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*lmino
writes: Is it possible to be too much of a nice guy...(wishy washy)? Could that drive a girl away, even if she says that all her exes were assholes compared to me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): I think there's a balance that needs to be reached in any relationship between "giving" and "restraining generosity". In other words, if you always let a girl have her way, to the point that you continuallu sacrifice your own wants, then you have gone too far on the "giving" side. This will probably irritate you and bore your girlfriend. If, on the other hand, you always want things your way and never dessist in being an asshole to your girl, you've gone too far in "restraining generosity". Most girls won't want anything to fo with you if this is the case.
This being said, there are girls who like more generosity, and some girls who like less (and they are the ones who are more likely to be abbused). The term I have come up with for my own style is "nice-guy with a back-bone". In other words, I treat my women well, but I would never let them walk all over me. It's about respect. I think this is a pretty good balance of both worlds. If you've found yourself in a relationship with a girl who likes you because you're nice, you should probably not change that dramatically. But throw in some "restraining generosity" sometime, and it will improve things for the better.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): to an extent. but like, don't be nice all of the time. but don't be mean either. just be yourself. try to say something sweet every other day, they love that.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): ~SIGH~...this is all too confusing
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): If you ask me, its a very common thing for a girl to say every guy theyve dated was an asshole. But a lot of times they probably werent, and shes just saying they were assholes because they would get in a fight and neither side would budge.
If you think you're being too nice (or wishy washy) to your girlfriend, you probably are. Dont turn into an asshole and always treat her with respect but DONT comprimise yourself because you'll be setting a standard thats difficult to live up to all the time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007):
its variation, if your always the strong type in the relationship change once in a while and she will love it , if your nice all the time act manly and invite her to a movie pick her drink and chose the movie she might not like the movie but the point is she will notice YOU picked it and didnt use the "i dont really mind" or the "what ever you want honey" move
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): Whenever a guy starts trying to please his girlfriend instead of himself, inevitably other guys start calling him p**** whipped. Because in my experiences men are not allowed to need moral support, because that makes him a fag. Trust me, the world wants you to be an island, and when you cannot be, you will be made the fool by those who insisted that you could be.I used to believe in chivalry and courtesy and that woman wanted to find a "nice guy". But you know what? They find you, they f*** you, and then they dump you. Or they dump ON you, and then dump you. Then they will find someone more exciting than you are. How can you explain the 50% divorce rate?You will either continue this pattern of being used and hurt, or you will learn to become the one who hurts. Either way you will be asked to change in a way that destroys the thing you originally wanted to be. And then you will die.Which is why there are so many celibate monks in the world.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Dude, people (guyz) think that if they buy sh*t for woman they will fall deeply inlove with them but in fact it does the complete opposite...If you buy them gifts and sms or phone them daily you WILL chase them away and come across as needy and insecure...Just let them do all the work ^_^
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): i am 23 and went through school chasing 1 girl for 3 years. she went out with some ass holes but always said no to me. i was always nice to her and treated her with respect, for some reason girls dont seem to like nice boys. they are unusual animals!!! I have got a girlfriend now who seems 2 appreciate the way i treat her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): Im no relationship counselor, but Im in a relationship right now that I frequently find myself worrying over. In my case, Im in love with a woman, who isn't used to being unconditionally loved by a man that isn't either a drug addict, abusive, or just irresponsible. I have a future and I want to share it with her. She is a single mother to her 3yr old daughter and she is reluctant to talk to me about her feelings, because she has such a strong sense of indepence, that she feels like she would be acting like a baby if her and I had a "mushy" relationship talk. I hate that. I wish she would drop her guard and realize that she can be any way she wants to with me. Women like this HATE the feeling of being needed. They get enough of that with their kid(s). Let them know that you WANT them. You don't NEED them.
Anyways,
The only thing one can do in this situation is to maintain a solid respect for your own individuality. It was your individuality, looks, and attitude that she was drawn to. Don't lose sight of your own needs, interests, and goals. A man who can do this, will always keep his girlfriend on her toes. It's not a game. There are real thoughts and feelings that are being effected here. Spend some time apart (not long) and see how she reacts when she sees you again. Don't blow the relationship by spending too much time and energy trying to anylize and evaluate her actions. Try not to take things personally, or at least don't let her know that you do. Never be affraid to sit her down and talk about your relationship. If you are willing to put yourself through the strains of worrying about how she feels, then you have earned the right for her to let you talk. And, through that process (be nice, think it all through first) you will gather some insight on how she is feeling whether she tells you or not. Also, if you feel like she is sneaking, or holding feelings from you, then just ignore it. She WILL notice that, and she will be more apt to speak her mind.
Take it easy. Be receptive, but not in her face all the time. Always make sure you make her feel as good as she can feel in bed. I don't care if your jaw is locking up and you can't breath. Don't stop until she tells you to.
Hope this helps. It helped me just writing it.
