A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We work together in the same gym. He is married. I am single. He is 15 years older than me.Our relationship in the last couple of months has become much more friendly. He always found me attractive and there was the long, lingering eye contact, catching him staring at me all the time across the room, checking out my body, being nervous around me etc.But since we are working on a project together, we are spending more time with each other and sharing more intimate details and the connection between us has grown. We are talking more and more outside the work environment and when we speak, there is an intense chemistry and electricity between us. He has flirted with me numerous times and there is some sexual innuendo in some of the conversations sometimes. I send him emails late at night and he always responds.I told him about an event outside of work that I would like to attend and asked him if he wanted to go with me and he said yes. I had to make a sales presentation and he asked me when it was and if he could be there so that I would not feel nervous. He never talks about his wife either.I am afraid we are in danger of crossing the line. Can you tell me what you think? How am I supposed to stay away from him? I feel so drawn to him and at this point, my feelings have gotten the best of me... and I believe his have too. We are both responsible for letting ourselves get into this situation. Because it feels so good and he makes me smile. He listens to me. He is supportive of me. It has been a while since anyone has made me smile since I ended my marriage. I just don't want to get hurt again. He is married. Is he doing this because he is unhappy with her and has fallen for me? Will he leave his wife? Can I trust him? I was hurt so badly by a guy who had a girlfriend and strung me along and just got over him not long ago. It was such a hard time in my life. I am afraid I am going to go down the very same road. I just can't put myself through that kind of pain again. But I am afraid it is already too late because I have fallen for him.Any advice you could offer would be helpful. I feel so good when I am with him and when he is not around, I feel lost.Thank you.
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female
reader, Trinklett +, writes (17 May 2013):
 Yes you are very much in the position to get hurt once more. Two choices for you here - drop out of this predicament you have found yourself or go along with the tide and be prepared to face the reality that all you're having is a fling with this man.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 May 2013):
 It sounds to me as though you have some sort of love 'routine' in which you fall for men who are taken and who then string you along.
You rationalize the attraction and the excitement you get from the forbidden guy by saying you just can't help yourself.
Of course you can help yourself, you are just choosing to lead with your hormones. It's an easier story to say "I can't help myself" than to acknowledge you choose unavailable men because that's what you think you deserve on some level.
You're in your 30s. You should have a pretty good idea what you are about. You certainly don't need some married dude to "complete" you.
If you feel lost because he's not around, you need to broaden your life's horizons. That's a pretty sad narrow little perspective you have going on there if that's the case.
You are going to get hurt again. Why? Because you are choosing to put yourself into situations that nearly 100% guarantee that you will be crushed emotionally.
Why is that?
That's the question you need to work on, WITHOUT Mr. Married Dude.
Good luck, I hope you do find the wiser healthier and happier path.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (17 May 2013):
 I'm just going to answer your questions one by one.
1) Are you in danger of crossing the line?
If you feel like you are, then you probably are.
2) Is he unhappy with his wife and has he fallen for you?
Well, it's not to say whether or not he's unhappy with his wife... maybe he is unhappy, maybe he's bored, or maybe he's just a dirtbag who is excited at the prospect of somebody new.
2) Is he going to leave her?
Never. Ever. EVER assume that he's going to leave her. If he leaves her, he should do that first and THEN pursue new relationships. If he can have his cake and eat it too, why involve unnecessary drama? Unless the divorce papers are signed, sealed, delivered, it's best to assume that he's not going to leave her.
3) Can you trust him?
I sure wouldn't. Can you trust his attraction to you? Sure. But I wouldn't trust anything coming out of his mouth. If he's married and he's looking to start something on the side with you, that doesn't bode well for him on the Trust Scale.
If you want some booty, and you're okay with being morally icky, then okay. Do what you will. However, if your goal is not to get hurt again - my darling, you are in PRIME POSITION to get hurt, probably even worse than you were with the guy with the GF.
I understand that it's nice to be listened to, it's nice to feel attractive, and it's fun to flirt - but you have to protect yourself. And sister, you are treading in dangerous waters. If you don't want to get hurt, you should pull back from this situation. Work together if you must, but the second any propositions are made, or if he puts the moves on you - you need to say "NO", or you will be back at Square One, being strung along by an unavailable fella. And you don't want that!! Good luck, sweet.
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