A
female
age
30-35,
*aime90
writes:My boyfriend is very insecure.. we are fighting at the moment because i went to my brothers place for dinner and he said to me "you were probably out with some guy having a quicky"i thought this was disrespectful and said to him i dont want to argue about this crap because its the same every time and im sick of it.. now he thinks i should have been the one calling him to fix this fight. i called him 3 times yesterday and every time he was in a sh**ty mood so i just said we wouldnt talk. today we finally spoke because i rang and he says he purposely doesnt call me because he wants to see if i will. then i said well i did call how is it not good enough? and he says things like "finally its a miracle u do anything right"am i doing things so wrong? i mean im not going to force a conversation if he is acting all cold toward me in the first place. he continues to blame me for these fights saying i hang up on him (i hardly think ending the conversation and hanging up are the same thing)but i cant stop thinking that these fights wouldnt happen in the first place if he didnt have these insecure feelings in his head!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Babes I'm shocked, you always seem like such a strong person with a sensible head. You know that this guy is just winding you up and dumping his crap on you. Sorry he's sick, but nothing you can do will make things better. He's blaming you for all his problems instead of facing up to them and fixing things that are wrong with HIM.
I could say tons more, I'm very angry on your behalf, you too young to put up with a bloody jackass.. but I'm being good, so I won't cuss.
Jamie, next time you fight, I don't want you to call him. I want you to leave him alone until hell freezes over. Instead I want you to go out with your friends and have a bloody good time and dance and laugh. You probably haven't done that enough since you met this guy and all his issues.
When he fights and argues, I'm giving you the permission to bloody hang up that phone as fast as you can. You can also take it off the hook, or don't answer it until he learns how to be more respectful.
From your work on here, I've always thought you seemed like a smart cookie. You got tons of love for everyone, now I need you to give some of that love back to yourself.
PEOPLE TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU ALLOW THEM TO!!!! Jamie I think your a princess, and there's is nothing wrong with that. You a bloody pearl, a diamond, and your too beautiful to hang around it shit with a man that acts like a pig.
Start contacting your friends, start spending more time with them, spend more time with people who love you and make you feel beautiful and you'll see this SF (amended to prevent swearing) for what he is. Two years is too long to stay with a man so controlling who is only happy when you are sad.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 You cannot change a man. He is what he is , take it or leave it.
You can try your best and give your best, but all your best will never be enough.
If you like it, you take it home, if you don't like it , you don't buy it.
You are like a cat and a dog and peace is an elusive dream.
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A
female
reader, jaime90 +, writes (12 March 2010):
jaime90 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the replies.. we have been together for over 2 years, he is in therapy but i dont see it changing, well if it is it is changing very slowly..
we just talked about it over and over again for 2 hours and he maintains that i am doing everything wrong and i never do anything to fix these fights. anyway FINALLY he said im sorry blah blah ok its cleared up
then he brings up my best friends going away dinner tonight, i invited him to it a few weeks ago and he said no i dont want to go and dont have enough money.. now he started another fight with me becasue i didnt reinvite him closer to the day! what the hell!
i kept saying to him why are you doing this to me? why treat me like shit and he sarcastically says " go find someone who will treat you like the princess you are" meaning he thinks i deserve to be treated like shit
then he calls back and says i feel like crap about everything and gets angry at me because i cant say anything to make him feel good. am i supposed to? he was just so mean to me how am i supposed to drop that and make him feel good?
i dont know why i put up with it i just feel so weak to leave! i feel like what if he will change and then he will be what i want? i dont know what to do :-(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): He is childish, and he wont change because he feels he is in his right to be mad at you and accusing you of cheating. Find someone more mature.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 How? How a love affair can be piece of scientific affair? After all life is not science laboratory. Little jealousy, little insecurity, little irrational fight...are the poetry of life. Some jealousy [ not much ]is the taste of true love.
He want more love from you, and it is not necessary for you to show him all, and all at once. Show him bit by bit...and make such fight a little colorful, and fill with little romance. Fight with him, but it is good if it is 'face making fight', and not war!!!
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A
female
reader, AuntSarah +, writes (11 March 2010):
This guy is awful. You should never NEVER let a guy treat you like this. Obviously yes, he is insecure for whatever reason, but you shouldn't bother trying to help him because from what you've said I can see he has aboslutely zero respect for you and wouldn't listen to you anyway. I can't believe he's managed to make you think you might be in the wrong here. Obviously I don't know the whole story but I think the way he speaks to you is disgusting. If you stand up for yourself and start being strong and confident he may see what he's losing and change, but even if it works it will take time. People don't change overnight and this guy isn't worth the effort. Trust me sweetheart, get out of there while you're still only doubting yourself because a guy like that has the power to completely crush your self-esteem if you let him. There are so many lovely, lovely guys out there who will treat you so well, you do not need to waste your time with this idiot. Bin him. Spend time with your friends and you'll see you'll be having a much better time without having to worry about his issues. I suspect after a time of you not calling and making so much effort with him he'll come crawling back crying and apologising and begging for you back, but think very carefully before you decide, and make sure he gives you the respect you deserve. Right now he's bullying you, and you need to stand up for yourself. Don't be weak, show him women will not stand for being treated badly.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (11 March 2010):
 He has a lot to learn about relationships and how to treat a woman with respect.
Hes very insecure and a wuss. Find yourself someone who appreciates you for who you are, not someone who wants you to tuck them into bed and read them a story.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (11 March 2010):
He is a sauerkraut. WOW! You must be his guardian angel! You are right. He is very insecure, irrational and immature.
He is a challenge to you ,a rough diamond and you want to mould and polish him into a fine and sparkling diamond.
Good luck to you .
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 Why on God's green earth are you even wasting another second on this guy? Throw this one back into the pond. Gee Whiz.
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