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Am I just his 'secret' friend...what's going on with this guy?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 January 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 4 February 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

theres this guy at school who already has a girlfriend and i think he fancies me. we met in the beginning of the school year in my science classes. we were forced to sit together so we got talking, music, likes, hobbies ect. small talk really. and we've had loads in common so we got along fine. recently though we've been having more intimate conversations on msn, in my opinion it's just harmless fun there aren't many of my guy friends i don't do it with, but i think he see's it as a little more than harmless banter. whenever his girlfriend leaves he goes to talk to me or looks at me in a strange way, but as soon as his girlfriend comes back he moves away from me and scarcely says a word to me. i know his girlfriend doesn't like me but she also doesn't like a few of the other girls he talks to while she's around. there have been rumours that he's cheating on her with me and that we make a cute couple, we should go out, he fancies me ect. but i purely see him as a friend.

i really want to know whats going on as it's really getting on my nerves the fact that i'm basically his secret friend. can any of you shed any light on the matter?

thanks :) anon

View related questions: has a girlfriend, msn

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A female reader, curious0hot United States +, writes (4 February 2010):

curious0hot agony auntYou should tell him, privately, that you see him as a friend. But, his behavior is bothering you, and that you won't put up with it anymore.

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A female reader, browneyes_16 Philippines +, writes (4 February 2010):

hi anon...I've read your question & somehow i can relate to you...in a woman's point of view, especially i am the 'girlfriend' of your so called 'male friend'..of course i'll be bothered because why is he acting in different ways to mention when his gf isn't around & when the gf is around...are you inlove with your friend? uhm sorry to say this, but maybe, u fancy him more than he fancies you...because the fact that it's getting into your nerves, as what you have written in your column, it affects you more than him...

think about it though...friends are friends no matter what but IF you accidentally put a different kind of emotion, the whole concept of being friends changes...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

update: he's now looking at me while his girlfriends there actually sat on his lap. i really think that he's using me as a back up incase his current ends badly

i don't mean intimate like phone sex intimate, just fooling around, just taking the mick out of when real couples do it, i know it's quite unfair really but it's only harmless (it's purely on my terms so i decide when we stop it, i refuse to be pressured into anything at all) and in answer to the first reply he talks to other girls while his girlfriends around (even though i can see she doesn't like it) including those she doens't get on with, so i don't quite understand why it's just me he doesn't talk to when she's around. and i don't want to stereotype him as some hormone crazed rabbit(even though he probably is) i didn't speak to him today in lessons and he was trying to talk to me the entire lesson, which when i'm trying to do my work was extraordinarily annoying

anyway thanks for both your advice :)

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A female reader, curious0hot United States +, writes (31 January 2010):

curious0hot agony auntIntimate conversations at 13-15? I hope I'm just misunderstanding...

I think that you should leave him alone. He has a girlfriend, but seems to want to keep you as an option on the side. Your feelings are fine, because you only see him as a friend. But, you don't want to have a bad reputation.

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A male reader, camrcam2 United States +, writes (31 January 2010):

camrcam2 agony auntyeah i can,i see where your coming from with this but I'll tell you this, if hes a good person and seems to be like a person who dosnt like hurting others then i dont think he is into you in that respect. i know when my gf isnt around i talk to my female friends, but when she comes back i dont unless they do because shes really jelous. On the other hand if hes not that kinda person i think hes doing just what you think.coming from me i can look from his respective as another guy and say honestly where only being 'freidly' with girls because we just wanna get in their pants. dont blame all guys of this. its only because of all the dang hormones at our age. hope this helps.:-p

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