effects, I decided to discontinue my prescription. I didn't think that a drop in libido would be a side-effect as I've been on bc before and I haven't had a problem with it, but if it's a possibility- because I've stopped taking that method of birth control, is it possible that my libido might come back after the drug dwindles out of my system?
I do still get butterflies, we try to keep things exciting in the bathroom by trying new things, I'm extremely open-minded (although I do have limits, I think every woman does), so I do like to enhance our romantic life with something new every now and again when the vanilla sex gets a little dull.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 December 2012):
Several things.
As someone already mentioned, are you on libido killing meds? Common ones: birth control pills and anti-anxiety or anti-depressants. Those can wreck your libido. The BCPs can even just randomly start doing it after months of not. So you might want to consider trying a new pill if you're on one.
Are you enjoying sex physically? Do you easily orgasm pretty much every time? Easily being a key word there. If not, figure how to make that happen. More oral, you using your fingers, getting a toy, etc...
Do you still have butterflies in your relationship? Or do you sit around watching movies, going to your favorite restaurants, and doing your favorite things? It's really important for your sex life to focus on keeping things exciting in your romantic life as well. You need to be doing lots of new things together that push your boundaries. It can be as simple as trying new restaurants, going to new art museums and exhibits, bike riding to a new place (combining new activities with exercise is a double bonus), etc... Just make sure you're not stuck in a rut. Even if the rut is very comfortable and easy, it can be the death of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Are you on any medications or has there been a change in your routine that is making you tired? Stress in another area of your life? Have you been ill? I am guessing your feelings for him havent deteriorated so i doubt it would be that! Sometimes certain illnesses can cause loss of libido, so although unlikely that you are ill, you have nothing to lose from going to see the nurse. You could also consider going into an adult shop And buying some little pink pills? :-)
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