Sincerely,
Clint Parker
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): I going through the exact same thing at the moment. How long have you been together with her?
I see my girlfriend as a princess. I love to serve her but I'm the dominant one in the bedroom so it helps to balance my wishy washyness in everyday life.
Im sure that as long as you don't do thinks like,if she says "what do you want to drink." So you say "whatever your having my love."
If its that bad your up shit creek mate and she will dump you after a year.
If it's not that bad then you will be together for a long time. good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): Hey My girl told me the same thing.....I honestly didn understand at first. B4 i went out with her i was Tough and played hard..but after i was so cought up with her that i just did everything she wanted and stuff like that. she broke up with me bacause of it.....I find some of these answers helpfull and give me a better understanding of how she felt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): I agree with don. Ive always been a very strong guy. Very independant, tough skinned. I met my last girlfriend and I found myself so in love with her that i just wanted what she did. I changed my character. After a year and a bit I became tired of it and found myself completely changed, and so close to being who i originally was. I will never let somebody change my character again. I even became bitter with her. It is not worth it to change yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): I agree with communicatrix I think there is confusion about the word "nice"
A lot of so-called "nice" guys are also needy, insecure and without strength of character and identity. These people would probably call themselves "too nice". In actuality they are more like lap-dogs who do anything to please at the expense of their own needs and wants. I think girls generally find this a turn-off. A girl wants "niceness" but also wants a strength of character, confidence and a sense of humour, amongst other things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): that's a great question, something ive wanted to know for many years...
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2006): i highly doubt it cus my gf says i am too good to be true but she loves that about me.just be yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006): if shes dated assholes in the past, these acts of kindness could become too overwhelming for her and may be more stressful than helpful. dont forget to show her that your still a man and can provide/protect her. hope that your what she needs right now and dont change yourself for others.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2005): A self assured, fun loving man with well thought out educated opinions, great sense of humor, authentic character, flexible to new ideas, and is genuinely caring is a big turn on.
Nice could mean many things but unfortunately it often means a man who can not assert himself and ask for what he wants or get his needs met. Often the "nice" guys turn into a middle age angry guy with a chip on their shoulder who hates/blames his wife who he sees as a tyrant.
A man needs to be able to say what he thinks and take the heat. People pleasing is only good for lap dogs. Learn to be assertive and participate in life that will turn all the girls on.
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (17 December 2005):
 I think the "nice guy" thing is a misnomer. Instead of thinking "too nice", try substituting "too needy" or "too desperate". Strength of character--a strong, unwavering sense of beliefs and the ability to follow through on those, regardless of what the rest of the world (or the love object) thinks, is powerfully attractive. While it's true that some women, for whatever reason, love that element of danger or mystery, most of us want someone who is strong in himself.
In other words, "wishy-washy" and "nice" are two entirely different things. "Wishy-washy" equals lack of character; "nice" (kind of an imprecise word, when you think about it) is what we all should be to one another: courteous and respectful and kind.
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reader, Peter +, writes (17 December 2005):
I think being kind and generous is great, but don't forget to be sexy and romantic from time to time!
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reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (17 December 2005):
 Yes it is
It depends a fair bit on your girlfriend (who you gave no description of which is a pity)
In general though, women may ‘say’ they like nice guys, but what they usually really want are bad boys, or Men, or guys who are some kind of challenge,
If you are too much of a nice guy, she will probably learn or think that every one walks all over you and wont find this sexy. If she stops finding you sexy, you are on the way out.
It wont necessarily drive her away, she will probably walk away herself.
Advice? Stop being wishy washy and start being a man and being firm.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 December 2005):
 As long a you are sincere there is no way you can be too nice. Wishy washy means somthing entirely different. You sound like any woman's dream. I hope she appreciates the goldmine she's found!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2005): I am a girl who has been known to date the assholes you refer to, and i think sometimes men can be too nice but i think this isn't a bad thing its just it takes some getting used to for us girls and i think sometimes we might think that we don't deserve a nice man. Percevere with your gf but don't let her walk all over you, which again can happen with the nice ones, make a stand once in a while, that is maybe all that is lacking for her. Hope it all works out for you.
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reader, kellyO  +, writes (17 December 2005):
 Hi there, being yourself is always the best in a relationship. if u r a nice guy all the better. u must understand that if ur gf is used to being with "assholes" as u termed them she could feel u r too good to be real. the best thing to do is reach out to her, sit her down and talk to her. perhaps she could tell u ways to make the relationship better for her and in general for two of u. dont think u can figure this out yourself get her involved. take care dear and best of luck.
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reader, don +, writes (17 December 2005):
hi and gl with your lady.seems some women look for assholes-a bad boy. all you can do is be yourself-and hope she sees the good in you as refreshing -women can get tired of the same types all the time when they don't work out,esp after they mature some& you may be what she needs. if not-don't try to be something you're not.eventually either you will get tired of it -or she'll see thru it. again GL. don
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