A
female
age
36-40,
*in_and_tonic17
writes:dear agony aunts, My boyfriend and i have been together for 2 and a half years and have a 3 month old baby together, however. We have recently been having problems because my partner is depressed because of things he has on his mind. He gets angry or emotional when he has a drink and at weekend he split up with me for no apparent reason and we had a massive argument where he pinned me against the car by my throat and started punching the windows when my baby was inside. I really love him and understand that he needs help and i dont want to end it but i just cant take his irresponsable behavior anymore. please help!
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female
reader, cd206 +, writes (1 April 2007):
 I think you're right to be putting your and your baby's safety first. I also think you're right to want to save the relationship for your baby's sake. I'm just not sure right now if you can do both those things simultaneously. Have you spoken to him about seeing someone about his depression? If he refuses to you need to go somewhere where you and your baby will be safe and refuse to return until he deals with his problems. It's very noble to try and save your relationship but not at the sake of something so much more important.
CD
A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (1 April 2007):
 Firstly depression is a serious illness and he needs to get for it, NOW!
Secondly, whilst he is in this state of mind, with or without a drink in him, do you really want him around your child? I'd think not!
If he is depressed because of things he has on his mind, the chances are that these things will be sorted out at some point, so its not clinical depression, which is good.
If you love him, and you have a strong relationship, then a little "time out" wouldnt go amiss! He perhaps needs a little time to reflect on things he has on his mind, and sort them out, and also reflect on how he has treated you and the possible danger there was, him banging on the car window when it could have smashed into the car harming your child.
You should perhaps ask him to stay elsewhere/or you move out (I presume you live together) until he feels better and is prepared to apologize for his behavious towards you at the weekend. Him putting his hands on you once is a sign that if you were to stay together at this point, he will do it again! I know this from experience. Dont think because he hasnt done it before, that this is a one off, it is possible, but it also shows that he has it in him to do it again!
I can only hope that you think about this, and look at your circumstances. No-one is telling you to break it off, but perhaps have a time out until he has dealt with his depression!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): This guy has no respect for you or your baby. he is totally out of order and appears to be too immature emotionally to deal with the resposibility of a partner and a child. Sadly,I have been in your situation and regardless of how much you love him he isn't going to change. you must be strong and tell him you won't tolerate his behaviour. if he can hold you by the throat, then he's not going to think twice about any other physical harm he may do you. You have to leave him now for the wellbeing of your child and yourself. Don't give him the benefit of the doubt things will only get worse. Just be strong for you and your baby, he's not worthy of you both.
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