A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I hope you're doing well today. I met someone new and so did his sibling. He is 30, sibling is 28. It's been on 4 occasions that their parents cater to the sibling's new paramour in my opinion. They initiate conversation with them more than me. I try to get in the conversation but it ends up being awkward. I'm also worried I come off as snobby for staying quiet for long periods or making a work excuse to leave early twice. Any suggestions please? I'd like to start off the right foot.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2017):
 You just need to try and get involved but also not over do it. Remember it is not a competition between you and the other girl, and maybe the other girl has just clicked with them more, there is nothing wrong with that. Ask your boyfriend for a few starting points that he feels the will be interested in. Maybe invite them to a home cooked meal then the other girl wont be there.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (6 September 2017):
You will not look snobbish If you are quiet but listen and appear as though you are attentive and interested in their conversation.
Don't try to make conversation just for the sake of participation. It will likely seem forced, insincere and lacking in intelligence.
If you are not confident about what you can add to the conversation but still feel the need to speak, you are better off asking questions than making statements.
Have you discussed this with your new friend? Perhaps he finds it boring and would just as soon leave early, too. Or maybe he has suggestions. Maybe he could direct the conversation toward something that you are passionate about. But you run a risk when you give excuses to leave early, especially on a repeated basis. Whether your excuses are valid or not, people will often take some offense at this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2017): I think if you relax as Honeypie suggests, that's the first step.
Some personalities are easier to warm-up to. Just as you may find them hard to connect with; they may feel the same about you. Everyone has a different approach and a different vibe.
Being sincere and genuine is all you can do. Be consistent, and show confidence. They may like the other sibling's love-interest; because he or she made a better first impression.
Bubbly or outgoing people can quickly captivate a group of people. Some have the gift, and some don't.
I wouldn't go out of my way trying to make up for the past. Just offer them a nice bottle of wine, or bring something nice for the hosts. Making abrupt excuses to suddenly leave is transparent and rude. People see through it, and can tell by your social-awkwardness the minute you entered the room.
Sitting quietly can just be taken as shy, but after coming several times. Remaining quiet or subdued makes the hosts feel you're not happy to be there. Your discomfort becomes insulting to people who want you to feel at home.
My advice. Let them warm-up to you at their own pace. Be charming and pleasant; even if you have very little to say. At the end of the meal; offer to help cleanup. Bring special pastries from a fancy bakery for desert. Bake a pie, if you're a good cook. Warm gestures go a long way!
Anything you do that is totally off-character will be embarrassingly obvious; and might look forced or contrived. People get used to your presence and will like you; if you're generally a nice person. Creating a character they might like looks phony. You'll get tired of putting on a dog and pony show, and will hate coming over.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 September 2017):
 Relax.
You make getting to know your partner's parents into a competition between you and the siblings new partner. It's not. Some people converse easily with new people, others don't.
So don't try and be someone you are not.
I would avoid budding into conversations, for starters. Just look like you are listening and smile, laugh (or whatever is appropriate for the story).
Trying too hard can come across as fake more than snobby.
And taking a "backseat" in a conversation is fine.
Just relax and be you. If the subject is something you know a lot about then find a nice way to share, if not, just listen.
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