A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, living together for almost 2. Recently he got a new office job, and told me he is one of only 3 guys that work there... and there's around 20 women. Of course he has worked with women before, but never almost entirely with women, and they're all about our age or slightly younger. I can't help but feel a bit intimated, and wonder how attractive they are. I know it shouldn't matter if I trust him, which I do. I don't think he'll cheat, I guess I'm just worried he will fancy them or be flirting with them.He told me recently how he went for his break the other day with these girls, about 6 of them who sit nearby. He usually just takes his break with one of the guys though. I asked him what he and the girls talk about at their desks and he gave me an example of 'winding up' or teasing one of the girls on his team and he was sort of implying she was gullible (but as a joke). I wasn't really worried until he told me this as I thought he could be 'teasing' her. I asked more about her and he just said she was a bit 'rough.' I've got myself really upset and worried. Is this flirting, does it sound innocent? Does it matter if he has so many female work friends? I'm not usually so insecure, but I guess I've never been in this situation. Sorry if this post sounds pointless, it's silly but I can't stop thinking about it.Thanks for reading :)
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 July 2016):
 I think office and work-place banter is fine and pretty innocent for the most part.
I think people who have a "certain" standard, boundaries are not going to cross the line from friendly banter to inappropriate flirting.
And lastly, it's a work place - while you might imagine all the fun flirting and banter going on, they are actually there to work and most bosses are not going to be happy having a group of people who are more busy flirting than working.
I say, if you DO get a chance to meet his co-workers on a night out, GO for it. Often people tend to respect relationship boundaries more when they have met the partners.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 July 2016):
 If you're confident in yourself and in your relationship then you have nothing to worry about.
There will always be distractions, there will always be attractive people from the opposite sex at the place of work or living next door. Neither you nor he can shut yourselves out from the world. What you can do is, just be secure in your relationship, be confident that no one can ever take your place and that your boyfriend loves you and won't ever hurt you.
This is where trust comes in. If you really, well and truly trust your partner, you will never be insecure.
My husband is a gorgeous man who teaches in a university. Because I was his colleague one point of time, I know that female students fawn over him and have huge crushes on him. I've seen girls trying to go out of their way to get his attention. His head of the department was am unmarried lady, and a very attractive lady I might add, who I know for a fact had a soft spot for him.
Never once have I ever felt threatened because I know that he has eyes only for me and that no one, absolutely no one can ever take my place in his life. That's the confidence that my relationship with him had given me and that's the faith that he has instilled in me.
You should also feel the same. If your boyfriend is a good guy, he'll never give you a reason to worry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2016): I think it would be quite natural to feel a little intimidated by that ratio of 20 to 3 in your bf's working place. That being said, flirting in the work is pretty common, even between married people, but normally it's meaningless. I wouldn't worry too much about this, especially if he's given you no cause in the past to distrust him.
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