A
female
age
41-50,
*arahb79
writes:Am I being paronoid?I met this guy almost 3 months ago. When we are together it's great and when we get to talk on phone we can talk for ages. The problem is he has his own company and works loads i might see him once a week if im lucky sometimes could be 2 weeks. I always seem to be the one to get in contact with him first and often he says cant talk now hun im busy ill ring you back and he never does. I like him loads he says he likes me too and promises me its just a busy time and things will get better. I find it so hard as I've been hurt in the past. When I tell him what I feel he says everything is fine stop being paronoid. I dont want to finish with him in case things get better yet I find it so hard hardly seeing him. Am I wasting my time or am I just being paronoid? sarah xx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2007): No, don't call him, so what if he thinks you are ignoring him, he ignores you and doesn't call or return your calls...Stop waiting by the phone and counting the days, you will feel less worried and anxious if you have your own life and interests seperate from him...guys want to hear the interesting things you have been up to , and they love it when they feel like they are stealing your time away from something you are doing that doesn't involve them...if you just sit around waiting for him, never let him chase you then he will think "I don't have to work to get this one, just let me put her on the back burner until I am ready to check the pot."
Get Busy!
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female
reader, sarahb79 +, writes (20 March 2007):
sarahb79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell this is the start of day 3 with no contact i must admit its hard but i honestly think he will get in touch. We last spoke saturday afternoon he still seemed intressed then.Why can men leave it so long? do you think i should get in touch just incase he thinks im ignoring him?
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reader, sarahb79 +, writes (18 March 2007):
sarahb79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Eve I'm going to be strong and stick to it. I will keep you posted xx
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reader, AskEve +, writes (18 March 2007):
 Yes, I agree not to be too available the minute he's free. Let him see that you have a life too and you're not sitting there waiting for him to ring all the time. He probably is genuinely busy but hey... he should never be too busy to show the woman he has an eye on some love and attention. Try not to sleep with him often either until your relationship develops a bit more too. Just take things slowly and tell him you're busy one night. If he's keen he'll make sure and call you more often in case he loses you.
Please keep us posted to see how it goes.
Eve
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007): Ok, the first meeting was at a Pub, and you asked him over to your house, and you just talked, the the next dates were cancelled by him at the last minute because he got called out on the job (what is he in the CIA? No one is that tied to their job) Several times in the last 3 months he has cancelled the real dates.
You see him once a week but that is usually late in the evening and you have slept with him on more than one of these occasions. He tells you he has fallen for you in a big way, and to just be patient things will get better....but has that happened. Men are notorious for misleading women into thinking they want a relationship in order to get what they want, which is sex. His behavior is not showing you that he is really interested in a relationship right now with you.
My advice still stands...do not allow him to call you late at night and then show up 20 minutes later, this is not a date it is a booty call. Sorry to be so harsh, but you are here for a reason to get to what other more objective people are seeing as the real deal....Not saying this could not turn into a relationship, but you have to set the terms, don't let him do that to you, you deserve to be treated with respect and friendship, and he isn't doing that, flowers are a cheap way to show romance when he isn't backing it up with anything of substance.
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reader, sarahb79 +, writes (18 March 2007):
sarahb79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think i know what to do but i dont want to push him away. Im going to play hard to get for a while ill wait for him to contact me and when he does ill delay my reply if by text or play it cool if he calls. if i dont here anything within a week then thats my answer. This is going to be hard for me but got to be done.will keep you posted. thanks for all advice lots more welcome xxxxx
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reader, sarahb79 +, writes (18 March 2007):
sarahb79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi Eve and bby lolly thank you both for your answers. in reply to Eve's questions i only meet him 3 months ago he sent me a message on friends reunited of all places, he thought he knew me from school but it turns out he left that schol before i started and he was thinking i was some one else.still we ended up talking on msn after a week we met in a pub we got on great. Then i met him the day after yet again great the conversation kept rolling and he brought me flowers. He came back to mine that time but we just talked and talked we agreed to wait a while before sex which i thought was good as to me it ment that was not all he was after.since then we made arrangements to meet and he cancelled at last minute due to been called out on a job that has happened a few times in last few months i find that hard to cope with.But he has been to mine few times and i have been to his twice. On average i see him once a week but thats usually late in evening. we had a night out once too which was fantastic and he said to me"you know what i really like you and have fallen for you in a big way" but was that vodka talking? we have slept together but but not every time i see him.He lives on his own and has 3 children who he sees at weekend hes 35. i live with my 2 kids im 27. he has not met my kids yet and I've not met his but have talked about it. I didn't see him valentines day which hurt and i didnt get anything he said its comercialised. He tells me he likes me a lot and he is just a busy man and things will get better i just miss him so much it hurts i belive he does like me just find it hard feel as if everything is on his terms but if he has his own company i understand he is busy but am i been a mug waiting around for him although i do like him lots to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007): Hi Sarah, well I can speak from experience in that I used to own my own business and it is very time consuming, that said, I still had time for romance, in fact people who own their own businesses often need a soft place to fall at the end of the day slaying dragons.
I don't think you are being paranoid, I don't think he is behaving as if he wants a relationship....the first three months are a critical time in a new romance, and often men are only 3 month fellas, that is as long as they can sustain a relationship....he may just not be in the market for one, and is just looking for a good time girl for now....if you have had sex that would be my guess...
Either way, if you are interested in him, I would do like he does you, if it takes him more than 24 hours to return your call, then wait three days to call him back. If he doesn't see you for two weeks, then when he calls for a date tell him you are washing your hair, or you have a date with some other guy, even if it isn't true..it sounds like a game, but he is playing one with you. You have to make it seem like he has to fit into your life not the other way around, or he won't value and respect you.
First off, you need to decide if he is even what you want in the way of a boyfriend. New relationships are always sketchy and hard, and it is always best not to play it with sweaty palms, I would be very involved in your own life, and leave yourself open to dating other men, what ever you do, don't make him think you have completely fallen for HIM, he is not that wonderful yet.....and let him be the one to bring up 'the talk' about having a comitted exclusive relationship, don't you bring it up or ask 'where is this going?' Be assumptive, that of course he would want that with you, but don't offer him any guarantees if he is not offering that to you....
Good luck to you.
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reader, AskEve +, writes (18 March 2007):
How often ARE you together with him? Where did you meet him? HOW did you meet him? Have you ever been to his home? Has he ever been to yours? Do you live by yourself? From the information you've given, he doesn't feel the same way you do about him, in fact I smell a rat somewhere. If he was really keen on you then he'd call you ever chance he got. Tell me this... have you slept with him yet? How old are you both? Please get back to me so I can finish answering your question.
Eve
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reader, bby lolly +, writes (18 March 2007):
 your not bein paranoid ,mayby it is just a busy time for him i don't think he would be ansering his phone to you if he didn't like you so just leave it and see how it goes and if it doesn't get any betta then there's plenty more fish in the sea.
good luck hun xx
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