A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 36 my boyfriend 32 we are both from the UK. I'm going to be living in Vic, Australia with him soon but we seem to have an ongoing argument over cannabis. Basically last time I was there (he is living in Oz now) he suggested we didn't go to a party around someone's house that had been organised because he was worried I'd be 'uncomfortable'. I asked why and he said quite a few people would be smoking the weed. He asked me what my view was and I said that as far as I was concerned people can do what they like but I'm not knowlingly getting involved in something where something illegal is going on and I would not proactively seek friends that took drugs. It started a heated argument whereby he suggested I had led a sheltered life because I had never taken any illegal drugs (not even cannabis)and that I should not judge people. Fact is I simply cannot look at drugs in any other way. Now a class B drug in the UK apparently according to my boyfriend it is more 'accepted' socially. My boyfriend has apparently smoked it 5 times (not sure when not necessarily since we have known each other though I'm not sure). He also told me that one of his friends in the UK takes cocaine, another couple regularly smoke cannabis and lots of his friends bar one in Oz smoke the weed. This is all news to me.... Am I just a boring old bag or something? Am I wrong to want nothing to do with this scene? Am I behind the times and in fact cannabis is just a normal pastime? My boyfriend is making me feel like I am wrong to have strong views / morals but I am aware of the impact on peoples health (mental) and the whole 'industry' that supports the supply of drugs is vile and corrupt. He says I need to be more relaxed but I see this as compromising myself. Its making me wonder whether we are just not right for one another. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): It sounds a lot like he's bragging about his drug use... I think this guy needs to grow up a bit.
When it comes to drugs, it's all down to personal preference. If you love the life of seeing everything in a haze, not remembering several hours of your party and getting screwed over every second weekend, resulting in a possible visit to the emergency room or rehab, so be it.
You have not done anything to hurt your partner, so why should he be upset? Your views are stronger and have more evidence than his. Usually drug users are stubborn and will not go out of their way and give up everything for their loved ones, so this will be a long battle.
I've been through too many fights over this subject, even with a person who died of overdosing on E recently. I warned her. She ignored me.
I disagree with drugs. We possibly share the same points of view, but I don't think we have old haggish natures, since I'm only 16 and under forty is still very young darling. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): You're obviously poles apart on this issue and I think you're quite right about it. You're aware of the problems that drugs cause to people and society in general and it doesn't bother him at all.
'Recreational' drugs eventually become an addiction - a very expensive addiction - if used often enough, and it sounds like some of his friends live in some sort of drugs den. I get the feeling you don't want to end up with a drug addict. If I was in your position I wouldn't have to think twice about where my future lay.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (17 February 2009):
 Man you really seem like myself. I am 23 and I am not some old bag. Infact with my husband I have had many heated arguments in regards to my hatred towards drugs. For a while it caused a rift between him and I as he had no moral qualms with taking it. He respected me at least and never took anything... until I finally was starting to realise what it was I was actually doing.
For me it was fear. Fear of thingsI didn't know and didn't understand and anger as I blamed them for my fathers death(Yes I consider ciggarettes drugs. Just cause their legal doesn't mean they aren't). So I generally steared clear from them and never actively saught partners who did anything infact I pro actively was looking for T-totalers. My husband was the only acception. This basically shot me to confront what I was actually running away from which was to logically think about the subject. I was just avoiding it. This probably took a good few months last year actually of reasoning, solid debates, research, looked at things with an open mind and kept my bias at the door and I have since changed my mind and have become more tolerant.
Even with my new outlook, I am not going nuts and just drugging myself up. On the contrary it has allowed me to try marajuana and realise like alcohol and cigs it is just not for me, however that does not mean to say it is not for other people who are responsible enough to take it in moderation without others getting hurt. These people are just people and what they enjoy is not my business nor does that make them bad people if they take pleasure from it.
Martini is right though and your partner should not make yuo feel bad for your morals as they are subjective to each person and he should respect them and back off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): You're correct to assume he is not right for you. I don't think he is wrong, though harder drugs like Cocaine and Heroine is a big no no on my list of things to not do.
You are not behind the times. Let's take pot for example. I know many people who take it. I don't. I've taken it once in my youth. It did absolutely nothing for me. It's personal preference. If you don't agree with it, then you don't and if you have a problem with this for your lover and he won't change to cater to your 'moral' code, then leave. On the other hand, if you don't mind him doing it himself, then you can stay. It's like my girlfriend that doesn't drink alcohol but I do, or if I smoke cigarettes and she doesn't, or say I race in a superbike league and she doesn't agree with professional racing. Etc.
Anyway, your boyfriend is a supreme idiot for trying to put you down, trying to make you believe anything but your own justice. However, he isn't wrong either in what he does, even if it may be illegal where he lives. 'Wrong' and 'right' is relative. The law caters to a generalized ideal.
Regardless, if you can't stand it for the long run, leave.
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